To think men gossip just as much as women - they just call it “banter?”

[SnarkyTealBee]

Men love to say women gossip but sit in a pub and listen, it’s the same thing with a pint in hand. AIBU to think the only difference is branding?

Gossip and banter are not the same thing.
Also, men gossip and women banter, too.

Gossip and banter mean two completely different things

Why would anyone call gossip banter?

It’s like calling a car a motorcycle.

Gossip does have a branding issue. Women tend to care about, and talk about, other people. It probably is linked to higher empathy and caring.

DH spend all evening with his friends and can't tell me what any of the wedding plans are for his best (engaged) friend or what his newly unemployed mate's doing. He doesn't really, on some basic level, care. That's not a good thing.

Some of the biggest gossips i know are males, and yes agree, all seen as bants and lols

Because rebranding it as banter makes it sound fun and masculine, instead of the exact same swapping of stories/gossip. Different label, same content.

IME, women gossip way more than men. Men aren’t as interested in other people’s lives as women are. Generalising, of course.

They’re different.

Gossip is talking shit about people who aren’t there. (OMG, did you see what Susan was wearing yesterday?)

Banter is talking shit to people who are there. (Alright mate? What the fuck is that shirt you’re wearing? Makes you look like a pedo.)

HTH.

I've been going to a particular monthly event with the same bunch of men for nearly 20 years. We NEVER talk about families, work etc, just the thing we're there for (hobby)
However, I'm a fella who prefers the company of women, and most of my close friends are women 🙂

No-one has ‘rebranded’ gossip as banter though.

Like literally no-one?

Men definitely don’t gossip as much as women and banter is an entirely different thing. I find the majority of men don’t gossip….they’re so boring!

Both men and women gossip, both men and women have banter. But the two are different things:

Gossip is talking shit about someone who's not there
Banter is talking shit about someone who is there

Gossip used to mean close female friends, but like so many words about women, it evolved into a derogatory meaning, in this case denigrating the type of chit chat between women friends.

I know lots of gossipy men who can’t wait to share a rumour or a good story. I’ve no idea why it’s a gendered word because it’s certainly not a gendered experience.

I sometimes work on building sites alongside the builders, quietly beavering away up my ladder until they forget I'm there, and it's fascinating.

Most of their conversations are composed of gossiping about their workmates (especially their free and frank appraisals of their work ethic/ standard of work, although notable night out antics also feature 😆)

Most of the rest of the conversations are asking who's borrowed their tools without asking.

Topics occasionally touched on include football, spaniels and Lord of the Rings.

I'm glad to say I've overheard very little misogynistic nastiness though.

I've worked with men and women.Both gossip a bit but women alot more and in a more obvious judgey way.
Men don't care about their colleagues neighbours brother and nor do I.
Women I know do it to make themselves look better which I deteste.

Men I've worked with can chat shit though.

I'd also like to add that "gossip" amongst women is often denigrated, but is/ has frequently been lifesaving. Warning each other about predatory men/supporting victims can often be classed as "gossip".

Yeah, I've found that a lot of stereotypical gender-based conversational styles don't have much basis in reality.

Ever been around men networking in business or politics or the media? It is 100% gossip about who's done what and who's the right sort of guy. Getting ahead is all about who knows who.

The whole trope about women (and teenage girls) being bitchier, cattier etc is also bollocks. Men and teenage boys have just as many bitchy ways of letting other teenage boys who's socially acceptable and who's not. Ask any gay friends you have.

Conversely I don't find that women are only interested in people's personal lives. I'm quite capable of chattering away for a whole evening to female friends about our common interests (politics, art, books) and never once do we ask about our partner's mother's sister's hospital stay or whatever.

Personality determines all the above and personality isn't based on gender.

I hate to disappoint you, but in my experience men just aren't that interested in stories about someone else, and will actively avoid anything too personal. They'll talk shit to or about those present. Sport, politics, or whatever is ideal because it involves nobody there. But would rather pull out their own fingernails than discuss personal relationships.

No

Men are actually worse in my opinion..

You’re not being unreasonable but there are distinctions to be made. There is malicious gossip (that can be slander) versus banter. I think we tend to have an instinct on what’s what. In terms of the difference between men and women, women may be more likely to hurt with words.

I've spent much of my career being the only woman in the room, and yes, they do gossip. They also witter on tediously about Marvel films, football, F1 and snooker, but if I want to know about someone in the business, the guys are the ones with all the info, work and personal.

It doesn't; it just sounds dumb. The two words have very different meanings.

This sums it up perfectly. Gossiping is done behind someone’s back or when they’re out of ear shot banter is taking the piss out of someone to their face.