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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be looking forward to a trip?

29 replies

Browneyeees · 08/09/2025 22:11

Mum to 3.5 yo and 1.5yo. Wedding annniversary trip booked for wed-fri as both kids in nursery then so my parents will be looking after them.

We'll be dropping them off Wednesday morning and picking up Friday afternoon, where we're going is only a few hours drive

I just feel so bad leaving them and I don't like it. I love us all being together. When im at work I just feel so bleh. I love being with my kids and as a family!

My eldest is looking forward to a sleepover at grandma and grandads. He loves his grandparents, usually as they say yes to everything haha! I try not to police it too much as my nana was the same growing up. My youngest is still kind of young but loves her grandparents too.

I just dont feel excited and want to get it out of the way really. Sounds awful doesn't it? Me and dh havent reallt had time alone since our youngest was born because up until recently she refused to be alone with anyone else and screamed bloody murder if I left her. So I guess I. Used to no dates no trips etc

OP posts:
RoseAlone · 08/09/2025 22:13

I don't blame you. I've never left mine like that so I wouldn't be going I'm afraud

AlloaintheMiddle · 08/09/2025 22:16

Well I’d say it’s normal… it’s life with kids and it won’t feel better anytime soon, so just go, try to enjoy and slowly get used to leaving them.

Cakeandusername · 08/09/2025 22:17

It’s a short time and the children are with adults who love them. Personally I think not wanting to spend time with husband is potentially an issue. You do need to be a couple not just mum and dad.

Eenameenadeeka · 08/09/2025 22:20

I understand how you feel, we've never had a night away since we had children ( and our eldest is about to be 13 haha) because we prefer bringing them with us. I think id just worry too much and be terrible company, but hopefully once you get there you can relax and enjoy yourself. Your children will be safe and happy at nursery and with loving grandparents

Pippa12 · 08/09/2025 22:25

It feels strange at first to leave your children but once you’ve set off you’ll have a great time. I thought I’d pine for my children but they are safe and happy.

Me and my DH spend time laughing, eating and enjoying each others company; remembering that we do actually like each other and get on like a house on fire.

bigwhitedog · 08/09/2025 22:25

I used to have the time of my life at my grandparents house when i was your eldests age. It's 2 nights and they'll be in their normal nursery routine. don't overthink, this is good for all of you.

yousillygoose · 08/09/2025 22:25

RoseAlone · 08/09/2025 22:13

I don't blame you. I've never left mine like that so I wouldn't be going I'm afraud

I hate replies like this. Self righteous with the sole intention of making the OP feel bad!

OP, it’s only 2 nights and I’m sure they’ll have a great time with grandparents spoiling them!
The first time going away without kids is always the hardest, but grown up time is just as important as family time. Buy them a gift from wherever you’re going, you can look forward to giving it to them on Friday.
Happy anniversary!

Cutleryclaire · 08/09/2025 22:26

You’ll probably really enjoy it once you’re away. Or at least come back rejuvenated.

BlueMum16 · 08/09/2025 22:29

It's a couple of nights. They are safe and looked after.

It's fine to be nervous or hesitant but please go, relax and have to time together.

KimberleyClark · 08/09/2025 22:29

Cakeandusername · 08/09/2025 22:17

It’s a short time and the children are with adults who love them. Personally I think not wanting to spend time with husband is potentially an issue. You do need to be a couple not just mum and dad.

This. Doesn’t bode well for the future of your marriage if you don’t enjoy spending time alone with your DH and need the kids there to make it bearable.

NoctuaAthene · 08/09/2025 22:32

I think you'll get loads of replies from people saying they never left theirs until they were 18 even for a single night, but I'd definitely say go, I think you'll relax loads and enjoy yourself once you're there. They're going to loving, familiar grandparents not a labour camp! And you'll only be a few hours away so in the unlikely event anything happens you can come back, but nothing will happen. It's great they're going to nursery like usual so it's only a couple of dinner/bedtimes and a couple of mornings away from you, that's perfect for building their confidence without overwhelming then or exhausting the grandparents! Have a great time, it's so important IMO to take some time to yourself and with your husband, it absolutely doesn't make you bad parents at all, and you can have a lovely break with the children the next time you go somewhere...

HardworkSendHelp · 08/09/2025 22:36

I think it is a really smart way of doing a trip. Your parents won’t be over whelmed having to look after them for two full days as they will be in Nursery. You will come home rested and you can have a lovely weekend with the kids. It’s very important for couples to spend time together without their kids. In a blink
of an eye the kids are grown and then you are back where you started just you and your husband. Please try and just go and enjoy yourself.

Rocknrollstar · 08/09/2025 22:36

You should go. We left ours with my parents from when they were very young. It did us good, the GPs enjoyed having them and they grew up fearless and independent. It will also do your relationship with your partner the world of good.

SkaneTos · 08/09/2025 22:36

Your children will be with good people that love them.

