Friend and Christmas plans

[tinselandturkeytown]

My fiance and I have a pre-planned holiday this Christmas. It's been booked for months and we can't go any other time, due to our schedules and also because we live in different cities so don't even get to see each other much at the moment (he's stationed in another city for his work).
My friend has been asking if we can postpone our holiday because she's planning a murder mystery event game type of thing at her place on Christmas Day. I said there's no way we could attend and apologised for any disappointment, but our pre-planned holiday is all booked and paid for. We'd lose a lot of money to postpone it. Not only that, we just don't want to postpone it! My friend is ND and sadly doesn't always see other peoples' feelings, she thinks we're being unreasonable and that I'm the worst friend ever :(. Am I?

Come on, you know you're not.

Absolutely not. Enjoy your holiday

No

That’s too bonkers of her to be explained purely by ND surely?

Of course you’re not unreasonable to stick to your pre planned holiday.

So 'friend' expects you to lose lots of money on a trip you want to go on with a DP you don't get to see anywhere near as much as you want and you're asking if you're a bad friend?

Really?????

And being ND doesn't mean being spoilt and entitled

I’d have laughed in disbelief at someone inviting me to a murder mystery on Christmas Day never mind expecting me to postpone or @cancel a holiday to attend it.

She doesn’t need to see your feelings, she needs to listen to your clear reasonable words and respect them. If she complains again I’d reconsider the friendship because she sounds entirely self centred. Being “ND” is irrelevant, she’s not a good friend is she’s giving you grief over something so ridiculous.

I couldn't cope with a friend as ridiculously unreasonable as your friend, OP.

She can ask, and you can refuse , although she must know that most (all?) people will not cancel a holiday over Christmas for a murder mystery game. Can’t she move the dinner?

and you’r not the worst friend ever. Guess she’s made you feel guilty, but don’t feel this way. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Even if you weren’t on holiday, you could have easily been at your parents or future in-laws for Christmas.

Seriously, a Christmas day murder mystery party? Is she a verruca salt used to stamping her foot and getting what she wants because #reasons...

Same, particularly if she ever uses being ND as an excuse for being so very unreasonable. Sure she's likely to be disappointed - that's human nature - but (a) it's so far away there is plenty of time to make other plans - can she do it another night? and (b) if she can't change her own date and wants to go ahead then the two of you can just make other plans together when you are both free. And she planning something for Christmas Day - are many people free on that date? It would seem unlikely if they have families and commitments elsewhere.

I'm ND and it would never enter my mind that you are being unreasonable so I doubt it's the ND and maybe she's just a bit of a selfish dick?

It would make more bloody sense to have that sort of event on Halloween anyway, pffft.

Your friend needs to realize that a gathering of friends on Christmas Day is only going to be attended by people who have not made other plans. It can be very fun to host and as an ASD person I did it often in my 20s, but you need to be prepared for a hodge podge of people, even if that isn’t your comfort zone. One year we ended up with a bunch of international grand students and our elderly neighbor. It was a great celebration.

What on earth makes you think you should be asking?

Of course you're not being difficult and you know it.
Your friend is being ridiculous and selfish in her demands.
You said yourself that you and your partner are having difficulty meeting up regularly...so why on earth would you throw away the chance of a trip to play Murder Mystery in someone's house

I think that your friend is being very unreasonable to expect you to go to her Christmas day game. I suggest that you explain to her that why you won't be able to attend and arrange a meeting meeting in the new year

This one was easy! YANBU.

If it was any other day of the year it would be unreasonable for your friend to ask you to change vacation plans for a party, but it’s CHRISTMAS day, so it’s ridiculously unreasonable. Don’t people spend it with their families?!

Surely no one is going to attend a murder mystery party at a friends house on Xmas day, as they will probably all have family obligations to meet…?

My christmas is going to be unplanned and massively quiet (not sad I like it that way) and even I would turn down a murder mystery game!

Being ND doesn’t trump everyone else’s feelings. It seems to be wheeled out on MN as an excuse for any selfish demand.

Surely OP you don't even have to ask this question!?

What about people who just want to spend the day with family and not doing a role play game at hers? She's obviously being totally unreasonable and I suspect very few people are willing to go so she's getting a bit shitty about it.
I hope you have a lovely holiday