I’m kinda shocked. Known this friend for 10 years always supported one another. She’s been good to me and me to her, I pride myself on being a helpful friend. One who supports, advises, and helps where I can!
she confided in me that a situation had just happened in her family . Her ex husband had a trip abroad planned for one week with their eldest son who’s 14 to see his brother. She had reservations about it as and always fears he might flee back to his country with said child ( highly unlikely he has another child with her, a good job in the uk for past 10 years , friends , accommodation and so on) anyway the afternoon before the flight she is panicking, worried to the point in her own words having a panic attack and her son asks her what’s wrong .. she proceeds to tell him that she doesn’t trust his dad and then bombards him with negative information about their marriage and how is basically a person not to be trusted and blows his character apart.. her son bursts into tears and breakdown. In the meantime she’s taken her worries to her elder son who driving on the m25 distracting him and involving him in the emotional upset at home which resulted in him crashing his car and it being a write off with young children in the car who could have easily been hurt!
meanwhile her ex husband comes as planned to take their son to the airport. He walks in to an atmosphere completely unaware of what my friend has told her son. She tells me that she told her son ‘ go if you want I’ll be fine ‘ but she had just emotionally over shared dragged his dad to the ground and made the boy feel guilty seeing his mum so upset.
long story short dad finds out what’s been said. He tells the lad he doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want too. Bering in mind it’s all paid and booked for. No suprise he decides not to go. Dad leaves the house .
tbh I couldn’t believe what I was hearing . I told her if she wasn’t comfortable with her ex husband taking their son abroad she should have said no or explained her worries and asked for assurances, I made clear she shouldn’t have told her son all that adult information upsetting him greatly and putting him in the middle and I told her she’s lucky her calls and upset to her eldest son resulting in him crashing was a clear sign she couldn’t do this again. I told her while I understood he; anxiety she handled it totally wrong. I assured her holidays come and go the car crash she couldn’t have known but she must focus on her son and the damage she caused .
this hasn’t gone down well. She sent me two abrupt messages this morning calling me out of making her feel worse and rubbing it in. I calmly broke down all my responses, reminded her I have always been supportive but I was coming from tough love so she and her kids are never in this situation again because I do care . She then responded back clearly refusing to accept that I wasn’t coming from a point of attack against her and was wanting an apology from me . I simply said I’ve explained my response and why I took that view point ( she was unreasonable and must learn from this to better manage her emotions and not damage her kids in future over situations like this , why agree to it in the first place ? Why not speak to her ex husband as it’s been booked for weeks ? ) and I stand by it but my intention was never to make her feel” worse . She didn’t reply. Just seen she’s unfriended me.
kinda shocked; kinda hurt