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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anxiety or Munchausens?

6 replies

Coconutsandlime · 10/09/2025 11:47

Hi all,
I've always had an odd feeling about one of the other Mums at my Dc's school. I have never felt this way about any of the other Mums. I feel awful incase I'm completely off the mark and this poor lady and her children have just had a really bad time of it, and been really unfortunate.

She seems to be dramatic about her dd illnesses since nursery, it always seems to happen at home and never at school. They are now a couple of years into primary school (year 2), and it is still going on. I have been told about allergies causing a blue light ambulance when her dd was a baby, causing her to to turn blue and swell up in her highchair, as she gasped for breath. I felt terrible for her and expressed how scary this must be, as I know a diary allergy is life threatening. It has however kept going for the last couple of years, and her dd's natural confidence has seemed to plummet, she looks sad and withdrawn, but happier when with her dad. At school parents workshops she tells her not to go near hay, and many other things shouting, "you're allergic remember keep away from this or that." She goes on every school trip and doesn't let her dd mix without her there, all of the other other children are allowed to have some independence.
This Mum is always talking to the teacher, keeping them back at the start and end of day about things, being very dramatic about every little thing. She will make a huge deal of trips, events, appointments her dd has, telling teacher on the door, when everybody else just pings an email through. I can understand a quick reminder, but we are talking a detailed story. A lot of the time this happens infront of her poor dd who looks scared to death when she talks about hospital appointments.
In reception she said her dd passed the school vision test, but she knew she couldn't see properly so got eyes tested privately, and her dd turned up in glasses. She said that her dd has asthma and made a huge scene of giving her dd an inhaler outside, and making sure teacher knew all of the details, that there was a spare one in school (again not a quick reminder). She said she had been fighting with the GP for a permanent inhaler but they only would only give it for after months due to age, but she knows her dd has asthma. Her dd's younger brother also has had a range of things, she said he has all of the things her dd has, so has had him at hospital getting tests for allergies as he has been breathless at night. They are in hospital getting steroids etc after viruses, viruses all of the kids have had. I realise there can be complications, but it is always worse. Again it could be just a very very unfortunate time for them.

She fought with doctors about her dd needing her tonsils out, her dd has rarely been off school, the doctor wouldn't refer her to ENT due to normal size tonsils and no history, other than normal sore throats kids get. She then got an appt with a different doctor saying she was certain her dd has sleep apnea and needed them out. Despite a long waiting list she rang numerous time and got her in a lot earlier, jumping the cancellation list queue. Then she said they had to stay in hospital 2 nights because dd wasn't eating and needed a drip when came back to school two weeks later. She told the teacher she would need certain foods etc and huge conversation on the door infront of her dd on her first day back to school.
There are dcs with a range of things and I have seen anybody else go on that way. I really like this other Mum, but why do I get a feeling something is off as illnesses keep continuing. I have never ever even though of Munchausens in my life, and only heard the term years ago, this popped into my head acouple of years ago and I have told myself I was wrong, but I cannot shake this feeling. She is now saying her youngest son (2) needs his tonsils out as well, and has been in hospital for different things.

Her son goes to nursery and is rarely absent. I don't understand it. The latest thing is she now believes dd has had the worst case of chicken pox she has ever known, all over and she wasn't eating, vomiting, and that she was calling the gp. This was followed by hand, foot and mouth requiring a hospital visit last week, and suspects younger son is coming down with asthma as well.

What does everyone think? Could is maybe just be anxiety with this Mum, making things sound worse, wanting check to be sure? She does do the same sort of thing about school reports and attainment making appointments outside of school's time slots for one to ones with the teachers (always the first and only to do this), maybe just anxiety?

As I said I do like the Mum, and she lives in the next street a long, so we will walk to school together sometimes with the kids. I feel awful for feeling this way behind her back.

OP posts:
Mushroo · 10/09/2025 11:58

I’m a mum of a kid with allergies and it destroys your mental health. Before DD I think I’d been to the doctors about twice.

