Tips please on how to cheer the F up

[EmberR]

I’ve been having a hard time recently. I had a miscarriage (was last chance saloon as I’m old so now the chance of baby is gone and I have to move on), work has been very unstable and we have to move house to accommodate a change in job for my husband.

All these things are hard and challenging but I know it’s just life and worse things happen to others.

Please can I ask for positive tips on how to move forward. How to focus on the future and not feel sorry for yourself? What can I do to find my light again and get excited about things.

I was thinking to find a new gym and have a fitness goal, have a drastic hair cut to change my look. Make a plan to see friends more often. Just things I can do to feel less blue.

Anyone got any good advice to share it would be appreciated. I’m tired of feeling sad. Thank you

Movinh helps me, in what ever form - walking, running, cycling, exerercising, dancing

Exercise
Cut down on social media and doomscrolling
Learn something new

All these are clichés but they can be effective.

Hope they work for you

Have you actually given yourself time to grieve and adjust? Because it is hard to move on, if you haven't actually moved on and are still grieving for the loss of a baby, parenthood and moving house as well

Massive declutter and house clean. Never fails.

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I’m so sorry to hear your news. Could you book something to look forward to? Concert, holiday, reunion with friends, shopping trip?
All your make over plans could be prep for your event.

Check in with yourself to see if you are actually depressed - and get help if you are.

As well as that helping other people can be a good idea - doesn't have to be huge but that connection helps.

Chat with a friend.

Getting outside is medicine for me.

A warm bath and an early night (not in your case maybe - but I often find when I'm out of sorts that's what I need).

You've had a lot to deal with, huge amounts, be kind to yourself and give yourself time to deal with it.

That's a lot to deal with OP, cut yourself some slack .

It's OK to let yourself feel negative emotions. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel artificially happy all the time.

Your ideas are good though. In your shoes I'd pick a couple of nice things to do and really concentrate on how you feel during. Exercise and seeing friends should both help with low mood.

You could try a gratitude journal too? Set some time each evening to write a couple of things that you have enjoyed/are looking forward to (it doesn't have to be anything special, just noting that you really enjoyed your morning coffee or are looking forward to a walk in nature could help your brain to refocus a bit on the positives).

Let yourself grieve alongside doing things to take care of yourself. You don’t need to be one or the other, I don’t think it’s possible to distract yourself from painful feelings without also dissociating from happiness too. Sending love, you are going through a lot (it doesn’t matter if others may go through “worse” - you matter too)

I like to have a few trips booked in the diary. Doesn't have to be a big holiday, just a few days trips or weekends in the calendar to look forward to.

I think it can be nice to have a creative hobby too, doesn't necessarily require talent, can be knitting or crafting, something you can do in the winter evenings.

Thank you for your kind messages. Actually heating people say it’s a lot and it’s ok to be sad has helped. I think it’s a lot (it feels so heavy) but at the same time I don’t want to just sit with it and feel overwhelmed.

Maybe I am depressed and need medication or therapy. I am crying a lot (I am not a crier usually) but these things are major.

The painful thing I suppose is how to balance honesty with my friends and family but how not to wallow in it.

Have you had grief counselling for the miscarriage? Also your hormones could still be out of whack which won't be helping so please see your GP. And be kinder to yourself

Crying is magic, let the tears come now and then it’s a healthy release for the sadness. You won’t feel this way forever x

I have kind of just tried to move on from the miscarriage. I am 43 and knew the odds are low so was not a surprise. But still extremely sad. Maybe the hormones are playing a part. I just feel so low

It doesn't matter if the odds were low you can still be grieving. Grieving over what happened, grieving over the future without the possibility of that child in it, grieving for the loss of hopes and dreams. It's all bundled up into one big hormonal messy loss. Please see your GP. You might only need short term meds to get you over this bad time, or a short course of therapy, so don't be put off thinking it will be a long term thing but you certainly don't need to do this alone

You’ve had some great suggestions here, things that are tried and tested like moving your body, getting out in nature, medication, therapy, gratitude journaling etc. Sometimes you have to let the body feel what it feels.

when you are ready to take a step, I’d recommend The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - it’s a book but also she does podcasts and social media - some things she has tried and that might help you too. Not everything will resonate with you but pick one that does and give it a try.

Hi OP, you have every right to wallow a bit, especially as you come to terms with your future looking different from what you’d hoped for. Sending hugs.

I read a lot of non fiction books by a New Zealander lady called Fiona Ferris who is open that although she would have loved them, children never happened for her but she’s put her all into creating the best life for herself, her husband and their various pets. I have no link to her other than being an avid reader of her books but suggest you try a couple of them maybe- ‘100 ways to live a soft, calm life’. I always get more excited about life after reading or reading-reading one of her books.

I’d say gardening. It’s relaxing, it’s creative and it is often exercise. I’m very sorry about your loss.

I found rage decorating really helped after my miscarriages. Mindlessly rollering walls and concentrating on cutting in helped me to switch off from the endless questions in my mind for a while.

Thank you so for being so kind

I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm in a similar situation (although 4 yr on) and tbh I still have days where I want to cry; never done counselling as I find it hard to talk about stuff like that.
Running has helped me enormously, I joined a local group which is very focused on mental health so I know I can just go and have a run & chat with them.

Sorry for loss 💔

That is a lot OP.

Other than the things already suggested, volunteering has been shown as a mood lifter. I wouldn’t rush into it, find something you feel you would enjoy and can commit to. Giving blood if you are able could be a good starting point.

Get some good dance playlists together. Dancing round the house can be great.

Have sone things to look forward to. Can he a weekend away, book a show to go to or a day out. Just get sone things in your diary that you would enjoy.

Wishing you all the best.

OP, coming to terms with that is a major life change. One of the biggest.

Give yourself some time to grieve, in amongst all the other stuff.

I have had a rough run this past while and things I found helped:
-Regular counselling with a therapist I click with
-Going to the gym during the week once or twice

• Going on long walks in nature at the weekend

-A new hair colour and cut

• Get my nails done once a month

-trying to prioritise my health so eating, sleeping and taking my vitamins and probiotics. -Time with friends -buy myself a small treat like a little bunch of flowers or similar once a week

• trying to throw myself into the things I enjoy about my job (community based so giving back to other people really helps me)

-baths -recognising that feeling my feelings are part of the process so avoiding them doesn't help me really.

I also find a change of scenery really helpful so would it be possible to do a bit of travelling / long weekend away somewhere where you can rest and recharge a bit?

I'm sorry for your loss and I think it's also important to mention that grief is never linear and there's no one right way to do it. Often it will come in peaks and troughs until you gradually grow around it and it becomes less raw. So don't put yourself under pressure to feel any particular way, just try to accept the waves for what they are. 💐

@FTHC im so sorry to hear you’re in a similar position. If you wouldn’t mind sharing your journey and how you have moved forward that would be so appreciated. Please don’t if it’s painful x