Would this annoy you?

[PeanutPies]

My husband has a habit of comparing my decisions/skills/knowledge to other mums. For eg, if I say that I am not happy with the music teacher his response would be ‘ oh but xyz’s mum seems to be on top of how the music curriculum works and quite friendly with the teacher , or if i say there are too many activities happening all at once , it’ll be ‘ yes but so and so’s mum knows how to draw boundaries’ you get the gist. It’s bloody annoying- I’m not out to get the mum if the year award and I’m doing my best with a full time job. He is someone who is very afraid of making mistakes and I’m not- what gets me is that would he take it if I compare him to other parents? I feel really annoyed a d find this very disrespectful.

I would find this frustrating too. He doesn’t seem to trust your judgement or value your opinion. Does he only do this in relation to DC matters or does it apply to other situations too?

Yes that would annoy me a lot

He is really devaluing you OP.
I would find it very upsetting and it would affect my self esteem.

Its not just annoying, its really odd. Does he do the same for himself in his thoughts do you think? It might be how he treats himself so it comes out with you too?

YANBU tell him that him constantly comparing your experiences to others is not helpful and ask
him how he would feel if you do it to him.

And try doing it to him actually, see how he likes it.

Yes annoying. Maybe if you're second guessing yourself and unsure I would understand it but otherwise no. You've said he's not sure of himself so it's about that and not you. I'd draw it to his attention and ask him to stop.

I would switch my ears off

Next time big sigh and suggest you bet Y's dh is a good shag...

How does he know what all these mums are doing? Why can’t he just trust his wife?!

I’m baffled as to how he has such in-depth knowledge about so many other mums tbh!

Very annoying.

I'm surprised you haven't turned around and ranted - "well bully for so an so's Mum!!"

Although he'd probably reply "So and so's Mum doesn't lose her temper with me".

You're in a no win situation. Why does he feel the need for comparison? I'd struggle with ignoring him, or that's nice dear. Actually I'd be Pauline Fowler with the frying pan 🤣 In my mind. I'd seriously be wondering why I'm with someone who enjoys putting me down constantly.

How would he even know that another mum is ‘on top of the music curriculum?’ Jeez - I’d have struggled as a busy mum to even give a shit about the music curriculum myself, let alone make observations about other peoples’ commitment to it! Does he go around spying on other mothers and have a bug in each of the other parents’ houses?

Fuck me - he sounds like a totally pedantic insufferable shrew of a man. Why do you put up with it?

Yeh. I’d say “well you should’ve married her then shouldn’t you”

I would dump such a man

If other women are so great, go and be with them 🙄

In a word: yes

I can imagine that in a situation where a partner consistently fails to cope with normal everyday things and acts like it's never their fault, it would be natural to start pointing out that everyone else seems to manage this stuff just fine and that maybe therefore it is the partner, not the world, who is the problem.

But assuming that this isn't the case for you, and that you're just sharing occasional annoyances like 'God, this info on the music curriculum is so badly written - it's really not clear whether they can do piano and guitar or whether they have to choose one or the other' and he's then smugly chipping in with 'Well, Emily's mother seems to have understood it' - then yes, he's being a colossal twat.

Desperate for the OP to do exactly this and then report back.

'Oh - you've come already? Henry's mum says her husband can last for hours.'

I agree with you.

Ooh dear. That’s not good at all. I think I’d be more than ‘ annoyed’.

The lack of respect in those responses is very undermining.