*MNHQ adding content warning* AIBU to feel like people with healed but visible non accidental/SH scars should feel no more pressure to cover them in public than anyone who had a scar from an accident, surgery, birth etc.

[Nonoanddefintelyno]

Sometimes it feels insensitive because I feel like if someone were to notice my scars and they themselves also had struggled with SH, I feel like in that situation the person always is able to recognize where your scars are from and it puts pressure on them to try and ignore what they have just seen on your skin, because they don't want you to feel awkward. But the reality of it is that its probably more alarming for someone to see your scars if they also have them.

I also feel like making people feel pressured to cover their scars, creates the impression that SH is ultimately, a shameful, embarrasing and "uncommon"/rare issue. When actually I read the other day that 1 in 16 people will self injure at some point in their lives. There are shops i go to on a weekly basis where several of the staff have visible scars. That would suggest it's not such a rare issue as it's made out to be.

The thing I find the hardest to deal with is the concept of self harm/addiction being a form of sin, or that people who have scars linked to mental health, have "ruined" their bodies or that god will now not accept their body because their skin is imperfect.

I don't think a school teacher for example, who is in a position of influence over young people should be showing SH scars, a civil servant or grocer would be different.

Who is telling you that self-harm is ‘a form of sin’?

Are you religious? If so your church should be supporting you, not scaring you with stories about god.

I know a couple of people with self-harm scars. Sometimes they cover them, sometimes they don't - it depends on context. I'm not sure anyone really thinks that much about other people, generally - you might glance at them and realise what they are, but most people won't feel any more than mild sympathy or curiosity.

Self-harm scars are different to other scars because they're indicative of your mental health either currently or in the past. You shouldn't feel pressured to cover them if you don't want to, but inevitably they do tell a story. It's up to you whether you want that story out there or not.

I don't know about all the sin stuff. I'm not religious/don't come from a religious background so I don't think of anything anyone does in terms of 'sin' or God. That's not a view I've ever really come across.

I wasn’t aware that God, if he exists (he almost certainly doesn’t) was in the business of accepting or rejecting bodies. He’s more interested in souls, as I understand it.

I was a chronic/habitual self-harmer for nigh on 2 decades.
In work, I've always covered my scars, as I've always covered my arm tattoos. Not because they are 'sinful', nor has it ever been suggested that they are, but because they can be a distraction.
My arms are an absolute scarred mess and, no, I don't want people in certain environments to see them.

I'm sorry for your struggles and I hope you're in a good place now.

Even if you believe that self harming is a sin, my understanding of Christian teaching is that God loves us all despite our sins.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions."

Who is telling you they’re a sin?

Everyone has a different appetite for sharing their difficulties. What should be private is personal taste and like anything most things people say are a projection of how they feel about things themselves and not always a reflection of who they are redirecting it at. For example racism is often rooted in fear not hatred for hatred’s sake.

I don't think anyone has perfect skin, whether it's scarred from self harm or not. I've got scars from childhood accidents, people have surgical scars, then there's the huge number of skin conditions that exist, tattoos, sun damaged skin, even patches of dry skin. Like a PP I've never heard of perfect skin being a requirement for heaven membership.

I imagine people cover these scars because they don’t like the way they look, or because they’re a visible reminder of their mental health issues - rather than society pressuring them to do so.

From the outside perspective, if I see a person with SH scars, the obvious conclusion is that have or do struggle with their mental health. If someone is serving me in a shop, this thought wouldn’t be anything more than fleeting. If I am coming across this person in my personal or professional life, I may give it somewhat more thought dependent on the context.

Whilst it might not be rare, it’s uncommon enough that it sticks in the memory. Some people with those scars, especially those that have left that chapter of their life behind might not want others to know such personal information about them or be unintentionally judged on it.

I told my teen to wear long sleeves because their younger cousins don’t need to see SH scars, the teen gets all the support they could ask for but they don’t need normalize SH 🤷🏽‍♀️ I don’t want to see it on others because it triggers me to think of my teen doing it, my mental health matters too
YABU

I have multiple scars from surgery.

I feel pressure to cover them.

don’t know where you got the thing about God and perfect skin from, not a thing as far as I am aware.

I have no nipples due to
mastectomy and reconstruction. If changing in an open plan changing room, I’m always more careful if there are children in there. I don’t want to upset any child - ie they may be lucky enough to have never heard of cancer, and I wouldn’t want to be the cause of that conversation. Or they may have lost someone to cancer and find it upsetting.

just other adult females in there, no drama.

I don’t really see SH scars as different from that ?

It is your body, its only a shell, I wouldn't expect anyone to cover up their scars, accidental or SH.
I would assume that the person was/is suffering from trauma. depression, internal pain, in a professional setting, you cannot show your any emotions on your body or from your chest without judgement, it would be seen as a sign of instability. 💐

My arms have been stitched up more often than I care to remember.

It doesn't occur to me anymore and hasn't done so for years to cover them up.

Holidays abroad - brown arms, thick white scars...

They don't bother me, why should I care what anybody else thinks.

I'm not talking a few neat cuts, I'm talking having ripped my arms open with broken glass over decades.

If I can manage to forget they are there then I don't really care if they are troubling anyone else.

And my legs.

Whereas I knew straight away what my teen was doing - pulling sleeves down, wearing long sleeves because I understand.

Luckily she was only scratching with nails - which I explained probably made her more sore and prone to infection.

She let me help her both physically and mentally and as a beautiful 17 year old now, she can't display enough flesh 😭🤣

I never once told her to cover up. She would through choice, but never at home.

She's never once told me to cover up either.

The thing I find the hardest to deal with is the concept of self harm/addiction being a form of sin, or that people who have scars linked to mental health, have "ruined" their bodies or that god will now not accept their body because their skin is imperfect.

I don't know what your religious background is, but I don't know any decent human being, of any religious faith, who believes that self-harm is a sin that means God doesn't accept you.

The bottom line is that nobody should have to cover up any form of scar or disfigurement if they don't want to, whether it's self-inflicted or not. It's their body and they don't have to be ashamed or cover it if they don't want to. If other people find it upsetting or unpleasant, that's not the scarred person's problem.

Many people SH you shouldnt have to hide them but people may well ask about them. Just say you were a lion tamer in a previous life of you don't want to answer unsolicited questions

I barely know where to start with this, but this is an awful attitude.

Totally depends on their job, no to teachers but nurses have no choice if they are on arms below elbow.

Leviticus and Deuteronomy both say you should not cut or mark your body. How this is interpreted by a faith varies. Judaism doesn't have the concept of sin, some Christian sects or Jehovah's witnesses may take issue with it in relation to the concept of resurrection or afterlife

However a compassionate religious leader would not condem someone who self harmed as they would understand you were/are in the depths of despair.