Disconnected from dd14

[Imgettingfuckintired]

I know she’s a teenager and this is supposed to happen. I’m single mum to dd14 don’t really have any other family. It’s hard
lately I just can’t get her to do anything with me, when she does she acts like she absolutely hates me
I really worry about this she just doesn’t want to talk at all we have literally no family lige, she won’t do chores I’m at my wits end

Im a single mum of a 14 year old boy and it's the same way. If you're being honest with yourself though. If you suggested going on a train to another city to go shopping or ice skating or something, she'd want to go then right? So chances are, we're not suggesting things that are exciting enough to them and they find other things more appealing. You could also look at it, that she is secure enough in her own skin to do her own thing without needing you as much and that's a great sign.

I don't actually remember me hanging out with my mum too often at this age, except for going to town shopping the odd time. I was happy enough just to know she was there and was more focused on what friends were doing. With my lad it's gaming. Dinner, homework then gaming. That's it. I am concerned myself to be honest because he doesn't see his friends in person, only online. i know girls and boys are different though

I have a 14DD , we go to Costa, because it’s her thing and Primark so she can look at makeup.

Both are my idea of hell but she will compromise if I am paying. She did go through a patch where I was too embarrassing to be around- options evening at school for GCSE, where I had to talk her down from having a meltdown in-front of everyone, was particularly challenging.
I’m a bog standard middle aged Mum.
That was a year ago and it’s got slowly better since.
Chores wise- it’s like talking to a goldfish so we now write 3 things on a post it and they mostly get done.
Most of all , it’s normal for teenagers to want to break away but it hard for us as parents to see that too.
Last year I was at my wits end but realised that I have to give her space and show her that I trust her judgement, even if I only get grunts.

Experts will be along in a bit to explain but Something happens in their brain that makes them seem as though they are rejecting everything. It’s horrible, the selfishness, the lashing out, the separation into adulthood beginning but hold fast. It will
pass. It’s as though they project all their uncertainty, all their turmoil on to us. I read somewhere that the nastier they are the more constant and calm parents should be. We made sure school, homework, team stuff were not negotiables. Kept their bedroom door shut on the chaos and an open house for friends, didn’t make a fuss and paid a regular allowance so they had independence. Look for the good and praise it. Relish the times they seem to regress and want cuddles and to be listened to. Car trips are good for this.
i remember in my early teens not wanting to sit by my mum on the bus. Awful.

@Whatwouldnanado great post ,I'm in the depths of this also op.as pp said try not to react
Having said that I do say occasionally ,please be polite and very occasionally I have raised my voice and said enough

Both seem to reset it for a while. But I try and floss over it

I have 2 adult kids and a 13 year old DD and I swear it’s harder for them being a teenager now looking back.
there is so much pressure on them now thanks I would say to social media and even if you try your best to limit it and be mindful , I still believe it’s really difficult for them.
there is so much judgement on them ,
like some people of said above , I try and make sure I allow her to vent when she needs , I’m her safe space as a single parent , I try and make sure we do something every month she chooses to enjoy .. shopping , movie , I play Roblox with her which I detest but pretend to enjoy lol and I make sure we walk the dogs together so we can chat out any problems or issues.
she still makes me feel like I’m rubbish sometimes and chores are hard work but as long as she knows she can come to me always with no judgement I think we will be ok , and you too lovely