to want to know surprising things that are off putting romantically

[outingouting]

Hi all,

I've been single for 2 years. Got 2 kids. Am 40.

I'd like to think I'm acceptably attractive. Far from being a model but ok I think. I try to dress well, am clean, do my hair and make up. Bit chubby.

I also think I've got a decent personality - I've lots of friends and I like myself. Am confident. I work in a decent job, have a clean house, solvent, independent woman. Healthy.

BUT - I feel I am deeply unattractive in a sexual / romantic way.

No one ever asks me out. No one ever chats me up. And I've love to know why.

It's too mad to give people a feedback form (ha!) but I really would like to know what is a surprising immediate turn off.

I know this anonymous forum makes it impossible for you to all give me your opinion on me.

But what do you think are common traits that are perhaps surprisingly off putting?

I used to smoke and now believe that was really off putting for lots of people. I also think I am funny which is great for friends but I think surprisingly offputting for sexual partners sadly.

I also think I'm not hugely mysterious - I'm friendly and upfront and while I think that's good from a professional or friend perspective it's not alluring.

I've kind of accepted my lot, so not deeply depressed about it, but if I could change something fairly easily I would!

Once you’re middle aged I don’t think there’s much spontaneous chatting up and asking out as you wouldn’t assume people are single. Have you tried environments where being single/ready to mingle is a given?

You sound lovely, open and friendly but as you rightly point out, it's hard to make an assessment without meeting someone in person. Have you tried online dating? I know that sounds like an obvious question but you say you don't get chatted up or asked out and I'm guessing you mean in real life.

You sound an awful lot like me (except I have a few years on you) and if I were single, I can't imagine how I would possibly meet somebody else, apart from online dating. Are you regularly in situations where you could get chatted up (e.g. parties) but nobody does?

As pp says, a lot of people are in relationships or assume others are. And as you get older then possible dating pool gets smaller.

Are you putting yourself in situations where it is clear that you are 'looking' as it were?

Did you get chatted up when you were younger?

You sound like me - im not remotely mysterious or cool, Im friendly, told Im nice to look at, funny (I have quite an outrageous/sarcastic loud sense of humour). Im 51, yet Im always getting hit on and did well with OLD. Honestly I think the major reason is I have massive tits. Not a stealth boast, I just think men aresimple creatures, and they seem to think - 'big tits = up for it'. Lolz.

I think getting asked out happens less as you get older, and also society seems to be shifting so that men approach women less in day to day life.

I'd recommend finding a singles group, or online dating, or speed dating.

I’d love to do the same as I’ve always struggled with friendships.

I think the key here is just to accept it for what it is. If the right person comes along, then it’ll happen.

I agree that maybe you don't meet many single people and also that people don't just ask each other out in real life as much now - it seems to have moved online.
I don't think you have to presume there's anything wrong with you even if there's probably still some women who get asked out in person.

I'm not pretty at all but I found myself getting a lot of interest in my forties simply by seeing men as possible friends rather than immediately thinking in terms of romantic/sexual relationships. I met my now DH when I was 43 after three years of being single.

I’m 34, slim attractive and interesting (I think!) with 30H boobs and don’t get hit on 😂

I wouldn’t say I’m often in situations where I can meet people, but I do a reasonable amount of social things for work and with friends.

I’ve got a couple of mates who are often getting cracked on to. They seem to find it comes easily. They do have big boobs tho actually!

I can’t bear OLD tbh. I’d rather not. I just wouldn’t mind one day feeling like I’m attractive and someone wanting to flirt with me.

I didn’t get asked out a lot when I was younger but I did drink a lot and smoked so don’t know I was a catch.

I suppose I think I’m a better offer these days, apart from being a middle aged single mum!

I think you sound great! I think it’s more difficult nowadays to date in the wild 😆

My partner (we met via OLD) asked me recently if I would have approached him in a bar, I would have done.
He said that he wouldn’t have approached me for fear of being knocked back.
I don’t know if this is a general feeling of people.

A lot of my friends who have found themselves single in their forties have dated using dating apps.

A lot of men like women who have a sense of humour, especially if it matches/is close to theirs.

Are you on the dating apps? They are pretty tedious going, but a good way to meet people.

Maybe I just look really slutty then, lol. Who knows?? 😂