Post DD being diagnosed with allergies, I’m a wreck. It’s not a case of ‘she’s allergic to dairy, avoid dairy, relax.’

Every meal, even safe ones, you’re on high alert. Are they going to react? What if they get a new allergy?

In school you can’t trust other kids not to leave milk around / dust from wotsits. It’s a world where there is risk everywhere.

Ashthma goes hand in hand with allergies and so the mum will be on high alert.

The other part is doctors are quite dismissive really, so you feel alone, unheard and it sends the mind reeling.

So I’d say she is probably anxious, but anyone would be.

Imagine if every meal you served your child, you were told ‘oh, this might have e-coli’. And they were getting served those meals at school when you weren’t there. Imagine you’d feel a bit overly protective/ stressed.

The other aspect is you jump to the worst for everything. I never thought my DD would have allergies (we have none in the family), so now I’m on high alert for anything. Is it a cough or is it bronchitis? Is it another allergy? Is it a rash or meningitis?

Just have sympathy as it’s the worst and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Gardenroomdoom · 10/09/2025 11:59

I'm an allergy mum. It's very hard and people usually have no idea how much advocating you have to do. People constantly forget about the allergy or downplay it. She probably IS anxious but possibly rightly so.

Asthma, tonsils are also linked to allergies so these things are probably within the realm of normal and often run in families. Fwiw my ds passed the school screening for hearing one week after a proper NHS review which found he has hearing issues so the school screeners aren't that great.

She has probably learnt through all this that she has to advocate ALL THE TIME for her DC and continues to do so at school. It comes across a bit pushy perhaps but unless teachers have a problem I would just get on with your own life rather than trying to analyze the poor woman.

CinnamonBuns67 · 10/09/2025 12:14

Could be either really or it could be that she's actually got really poorly children (which could contribute to anxiety as I admit she does sound so anxious bless her) I know I'd be a nervous wreck if my children were constantly poorly and sometimes you do have to fight to make sure doctors listen and do something it's not always a given.

School and the child's doctors would be best placed to know if something was not matching up/something was actually off and if mum was making things up they'd be on it I'm sure and they'd have it reported before that mum could blink.

As you don't know the childs medical history (like physically seen it) you can't really say if she's making it up or not so I'd say go with your gut but it's so hard to know so do what you can live with.

Didimum · 10/09/2025 12:38

Sounds like anxiety, and I think the first few responses you've had here are very eye-opening.

On this point:

In reception she said her dd passed the school vision test, but she knew she couldn't see properly so got eyes tested privately, and her dd turned up in glasses.

The reception vision test is NOT an opticians eye test, which children should be taken to routinely from age 4.

youalright · 10/09/2025 12:47

Serious health conditions are very anxiety inducing and its very normal to have to fight the nhs every step of the way to get them to listen and take you seriously. Thankfully none of my kids have allergies but I be terrified and paranoid if they did. Allergies can be incredibly serious and people can and do die from them. You are putting a lot of trust in other adults to keep your child safe and thats the level of trust I don't have for others so I would sound like a broken record to. Just be greatful you have healthy children and luckily this is something you don't understand

Coconutsandlime · 10/09/2025 13:09

youalright · 10/09/2025 12:47

Serious health conditions are very anxiety inducing and its very normal to have to fight the nhs every step of the way to get them to listen and take you seriously. Thankfully none of my kids have allergies but I be terrified and paranoid if they did. Allergies can be incredibly serious and people can and do die from them. You are putting a lot of trust in other adults to keep your child safe and thats the level of trust I don't have for others so I would sound like a broken record to. Just be greatful you have healthy children and luckily this is something you don't understand

My dcs have issues too (I have 4), life threatening at birth and lifelong but I am fortunate I don't have a life threatening allergy to deal with. I am pleased everyone thinks it is a anxiety, maybe this has spilled over onto the attainment side as well. She really is lovely, which is why I felt terrible.

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