Reasonable ground rules for 17yo dd and her boyfriend

[GenXTex]

DD has a new boyfriend. We haven’t met him yet.

She has just started year 13 and will be 18 in a couple of months. He’s 19 and has left school and is doing a college course. They met when she was on holiday with friends this summer.

Shes only had boyfriends from school before where we’ve known the parents etc and I’m struggling to think what reasonable ground rules for safety etc are with a boy we don’t know anything about. (Realising that is knowing a boy isn’t in itself a guarantee of nothing going wrong, of course.)

Thanks.

At that age I am not sure you can set rules on a relationship. You could have rules about your house but that's about it.
I think you need to take a more adult to adult approach and talk to her about her own boundaries. So suggest he comes to visit her first, things might feel quite different back home post holiday.
You could set a boundary of how often he can stay over at your house and suggest she limits overnight stays to his house when she has college in the morning.
Presumably they have already started sleeping together on holiday and she could very easily decide to move in with him next year so the time for setting rules is over.

Just listen to her. Treat him as you would treat a new friend that she has made. Let her enjoy this new chapter of her life. Be welcoming, and friendly and let her grow

Meet him. Meet his family. Make sure your daughter is on the pill and has free and easy access to condoms. They will be having sex, so don’t pretend it’s not happening.
talk to your daughter about healthy relationships and red flags. Try to keep an open dialogue about her relationship so she can come to you if she has any problems. She needs to keep you informed of where she is going and who with.

Meet him, that's all you can do
If they're going to be sexually active, make sure they have access to the contraception of their choice and a safe place to do it.
Our ground rule was 'if you don't want to hear us, we don't want to hear you'

Not sure what rules you are contemplating? Obviously you want her to focus on her A levels, so i’d be suggesting she still priorities that, but she is almost an adult and I wouldn’t be laying down rules. My DD is same age, 18 in March.

It’s her first proper boyfriend and some posters are talking about them moving together! What is this panic about?

I’d handle it exactly as my parents did when I brought my first “proper boyfriend” home around that age:
I’d just make it clear to her that you are always available to talk about anything relating to her new relationship. And re-visit the safe sex and consent conversation that I’m sure you’ve already had.
Also just the basic of courtesy for everyone else in the house - they are 17 and 18, highly likely they are going to having sex 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 but the rest of the house doesn’t need to be hearing it etc