To be annoyed DH is going on a ski trip

[Newworkingmum]

DH wants to go on a ‘boys trip’ skiing for 5/6 nights next spring when we will have a 16 month old. He works offshore 2 weeks on/2 weeks off and will go away after a couple of days being home. I have retired parents close by to help with childcare, however, they do 3 days per week when he’s away as I work full time so outside of my working hours I don’t ask for any further help from them (they’ve said they can’t take any more on).

I have a couple of UK weekend trips planned, both have landed when he’s away so MIL is travelling for the weekend to look after DD, both of my trips are bridesmaid duties (hen and a dress try on) so a bit less avoidable. Let me know your thoughts, not sure if I’m being dramatic as my dad never did this and I personally don’t want to leave my family for any amount of time, I’d just go somewhere with them.

Life is short. Let him have the trip with his friends. (We both do it every year.)

I'm quite surprised at all these replies saying "it's only a few days" etc. it would be different if he had a normal job, but when you work away two weeks in four and your DP and in laws have to pick up the slack for that, I'd have thought you'd think twice about taking more time away from your child and imposing more on your family for a jolly. He gets to be a person rather than "just" a parent two weeks out of four already, OP has to do it all, all the time.

So he shouldn’t ever get a holiday? I’m assuming he had these hours when OP had a baby with him. It’s unfair to say he can’t go away now because of it.

Is there a compromise where he can go for 2 or 3 nights?

Me and DP have separate holidays but not as long as 6 nts.

This. You don't need others to help you, do you?

But you need equal time away. If you don't fancy a full week then take it in smaller doses. There is nothing wrong with parents spending time away from the kids, together or separately. As long as it's equal!

FFS

Is he being a good dad though? He's a part time one at best. And it's telling that he's only had a couple of hours of sole charge of his dc.

To be honest, no one knows the answer but OP.

Is he a good dad in the 2 weeks he is off? Am I right that he doesn’t work them 2 weeks that he is at home?

I don't like calling people out for the jobs they do, I assume he is fulfilling a role that is needed and brings money to the household. OP would of known this when she married him and had a baby, some jobs just aren't as family friendly as we would like them to be. I don't think that makes him a bad Dad.

Only having his daughter for two hours at a time is for his OP to address with him. My SIL went away the other weekend and I don't believe my brother had a choice in looking after her which of course he did.

Unless I’m being a bit dumb, I can’t understand why he isn’t doing childcare if he works 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. How does he spend no time with the kids solo parenting if he is at home not working. Am I missing something here

He has 26 weeks holiday a year! I think you need to take a reality check and see how most people cope with 5 weeks holiday!

Wouldn't you want a holiday with your family though, if you only see them two weeks in four?

But you see them 24/7 for those two weeks in four. They may well spend more time together than someone working long hours or shift work in a conventional job.

So you get breaks but he is not allowed too?

FWIW I think 4 days away feels more reasonable with a child under two. DH and I go away with friends separately but it’s far easier now DS is KS2 age, toddlers are a lot.

I think the real issue is your childcare isn’t suitable- your parents are saying they are at their limit and it is a lot for you if two weeks on turns into 3 weeks effectively. Your DH doesn’t sound like he does a lot when he’s around?

@Rubyredshoes12 he will be soon, I’ve been on maternity leave until a couple of weeks ago when he was away.

@Twilightstarbright he does pull his weight when he’s around and is a good dad.

I'm surprised the consensus is so overwhelmingly in favour of the holiday, so perhaps he is in the right. I will probably use my return time to have him help out more at home though as I need rest more than a trip abroad I think!

4 days might seam more reasonable but really for a ski trip you'd spend as much time travelling as skiing if you only went for 4 days.
By the time you allow time to get to the airport, through security and on the plane that could easily be 3hours, 2-3 hour flight, and often a 2hour transfer (airports tend to be near city's not mountains) that's 7-8 hours travel, then the same in reverse. That really isn't worth it time wise or cost wise.

@Needspaceforlego 6am flight, choose a resort near an airport. Might not be ideal but it’s better than nothing.