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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice needed - take step back from friendship or not?

6 replies

Greenwiggle · 08/09/2025 20:43

New mums-netter here, looking for advice on my friendship dilemma.
I basically have a mum friend who I’m good friends with. She is friendly with another mum at school who is in prison for preparing and dealing Class A drugs, where her children were present. This is something I really don’t agree with and I’d rather not be associated with. I didn’t have my friend down as the type to associate with things/people like this either.
I didn't think they were that close until this happened. But, since all this has happened, their friendship seems to have gotten even closer. My friend has supported this mum through it all and has even visited and calls her in prison. The mum is due to be released in a couple of months.
My question is, how do I navigate things with my friend when she is probably going to be supporting her on release too. I really value our friendship but, I don’t really want to be making small talk at the gates with this other mum or sitting with her during school events etc.
Do I stick to what I feel is right and take step back? Or AIBU and “snooty” and should give this other mum a second chance?

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 08/09/2025 20:56

My assumption would be she is being supportive as she has had some involvement somehow and wants to keep the other mother sweet.

Greenwiggle · 08/09/2025 21:08

Hillrunning · 08/09/2025 20:56

My assumption would be she is being supportive as she has had some involvement somehow and wants to keep the other mother sweet.

I have wondered this, but I really don’t think so. I’d rather not get in to that side of things though, I’m just looking for advice.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 08/09/2025 21:15

I have no idea what would drive you to forge a friendship with a woman im prison who dealt drugs unless you were involved? were supplied drugs? were family? Or were on some volunteering rehab program to reintegrate offenders. Maybe the woman was innocent and is doing the time for your friends family member? guilt? ive no idea.

Silent retreat... stop initiating? Is she very forthcoming with invites and contact? Is it feasible to just pull back and let her do what she is doing. You cant impact what she chooses to do, but you can choose to not be party to it?

SleepLuxury · 08/09/2025 21:30

I would just be civil. I would be fine to make small talk with this woman. She doesn’t have to be my best friend though.

MolluscMonday · 08/09/2025 21:47

I’d step back. I wouldn’t want to promote a friendship circle where my kids were invited over to a house where that was acceptable behaviour.

Greenwiggle · 08/09/2025 22:05

Thanks for your opinions everyone. We walk to and from the school together every day, it’s very awkward as I haven’t really told her how uncomfortable I am about the situation.

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