AIBU for telling off my DM?

[CVVFan]

For context my DM has always been this way so it’s not down to old age.
She always refers to people by their looks, so for example she was telling me of a girl she used to babysit and she described her as “a bit ugly” (she also made a comment of her dad being good looking).

i reminded her that I’m not a universal beauty by any stretch of the imagination and that I was bullied for being fugly, so it’s a touchy subject for me. As well as not being nice to call someone “ugly” just because as it’s a) completely subjective b) a negative thing to say.

YANBU. It's really tiresome when people can't mention anyone without judging their appearance. I don't feel personally upset by it (I'm no stunner but it's not a touchy subject for me) but I just find it so mean-spirited and bitter when people have to critique the appearance of everyone they tell you about.

Why would anyone think you were being unreasonable for telling someone not to be rude about people?

I always call people out for this shit I assumed most people do. My nan is basically deaf and when I take her to appointments she will often sit in waiting rooms loudly slagging everyone of I always tell her to shut up.

My mum is the same. So fucking irritating. As if there's nothing more to people than their appearance.

She used to be really horrible about my friends as teens, who were just trying to figure stuff out (badly applied fake tan/clingy clothes/short skirts/comments on hair) and just typical teenage girls growing up.

Made me feel shit and very self conscious.

I never ever say anything about my kids' appearance unless it's positive (and have had to bite my tongue at their skirt lengths to school on occasion!)

Telling someone off implies you have authority over them and there will be consequences if they don’t behave differently.

I tend to just disagree with mine, or point out that their target probably has more important things to think about or has different values.

Particularly, that being ornamental is not an obligation and lots of people just don’t choose to.

Someone should have told her off a long time ago.

Next time she describes someone as being "ugly" I'd tell her that her comment is ugly.

My mother was/is this way. For this reason and oh so many more, I went no contact with her years ago and thank myself for it every day. Life is too short for that kind of poison.

Tell her ugly is as ugly does. And she is doing ugly.

This 🤷‍♂️

Honestly, so many threads are like this now.

I think your mistake was explaining it in the way you did - it's not acceptable full stop, you justified to her why it wasn't acceptable as if you were being unreasonable. So she could now say things about peoples weight and if you say anything she would say but you are slim why does it bother you.

But no you weren't unreasonable. I have a mum that is like that about weight - god help you if you are an (in her eyes) overweight nurse, you are not to be telling her anything about health. I asked mine last time what this poor woman was supposed to do, say I have some info to give you but I weigh more than you so I will need to get someone else in the room to do it?

I’m sure you’re beautiful. It’s sad you think otherwise.

I’m not, but it’s ok! My DH find me attractive and that’s all I care about. Knowing that I’m not “stereotypically beautiful “ is just as a matter of fact as saying that the sky is blue.