AIBU for breaking up with my boyfriend?

[smilyotter]

I was seeing my boyfriend for around 4 months and things were going well. I have a six year old DS and he told me he had two children that he paid child support for, but didn't see. This didn't sit right with me but I didn't think it was my place to interfere.

Yesterday I found out from a friend of a friend that he actually has three children, but has never seen the third as he and his ex had split up by the time she found out she was pregnant. I actually don't care how many children he has, but lying about how many he has is a big problem for me. I've broken up with him because I feel like I can't trust him - if he'll keep something like that from me, what else is he keeping? He says I am BU because he 'didn't actually lie' just chose not to tell the truth. Apparently he was waiting for the right time to tell me.

AIBU?

Just not seeing his children would have me running for the hills. I couldn’t respect him at all. As for calling you unreasonable for dumping him, and arguing over the minutiae of his deceit, he just sounds like a prize twat. I think you’ve dodged a bullet here. Block and move on.

thank you @ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine I needed that!

Not seeing his kids, regardless of the number, makes him a total dick.

I don't understand how you were OK with this, but broke up because he told you there were 2 rather than 3 kids.

He said he couldn't afford to fight his ex in court to see them, but yesterday I also found out that he can afford it. Seems like he just doesn't want to.

I got into this situation because he's younger than me and I was flattered. Looking back now, I can see I ignored a lot of red flags for the sake of boosting my ego

First of all, you can break up with someone for any reason you like. If you don’t want to be with them, for any reason at all, it is not unreasonable to dump them. They don’t get a choice in the matter and that’s that. Nobody is obliged to stay in a relationship they don’t want to stay in.

Secondly, you’ve only been seeing this man for four months, which is nothing. You were just dating and ending it really isn’t a big deal. He’s being ridiculous to make it this angsty.

Thirdly, he was an absolute dick and a total weirdo to not admit to the existence of a third child. It’s a huge thing not to mention and you were absolutely right to feel he can’t be trusted!

Be careful not to judge. I’m a social worker and people don’t see children for lots of reasons that can sometimes be no fault of their own. Sometimes the OP makes it so unbearably hard that they have to put themselves and their mental health first. Then there is parental alienation so they have no choice unless they want to force a kid to see them. Wish people weren’t so quick to judge. You don’t know the back story and maybe he hid it because of past judgement.

You’re being totally reasonable to end a relationship for whatever reason you like. In any event, this is a really good reason to end a relationship.

I do understand what you’re saying and I know some parents do make of very hard for the other parent to see the children. However, when we met and I asked him how many children he had, he said two. I don’t understand the need to exclude the third one as it was conceived and born way before we even met. I feel like he had plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth, but chose not to. That is what hurts me the most

You can break up with someone for whatever reason you want, or even no reason at all. He doesn’t need to tell you your reasons aren’t valid and therefore you can’t break up with him. Your reasons are valid to you, and that’s the only thing that matters. He doesn’t get to tell you that you’re wrong.

YABU for not ending it when you found out he doesn’t parent the two DC he told you about

He just chose not to tell the truth. Ermm, that will be lying then.

Get him in the bin.

You can end a relationship for any reason you like.

He lied and knew he lied. He probably doesn’t consider the third child to be his if he has no contact but that was an explanation he needed to have and would probably have been a reason for many to have ended things in its own right.