Wits end!

[SmolkedSamon]

My son is 12 and has turned vile VILE. Rude silly disrespectful, cheeky, nasty to younger sibling. Smirks when told off for this behaviour. Tries to deny the behaviour when sanctions are in place. also says things when we speak to him about his behaviour such as “oh I’m awful”, “you think I’m stupid” etc etc. I don’t know what my AIBU is but I guess I want to know…does this get worse? Or does it pass??? He’s like Jekyll and Hyde. Either a delight or just horrible. Really brings the atmosphere of the house down. He has a 8 year old brother and he acts sillier than him! Any advice???

Anyone?

As a teacher I found Y8 were pretty awful. Cocky and rude, not yet taking anything seriously and old enough to feel comfortable pushing boundaries.

What was he like as a younger child?

Thanks for your reply. He’s always been highly strung I would say. Prone to a tantrum as younger children and has big feelings. But wouldn’t dare be so rude and cheeky! It is really horrible cocky behaviour and he has even sworn a few times (not at anyone, just in annoyance - but I would NEVER have dared do this as a child). But it’s the nastiness to his brother that’s the most upsetting. He lost some privileges this week as a result but will argue til he’s blue in the face that his behaviour was ok and that we are just being over the top. Not enjoyable company when he’s like this. Or tries to make his brother laugh and a lot of talk of poo and fart but when reminded it’s not appropriate is like “sorry mate”. I’m not your mate!!

It’s time to do some reading yourself. Limit his use of devices. Put in the strongest parents controls you can find. Perhaps even mirror his devices into your phone so you can see what he is looking at. Set strong boundaries.

Tell him you love him. Smother him with kisses. Praise him as often as you can. Be interested in his interests. Have fun with him as often as you can.

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If he thinks whatever he is doing to his brother is ok, how does he explain or dismiss his brother’s unhappiness? Would he like it done to him?

I don’t know- is it worth treating him as he is treating you all? Or treating him like a younger child to reflect his immaturity? Otherwise just being really consistent with boundaries, and don’t be manipulated into softening.

What did he do to his brother that he thinks is okay but you don't?

Treat him like a mate if that’s what he says, mates don’t make you dinner or give you money without needing it back