I have been with my bf for 16 years. We have 2 children together (10y and 5 weeks) and he raised my daughter (19) from the age of 2.
A week ago I found messages on his phone to another woman he works with saying stuff like he loves her and he hopes he’s enough for her. Plus other stuff but I honestly got so worked up I can’t think of it. She is saying it all back to him. She is in a gay relationship.
On the day I found them he admitted everything said they had kissed and cuddled a couple of times but not slept together. He said it started a year ago.
Now he’s saying she has manipulated him and made him feel trapped because she made out she would make his life hell at work. He told me he said all of that to her to keep her sweet.
He’s saying I’m being unreasonable by splitting up as we have been together 16 years and surely that’s worth fighting for. But to me 16 years should have been enough to not do that. I have said that is the one thing I can’t forgive and if he had slept with her it wouldn’t be as bad to me as it would be more of a moments decision. Where as he has said he loves her and they have an emotional connection. He said that it hasn’t been going on for a year but on and off for that time. But I now feel that he has made that decision to cheat more than once.
On top of this, we went to her birthday party as a family, after we had our son (5 weeks ago) we had a family day out planned and he invited her and her son along, which she came, he has bought her and me the same gifts, and he was arranging for me to look after her son while they went to work as she was having childcare issues and that is my field of work. I just feel he has totally gaslit me and made a complete fool out of me.
I have made my choice and he has left. I believe the words I read in those messages and not the excuses he is coming out with now.
I just wanted to put it into words and see what others thoughts are?
Sorry for the long post.
I hope that makes sense.