i read this scenario on another forum and had to get your thoughts.
AIBU to feel like the husband's mother is completely insane for her behavior after their first baby was born? The husband and wife invited his mother over to meet their newborn daughter just 4 days after birth. Instead of bringing a gift for the baby or the new parents, she brought an expensive tool set for her son to work on his pickup truck. She made it clear that the gift was just for him, to congratulate him on becoming a new father. What really stood out to the OP was that she didn't bring anything for the baby, and seemed to be focusing more on her son's interests than on bonding with her new granddaughter. To make matters worse, she's been asking only her son how he's adjusting to fatherhood, completely ignoring the mother's well-being and experience.
The OP feels like she's being treated as just an incubator, rather than a partner in parenting and a new mother who needs care and support. The lack of consideration for the mother's physical and emotional needs is particularly striking, given that she literally just gave birth. At a time when she's likely recovering from a major medical procedure, dealing with hormonal changes, and adjusting to new motherhood, the MIL's thoughtless gift-giving and lack of inquiry about her well-being feels especially hurtful. A simple gesture, like bringing a meal or offering help, would have gone a long way in showing support for the new family. Instead, her actions seem to prioritize her relationship with her son over the needs of the new family unit. AIBU to feel like she's not being very supportive or thoughtful?
Shouldn't she be focusing on supporting both of them as new parents, rather than just celebrating her son's new role? Here's a possible reason why the MIL's behavior might be considered insane: The MIL's gift-giving behavior shows a complete lack of consideration for the new mother's physical and emotional needs after giving birth. Instead of offering support or help, she prioritizes her son's interests and ignores her daughter-in-law's well-being. This lack of empathy and understanding is particularly striking given the significant life event that has just occurred. It's not just about the gift itself, but the fact that she seems to be oblivious to the new mother's needs and feelings at a time when she should be receiving care and support. This behavior raises questions about the MIL's priorities and her relationship with her daughter-in-law.
That being said, I think the son could have done a better job of speaking up and advocating for his wife in this situation. Maybe he could have said something like, "Mom, I appreciate the gift, but let's not forget that my wife is the one who just gave birth and is recovering. This is a moment for us to celebrate our new family together, not just my role as a father. How can we work together to support my wife and our new baby during this time?" By doing so, he could have redirected the focus to his wife's needs and experiences, and shown that they're in this together as new parents.