“Friend” venting to my husband

[ForNavySnake]

I have a group of mum friends who I regularly chat with at the school gates. We have a Whatsapp chat and arrange play dates etc, I thought we were pretty good friends. A couple of nights ago me and one of the others had a difference of opinion on something, nothing angry was said, we just didn’t agree. Today she has deleted all her messages from the chat, avoided me at drop off and then I found out she was venting to my husband about “my behaviour” when he picked our daughter up last night. AIBU or is this shady behaviour?

All sounds a bit silly to me.

A “difference of opinion”…. Now that I’d be curious to hear more about! 😆

I would no longer be her friend.

How odd! What was the ‘difference of opinion’ about? What did your husband say?

If you trust your husband it’s not shady behaviour.

It’s weird to go to someone’s partner and complain about them. The assumption would be that the parter wouldn’t even entertain the conversation so what’s the point. I wouldn’t call it shady though.

Well seems as though the “friend” got in there first!

Without hearing both sides it’s unreasonable to ask people to comment. 🤷‍♀️

Need the details of the ‘disagreement’.

We’ll be lucky!

Did your DH entertain that? Because mine would not have.

'Nothing angry was said', possibly she disagrees

It's immature and melodramatic, certainly. But not 'shady'.

And your DH closed the conversation down immediately, yes?

I would expect my dh to give this no head space at all! And would remind her if she wants to talk it through over a coffee - like most adults - she is most welcome! This really isn’t going to be worth the stress op….keep school relations civil, for your child, which is why you are there.

What was the difference of opinion?

Why on earth is she complaint to your husband about you? That’s just weird.

What was the disagreement about? Makes a difference if its something like your viewpoint is about immigrants and she is an immigrant, or you said something that she thought was racist - then I can see why someone would be very wary of further engagement

What did your husband say?

Assuming you said nothing controversial, then yes of course its shady to avoid someone and simultaneously moan to their spouse over w minor disagreement

So is this "friend" close to your H? Do they have history for having private conversations excluding you? Because the fact she felt comfortable doing so on this occasion is very worrying.

She obviously sees your disagreement very differently to you. I agree with the others that it's hard to say that her reaction is ott without actually knowing what happened

I agree with others about what the difference of opinion was. That makes a huge difference on whether she’s overreacting or not.

Check your husbands phone, wouldnt be surprised if they were having an affair.

Seriously though, what was the disagreement about, hard to judge otherwise, we cant just assume you were in the right/calm about it all.

The disagreement was over a post on the “unofficial” school FB page (which I’m not on) where a father was outraged at the all women teaching staff because there were no male role
models for his children. Apparently the post was reported to the school and she said it was outrageous because he’s done nothing wrong, I said he may not have done anything wrong but maybe someone should mention to him that as their father, he should be the male role model for his children.

And yeah, my DH did shut it down immediately. I think I was just more upset that she didn’t talk to me if I’d upset her and went straight to him to say what an awful person I am.

Yeah, that’s really weird behaviour!

Yes, very weird.

Was she hoping your husband would "tell you off" for her?

I guess so

She sounds weird af. Glad your DH didn't entertain her.