Help me get a grip

[Deedeedoe]

The last five or so years have been hard. One crisis after another. No time to process whats happened before the next shit storm. I'm talking children with mental illness, elderly parents with terminal illness, responsibility for parents finances and selling family home and contents, childrens accidents resulting in prolonged hospital stay, my menopause and breast cancer. I feel like i ve been punched in the head. How the hell do I become a normal person again. Someone who wakes up looking forward to the day, who socialises, enjoys hobbies and looks forward to the future. Am I a moaning Minnie. How did you lift yourself out of the fog xx

Sall Grover, when she came home to Australia from NY and LA trying to break into the script writing business and all the mess that that entails, was such a mental mess she went to a counsellor.

Her counsellor advised her that she needed a support community of women so she set up an app called Giggle. ($1m on legal fees, so far, to keep men out but that’s not where I’m going here).

So, could you afford to spend a long weekend or, preferably, a week at a women’s wellness retreat place? No pressure, no expectations. Just your bed made, good food placed in front of you, plenty of quiet time and emotional warmth from other women around you.

Thanks for your reply. Worth looking into x

You have had so much stuff going on that I don't think anyone could possibly tell you to get a grip 😩 My own cup is pretty empty at the minute, though not as empty as yours, I'm sure you will get plenty of good advice from others but I didn't want to read and run. Hoping things improve for you OP 🙏

Sounds like you’ve been through an awful lot xx

Counselling. I've also had a horrendous few years (domestic abuse, left DP, chronic illness, no longer well enough to work, DC with lots of health problems).

I've had several counsellors and have now settled with one who suits. She has really really helped me with my mental health recovery.

Give yourself permission to have an empty cup, allow yourself some grace to fill it up again. It's going to take a while filled with small steps that will bit by bit replenish your spirit and energy levels. Try writing a list of a few things you can think of that will help you heal. start with eating healthily (most of the time), getting outside for a walk regularly and potentially talking with a counsellor regularly. then choose one thing you want to focus on for a month, the next month choose something else and continue doing the bits that you enjoy and make you feel more whole.

Wow. That’s a lot. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with with all that xx

Honestly - give yourself time. Don’t put yourself under pressure. Let the sand settle. Focus on the little things - live one day to the next. If you can, try to carve out a little chunk of time just for you every day. If you feel you have the headspace, use it to pursue a dream or something that matters to you and speaks to who you are inside (for me, it would be a dance class - I loved to dance when I was young. What did you enjoy before life got so demanding?).
If you don’t have the headspace, just spend it watching a series or colouring or whatever it takes to ‘switch off’.

The other thing, when you have the energy, is to volunteer somewhere for maybe just an hour a week. You meet the loveliest people, you feel good about yourself, it adds purpose and reminds you of your values and who you are, and it takes you away from your problems by switching the focus to a cause. If you’re done with supporting other people (understandably), maybe something with animals or nature would be more therapeutic for you.
Good luck x

You don’t need to get a grip. You’ve been through a terrible and traumatic time. The only thing that will help is a sustained period of calm so that your nervous system can begin to reset and you can finally come down out of fight or flight. Be really, really gentle with yourself. No harsh words, don’t tell yourself you need to get a grip or belittle what you’ve gone through. Trauma causes physical changes in our bodies, ones which take a LONG time to heal. It took me three years to finally feel I was myself again after an extremely traumatic incident, (don’t worry I did slowly feel better during those three years, but it took three to feel properly like myself again!) and even then I am still healing, I think it’s something you do for life after you’ve had to carry such emotional turmoil with you.

So - speak kindly and gently to yourself. Don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself, take each day at a time and you will begin to come back to yourself. But it takes time and prolonged periods of calm. Wishing you the very best xxx