Did I lose her as I’m a bad person?

[RedBloodMoon]

Last year I was very mentally unwell. I was hospitalised under section 2, that’s how poorly I was. I went from living my normal life to sitting, shaking, rocking, crying and screaming. It was like a form of severe health anxiety and delusions, I think triggered by the sudden death of my sister a few years prior.

i had a best friend since I was 17 (we’re late 30s now) she came to see me in hospital once and then almost gave up and just stopped contacting me. Said that I was selfish, a terrible mother etc - which at the time I was - as I was very poorly.

im 99% better now, I have the odd panic attack but I’m back looking after my children full time, repairing my marriage, out and about as normal etc. I found out she is pregnant as I still had her partner had a friend on Facebook and she tagged him - we occasionally spoke very what’s the word.. like platonically? As I would ask him if he thought she would ever come round and if I should contact her etc. I commented congratulations on her post and I’ve since seen he’s deleted me, I assume as she doesn’t want me to see posts she tagged him in.

what should I do?

There’s nothing for you to do OP, they’ve set a boundary and you just have to respect that.

You didn't lose her because you are a bad person - because you aren't. She has lost you because she doesn't understand what it is that you were going through.

It's difficult, I know, but what you do is absolutely nothing. Either she'll come to realise or she won't. But if it happens, it will be in her time. There is nothing that you can do or say to make it happen. And her partner is going to side with her. You can't change that.

So you live your life. Spend time with the friends and family that are still there for you. And you'll find new friends. Friends that don't drop you like a stone when things get hard.

I'm very glad you've made it through. That just goes to show the inner strength that you have. Life is only on the up from here - with our without them.

Nobody knows why, only her.
We can only control our own feelings, no one else's.

You could continue trying to find out or make peace that you're no longer friends.

I know what I'd rather do. If a friend stopped contacting me during a very low and dark period of my life, I wouldn't let them be a part of my happy life when I was on the up.

Sorry it happened to you and so glad you're feeling much better x

I have had a couple of friends in my lifetime who have been sectioned. One I ended up having minor mental health problems my from trying to support her, it was exhausting and terrifying. She is still very dear to me, but I know I couldn’t provide the same level of support if she had another episode, my own life has become a lot more challenging since then and I just don’t have the capacity.

I could understand if she’d backed off because she feels she’s got enough on her plate with a new baby and can’t cope with you needing support. I’ve learned the hard way you cannot destroy yourself trying to save someone else, especially not when you have children who need you to put them first. However, calling you selfish and a bad mother shows she has no actual understanding of mental illness at all. It must hurt like hell to find a friend you held so dear thinks such awful things about you, but ultimately I’d say you’re better of without a friend like that. Saying you don’t have the capacity to support someone is understandable, kicking them when they’re down is just plain nasty. Your “friend” is very ignorant and not very nice. A mental health crisis will really show you who your real friends are.

She is only 3 months pregnant now, she stopped talking to me around last October, so it was before she had a baby.

I always had minor health anxiety (think I was born with it!) and my sister would be the one who would help me with it, laugh it off, support me. She then died of an undiagnosed, rare condition. I didn’t get chance for goodbyes as she was quite literally there one day and gone the next, and it was during Covid so we couldn’t even have a proper funeral - and I was pregnant myself at the time. I thought I had coped, but I clearly hadn’t and I’m pretty sure it triggered the episode I was talking about - I was convinced I was dying for months and wouldn’t take any reassurance that I was ok.

I’m now on the right medication, and due to start therapy in a couple of weeks. I’m for all intents and purposes back to normal really. Eating, sleeping, going out, functioning normally. I had a few friends who I hadn’t seen for a long time “step up” really and help support me, and who I considered my best friend stopped speaking to me.

it was really odd as her partner was kind to me in messages, saying he was sure she would come round to me as she hasn’t many friends and we had a lot of history, he even would check in to see if I’d managed to get a shower or go for a walk etc. I then commented on their baby status and he messaged me about a photo of me about to go for a meal (I was wearing leopard print) and he messaged saying do you know slags wear leopard print everyone will think you’re down to fuck.. which I thought was really out of character. I then just had a look and he’s deleted me x

This.

That's sad but she obviously isn't a very loyal friend. Or she simply sadly found your mental health crisis too much to deal with.

Focus on your other friends, hobbies, kids, taking time to do things you enjoy. I hope you are seeing a therapist?

I've been sectioned before and it's not fun. I have had a couple of very close friends drop me since that happened. I didn't connect the two but some people can be prejudiced or just freaked out by that kind of thing.

We just have to move on and focus on our own health and wellbeing. Forget them in the way they have forgotten you.

Are you sure it was him that said that? Sounds more like the voice of a bitter former friend hiding behind her partner's account...

Did you go out for tea with (my husband) tonight? Defo trying to pull wearing leopard print. I heard that’s what slags wear so people know they’re DTF

was one of the last messages I got from him.. very strange.

My parents were like parents to her in our 20s, she practically lived at our house. She’s even deleted my parents and they have obviously done or said nothing to her.

The message about your dress is clearly your ex-friend. Dont do anything just move on.

Not every one understands mental health illness it's not your fault at all , so vert well done for your personel improvement. Feel sorry for the person , she again may not understand very good luck with your future William

You’ve been through so much, a truly horrendous time of grief and mental health issues. Your friend abandoned you during your most vulnerable time. You deserve better from a friend.
She is warped, she has absolutely no understanding of what you were going through, and I believe it was her messaging you from her husbands profile as it seems like he’s actually a kind man from the previous messages he would send you.
I think you need to find a way to draw a line under that friendship with her, she is a nasty person with zero empathy.
Focus on rebuilding yourself and enjoy the friendships of people who’ve actually shown you genuine support and care.

Thank you everyone ❤️