To not get consent from my ex

[StarDolphins]

My ex is an Andrew Tate loving, misogynistic conspiracy theorist. Fine. He’s also got narcissistic traits and I know this gets bandied about a lot but he 100% has.

He sees my DD for 8 hours every sat, no parenting goes on, it’s just a big Dad show where he has a captive audience to push his weird sexist/putin/trump views on.

So, to the AIBU…last year, I signed my DD up for her flu nasal and I had the flu jab. Cue an almighty, raging bollocking about how I’m a sheep and he doesn’t agree to it and that I must consult him first. I just said that’s fine but it will still go ahead.

So, I’ve just signed her up for this years. AIBU to not tell him until it’s already been done the day before?

I don't know the legalities, but if I were you I'd just do it, and not bother to tell him at all unless he asks.

My ex complained last year and refused for me to take our youngest to the drop in session at our GP. I took her anyway, he didn't do anything about it (specific issue order i suppose would be the way to go). The following week he then signed the consent form for our eldest to have it at school.... nope I don't get it either.
This year I am just taking my daughter, I've signed my son up already. Parents are notified of these things every year. He should be getting that information from the GP and school himself. Not my problem if he isn't playing an active role, so no I'm not telling him. If he raises it I will be honest. It just isn't worth the hassle sometimes.

My DD is the biggest sharer of info and will be proud to tell him😂 that’s what I’ve done every other year but he’s got more into ‘they’re out to get us’ so I think that explains last years outburst!

Good luck 💉 and I hope you can protect DD from his paranoia.

If all it takes is one parent's consent, off you go!

I’m guessing a letter came from school? Being such a good, involved dad he would have got one too, so he can contact the school
to discuss his concerns…

It’s just a tool to torment you, and get a little control over you. My ex used to kick off about this sort of thing, and how I should consult him, until I sent his the school email address for him to ask to be added to the mailing list, well he couldn’t be bother, do had to go quite on certain subjects.

As far as I can remember when you sign the child up for the vaccination, it asks if the person signing has parental consent. It doesn't ask for permission from all person's with parental consent. If your ex doesn't like it, then he needs to apply to the Courts to stop you going forward. I wouldn't bother telling him until after the event! In theory if you've received an email from the school, with the booking information, then surely he should have received the same email?? If he's requested correspondence is sent to him, then he should receive the same emails as you!!

Seeing your daughter for a few hours a week does not give him full parental control, she lives with you, so what you decide is all that matters.

Legally this is absolutely not true. Even a complete absent parent who is named on the birth certificate has equal parental responsibility to the parent who the child lives with, unless that parent has a "lives with" Court order.

In this case though it's irrelevant as it only takes one person with parental responsibility to consent to medical interventions, in the absence of a Court order.

Thanks all, interesting replies! It’s correct I got it from school and it just asked me if I had parental control so I signed it.

I don’t want to upset the situation more so that he signs up to the school for notifications or he’ll get more involved, he loves making decisions!

I think I will just wait for my DD to proudly tell him nd await my bollocking!😆

I wonder what the school would decide if we both got sent it, I agreed and he declined!

I’d just get it done and not mention it at all.

Let him take you to court..spoiler alert…he won’t!

I completed the online consent forms for both our kids last week. Didn't even think to speak to Dad about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ and he's my husband, who we all live with 😂. Admin is definitely my job though. But now I'm doubting myself and thinking I should at least mention it. I'd completely forgotten if I'm honest. So you can most definitely get away with it not being news worthy enough to share with a Saturday Dad!

My ex isn’t a conspiracy theory nut (thankfully) but he got a bit like this about the covid vaccines, but my kids needed them so that we could see my parents.

I just scheduled the vaccine for as soon after his parenting time as possible, and made sure we’d done something memorable in between so she told him about that instead.

Another saying ‘forget’ to mention it. If DD tells him afterwards, just say “oops”

If he contacts the school to refuse consent before it happens and has PR they unfortunately won't give it her (depending upon her age). If she is 12 plus she can give her own consent. Not saying that's right but it's the legal stance.

I definitely don’t want this to happen so I might have to mention it before she has it or I risk him asserting his authority (his fave thing to do) and tell the school he wants the form too😩

He definitely won’t, he can’t be bothered!

he would def fire a quick email to school though asking to be sent everything!

@StarDolphins The issue with him being made aware is he can just contact the school and refuse consent and then they won't give it.
Unfortunately I speak from experience and it is so incredibly frustrating!!
Does he know about it?

It really is. He can’t even give a proper reason or speak calmly either.

My Daughter shares all info with everyone. Otherwise, I wouldn’t tell him.

The immunisation is Weds 1st October so I might tell him that day while she’s at school! Text him at 3.30pm and say she’s having it today and then it will be done!

He doesn’t even know about parent hub or anything and if he was here now and I asked him what her teacher is called, he wouldn’t know.