Child sick days and separation

[Catonamoon]

I’m a regular poster about my current situation with my teenager and my separation. Today DS (13) is off sick from school (he showed me his puke via a video call lol) He’s currently in Dads house and Dad is working until 8pm. I really want to check on DS and sit with him today but he keeps saying “it’s not your house” and refuses to have me in Dads house without Dad there. What would you do? It’s a long time for him to be alone, I will drop a care package at the door for him. Dad’s house is the family home and I was the one who moved out a few months ago.

Seeking advice please? How to handle this situation? It’s likely that ex will end up having his mother over instead. It’s upsetting as we would normally chill together, watch films and I would look after him.

Op you spend your life starting threads on your DS.

He doesn’t want to live with you and he doesn’t want to stay the night. Give the poor boy some space and time. And let his father, who has him 100% nights… parent him

If he wanted to be with you whilst he’s ill then he could ask to come to your house. He’s 13, not a small child, and is probably relishing the idea of just slobbing in bed all day feeling sorry for himself and playing video games or whatever. He’s asserting healthy boundaries here: he wants some space and doesn’t think it’s appropriate for you to be in your ex’s house.

You son has directly and repeatedly told you

I do NOT want to sleep over at your house
I do NOT want you at the house I save with my dad

FFS LISTEN to him

You need to listen to your son, again.

He does not want you there, simple as that.

Nothing to “handle”, you need to accept what he is saying OP because you’re going to lose him forever if you carry on the way you are.

This poor boy.

You are relentless Op.

You said in your last thread you had learned your lesson and were going to back right off. Now here you are again, popping round with a "care package" when he's clearly said he doesn't want you at the house.

Listen. To. Him.

@Catonamoon I haven't read your other threads but at 13 he doesn't need anyone sitting with him hes got a bug and just needs rest and fluids. If his granny is popping in to check on him that's more than adequate. He's not a baby let him rest without you causing issues over what you want and respect his boundaries.

I’m not being relentless. I was just asking advice on how to handle the situation as 12/13 hours alone at 13 is still a long time. Yes I do find it upsetting but I’m not going to force myself into the house if he doesn’t want me there. I will leave a couple of items at the door and text him to say they are outside, I don’t think that’s too much, I’m still his Mum.

dozens of threads you have started

one even asked if you could force your son to stay over

leave the poor boy ALONE

I don’t think i have seen your other threads, what is the reason your son doesn’t want to live with you or have you come to his dad’s house?

I left my ex due to EA and it was agreed that we would share custody of DS but he’s been reluctant to stay over at mine or have me in the family home if Dad isn’t there. I do feel like him saying “it’s not your house” is something he’s parroting that his Dad used to say to me in the months before I moved out. Same goes for the way he talks about my house “it’s not my house” when it comes to him staying over etc. It’s difficult but there’s not much I can do.

Obv i don’t have a lot of info but based on what you and PPs have said, i would leave him to it. I’m also basing my advice on my own experience of parents divorcing when i was a teen.

By pushing things, you have a risk of making your DS feel trapped in the middle of having to please both parents. I was in this situation and it made my life hell.

My db chose to live with our dad. My DM said exactly the same as you ‘he is being influenced by his dad’ but this wasn’t true at all.

Please give him the space he has asked for, and if he has asked you not to go round, please don’t drop stuff at the door either.

HE DOESN'T WANT YOU THERE.

Listen to him.

He's 13 - he's perfectly capable of calling his dad or his Gran if he needs to - he has expressed his preference that you don't come to his home, I think you have to accept that. Keep in touch with him via text and let him know he can call on you if he needs to.

What you can do, is listen to DS and what he is choosing. Ask him if there’s anything he’d like you to bring over. If he says yes, great. If he says no - then leave it.

He’s a young teen who has spent years aware of and caught in the middle of his parents’ dysfunctional relationship. It’s probably a relief to him that you’re no longer living in the same house and he no longer has to live amid the tension and conflict, and that each of your homes are now neutral territory. You wanting to come back in, which you presumably know would cause conflict with your ex because I doubt he wants you in his house all day whilst he’s out, is causing DS anxiety. He’s not emotionally mature enough yet to be able to say all of the above directly to you - but that is what he is trying to assert.

His dad has made arrangements for DS’s grandmother to come over and check in on him and keep him company. He has a phone and can call you, his dad, or his grandmother at any time. Obviously as a parent you will always worry when your DS is unwell, including when he is a grown man - but even putting the separation aside, he’s growing up and you need to understand that he’s developing his own boundaries and learning to make his own choices and that increasingly what he wants will not necessarily be what you want.

If I was this boy’s father, I’d be involving social services.

This Op is harassing her young teen son, and it’s a tragedy unfolding

But you said that your son’s grandmother would likely go over so he will not be alone.

As others have said, he’s 13 and a little bit unwell- he’s not very sick or in need of constant supervision. He is fine on his own, perhaps it is quite a long time- not unheard of though- and you also suggest that his grandmother will be going in at some point to check on him? Additionally, he is also able to contact dad, you or granny if he does need anything.

Most importantly, he has told you it’s fine and he doesn’t want you to come over and be with him. Unless you have good reason to think he is unsafe at home, then you need to leave him be. He’s probably quite enjoying himself, watching whatever he wants/playing games etc, without adult interference.

Leave him the hell alone. Christ I can’t believe you are still at this.