You will be with your husband who is the love of your life. I'm sure your will have a great time together! Enjoy!

Velvian · 08/09/2025 22:37

Try to make the most of. It will be a really good time to go for a meal, go for a coffee, do something cultural and catch up with your DH.

I have a trip with DH this weekend and I feel the same tbh, and mine are more than 10 years older than your DC.

I know we will have a good time though. Important to keep that connection outside of the DC, ours are becoming more independent and it will only increase.

3pears · 08/09/2025 22:38

RoseAlone · 08/09/2025 22:13

I don't blame you. I've never left mine like that so I wouldn't be going I'm afraud

That’s a shame - don’t worry OP your kids will have an amazing time at their grandparents house. I used to absolutely love going for sleepovers at my grandparents- some of my best childhood memories are of those days. I would have missed out on so much if my mum had had the attitude of this poster!

HeddaGarbled · 08/09/2025 22:45

He’ll be thinking sex; she’ll be thinking sleep.

Generally, I think these sorts of trips, when the children are so very young, are never as good as hoped for, so I suppose if you’re not looking forward to it, you won’t be disappointed.

Your H will be, though.

Pippa12 · 09/09/2025 08:35

HeddaGarbled · 08/09/2025 22:45

He’ll be thinking sex; she’ll be thinking sleep.

Generally, I think these sorts of trips, when the children are so very young, are never as good as hoped for, so I suppose if you’re not looking forward to it, you won’t be disappointed.

Your H will be, though.

Ha! We do both and it’s bloody brilliant!

ShodAndShadySenators · 09/09/2025 08:58

I would rephrase this trip in my mind as being really beneficial for the children. It's really good for them to spend time with loving relatives instead of always their parents, especially if you can do longer spells like weekends. Obviously if you'll miss them then you're not going to look forward to that, but it's good for couples to have exclusive time together as well and have a break from just being mum or dad.

(I'm slightly prejudiced on this as my DS's relatives have never taken him out or had him on their own, like ever, and it really stings. He's not even difficult to manage, he's quite easygoing and never whinges. So if your children's grandparents want to have them and will enjoy developing their relationship, grab that with both hands! It's really special to be spoilt by doting relatives and will build your dc's self esteem knowing they are cherished.)

Swiftie1878 · 09/09/2025 09:07

Don’t underestimate how important it is to give your relationship with DH some attention once in a while - it sustains you through the tough phases you go through as parents!

I understand your emotions, but this is one of those times when you need to push through for the sake of maintaining a healthy marriage. Do it for each other.

Your kids will be happy and spoilt, and the reunion when you get home will be amazing.

Cakeandusername · 09/09/2025 11:10

Dc being happy and comfortable with grandparents is also helpful is there is an emergency eg one of you hospitalised. It also sets them up well for staying overnight with brownies or school. There’s some children who have never had a night away from mum and it becomes a big deal for both mum and child.
Mine stayed with grandma for a few nights from being small. As someone at other end now with a dc at uni, mostly just me and husband and it pays to have ensured relationship is still there. I also think it does children good to realise you are a person and couple not just mum and can have fun without them and vice versa.

5128gap · 09/09/2025 11:16

Yes, I can relate as I used to feel the same. I used to manage it by thinking of it as something that the people I loved, my DC, my parents, my husband would all really enjoy, and so I needed to get on with it and make the best of it. Accepting it wasn't something I wanted and so lowering the bar for myself in terms of excitement etc was quite freeing, and meant I actually tended to enjoy it more than I expected. In years to come you may be glad you started the healthy habit of time with your partner, DC spending time with GPs etc.

Geiirksns · 09/09/2025 11:18

I remember feeling like this but also found the trip did me and DH so much good

SummerInSun · 09/09/2025 11:24

You need to reframe this. Couples grow apart (entirely unintentionally) when they are always “Mum” and “dad”. This growing apart leads to unhappy parents and unhappy marriages and sometimes divorce. Even if you don’t think you are missing the couple that the two of you were before kids, and the individual that you were before then, it’s super important at not to lose those. Think of this trip as an investment you are making for your kids in ensuring that they continue to have two happy and happily married parents.

I adore my kids. So does my DH. I love our family time together, and of course I enjoy it more than being at work. But the three or four times my parents have been able to have the DC and my DH and I have been able to go away for two nights on our own have been wonderful, and so important for our marriage.

KpopDemon · 09/09/2025 11:29

Op these are very normal feelings for me! But my kids LOVE going to PiL. The little one is happy because sibling is there - they get spoiled with loads of attention and have the best time. And my PiL love having them.

It is the best thing now to see my antisocial teen DD still goes in for the big hug when gran and grandad visit (I would never get a hug off her!). Building that special grandparent relationship is so lovely - it’s a gift that you are giving your kids.

And sure you can will find it hard at first but it is lovely when you get your kids back and they are fizzing over with stories about the things they did while they were away. You’ll be glad you were brave enough to try it!