In need of pep talk to not leave my job

[Abotherday]

I am due to finish mat leave soon and baby is doing settling in sessions at childminder. She's 10 months old and she's been so upset each time. I really feel heartbroken, she's been twice for an hour and cried half of the time. I feel very heartbroken.
I have an elder DC as well, but he settled in easily. I was at the verge of leaving my job then.
I have a flexible public sector job with decent pay and great pension. I have been there over a decade and got a promotion a few years back. These roles don't come easily and in the long term it provides financial stability to my DC and family.
Please give me some advice.

I thought I have done this before so it should be easy but it's been harder this time.

it is difficult, isn’t it, when mat leave finishing coincides with when many babies develop separation anxiety. She will settle. It will just take a bit longer.

Stick it out, even though it is hard, she will get used to it eventually. It will be worth it in the end for her, for you personally and for your family.

It sounds like you’ve hit peak separation anxiety. As a sahm, I found that phase utterly exhausting and depleting. It was hard to carve out any space for me in the fog of guilt. My MH took a battering, which made it even harder to pull out of martyr mommy mode.

I’m not suggesting it’s easier as a working parent, but there’s a lot to be said for getting an actual teabreak or lunch break and adult interaction. And obviously you already know the long term financial benefits.

It will probably be easier on baby when the session is longer, because she’ll get more time to bond with the childminder and the proportion of distress to calm will be less. It’s genuinely harder on you than her so try and think of little ways to increase your support. Maybe there’s a friend or relative you can phone for a chat in the morning after you’ve dropped her, who will indulge you fretting for a little while.

Wait it out. It’s still early days and very normal for a child to be unsettled and upset for a while with a first/new childcare setting. She will be fine in a few weeks, but I know how difficult it is for you knowing she’s upset. Reassess in a few weeks but I’m sure by then things will be more settled…