Here goes…
My Husband nice guy, loyal, faithful, helps with chores, school runs/uniforms etc Pays majority of the bills, doesn’t go out getting drunk every weekend, prioritises family, stable partner.
But…he isn’t that smart and now I am mentally exhausted due to so many other factors, I have to do.
I do ALL the mental load..I book all the holidays, plan all birthday/Christmas celebrations, dates, child activities, family days out, socialising, planning for the future.
He has been in his job 20 years plus earning an average wage with no intent to change this but talks about having a better standard of life, So I have had to retrain (university) whilst working and looking after a toddler which impacted my results and have to say no to some jobs because of childcare restraints as this falls as my responsibility as he works in a job where his working hours change every three months, so childcare has to fit around my work. This is impacting our finances as I have recently found a good well paid full time job but it’s temporary as the permanent position meant different hours so now I have the stress of being mindful I will need to look for something else in a year and can’t move house etc When I raise this he just tells me he is supporting my career and it will be me that changes our future.
We never do anything fun together or as a family unless I plan it, I never get anything romantic not even planning a night in. I dread special occasions like my birthday as I know if I don’t plan something I just go without.
I have spoke to him about this but he just says he doesn’t know how and doesn’t mean anything bad about it and wishes he could do better.
But this rigid thinking is driving me nuts and exhausting me mentally as I feel like I have another child and having to be switched on brain all the time.
He won’t do anything without my input silly things like..what days does child have dance classes? Where? What time? He could just look this up. What does he need to buy food shop wise. (I do the shopping mainly and all the cooking, meal planning as he says he can’t do it and he is right he can’t ) he can’t understand how this is still mental load for me.
Lately I have been snappy because I’m so emotionally exhausted and he just tells me I am wrong for snapping, and that I am bully if I point out things that are wrong that he messes up as he just doesn’t think things through. So I have anxiety now around letting him do anything as it either costs me time or money putting it right.
I started to doubt this marriage but at the same time feel lucky that I have a stable faithful partner and don’t know if I’m asking too much.