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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sometimes feel disliked by my own children?

20 replies

sometimesidobutothersidont · 07/09/2025 15:50

When it’s just me and them they are lovely.

When we’re out as a family they scream and cry if I go near them or attempt to help them on eg park equipment, sit with them, anything really. Just whingeing and crying for DH all the time.

I know - I’m the mum and I’m always there and not a novelty. But honestly today it’s both hurting me and driving me away.

They are two and four and a half.

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/09/2025 15:55

My dd(6) with autism hates me playing with her in the swimming pool

I sit on the edge and watch, counting down when she jumps into the pool

Other parents swim with their kids and play games, mine screams if I go anywhere near her

I think its because she associates me with ending her fun 🙈

Dont worry too much, they'll grow out of it. Maybe you could do fun things as a family and have dh be the one to initiate 'finishing and tidying up time'?

xx

Original poster
sometimesidobutothersidont · 07/09/2025 15:57

I feel like walking away altogether to be honest. Maybe that’s extreme but I don’t know. Feels like I must have gone really wrong somewhere.

OP posts:
EchoedSilence · 07/09/2025 16:01

I would think Dad is the fun guy and they don't spend as much time with him. I'd just let them get on with it and let him run around after them.

EchoedSilence · 07/09/2025 16:02

Not saying you are not a fun mum!

WonderingWanda · 07/09/2025 16:15

Do they spend more time with you? I think whoever is the most present care giver often gets taken for granted by small kids who are excited by the novelty of someone new or seen less often. Or are you the one who disciplines them and your dh is more of a Disney fun Dad (which is totally unacceptable)?

Just wait till they are teenagers, they will hate both of you on a daily basis abd talk to you in the most condescending way, as if you weren't alive for 30 years (or whatever) before they were born. (Is it wrong to get such satisfaction from proving smug teenagers wrong?)

monicagellerbing · 07/09/2025 16:16

Wait until they are teenagers and act like you’re utter scum. That’s always fun

auguries · 07/09/2025 16:18

Do you do fun things with them? Or are you always the “time to go/time to brush your teeth/please eat your vegetables” parent?

Createausername1970 · 07/09/2025 16:22

I think, as other posters have said, if they are fine when it's just you, then it's the novelty of having daddy to do things with them.

Perhaps ask your DH to spend more time with them without you, he takes them out to the park etc., and you don't go. Enjoy the time to yourself.

After a few times they may be asking for you!

Original poster
sometimesidobutothersidont · 07/09/2025 16:25

Guys I am sure things will be a thousand times worse when they are teens. Which is kind of why it would be nice not to be despised now.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 07/09/2025 16:28

I had this for a bit. I got dh to pick up more of the boring jobs so I could do more fun bits. It soon sorted itself out

Ambivilentbeing · 07/09/2025 16:33

Why don’t you send them to the park with just Dad on a Saturday morning and then they’ll have time to miss you? Plus then dad has to do all the dogsbody work as well as be fun, like you have to when on your own with them.

beetr00 · 07/09/2025 17:15

sometimesidobutothersidont · 07/09/2025 16:25

Guys I am sure things will be a thousand times worse when they are teens. Which is kind of why it would be nice not to be despised now.

@sometimesidobutothersidont you are not despised, you have not gone wrong. They are babies.

It is not personal, don't make it so, just continue to be their loving, grown-up, Mummy

stargirl1701 · 07/09/2025 17:17

I think that’s ok. I’m not there to be their friend. Sometimes they will hate me. That’s normal.

Oneeyedonkey · 07/09/2025 17:18

Sorry, but i think this is a little sad, you need a tougher skin and dare I say it, grow up a little.

Oneeyedonkey · 07/09/2025 17:18

You're not their friend, you're their mum.
Get used to it.

SunriseOver · 07/09/2025 17:28

sometimesidobutothersidont · 07/09/2025 16:25

Guys I am sure things will be a thousand times worse when they are teens. Which is kind of why it would be nice not to be despised now.

That is by no means inevitable. Honestly - as a mum of three teenagers and one who's already out of their teens - I hate it when people post "just wait until they're teenagers". Not only is it deliberately choosing to get in a good kick in the face while you're down, it's not even true.

There's a thread still to be found - started a week or so ago - on which a parent asked whether it's inevitable the teenage years are hellish and the vast, vast majority replied that the teen years are/ were their favourite.

Teenagers are lovely, as far as any age group can be generalised about. Shame on the "if you think it's bad now, just wait" crowd - that's a properly uncalled for and cruel response.

SunriseOver · 07/09/2025 17:29

beetr00 · 07/09/2025 17:15

@sometimesidobutothersidont you are not despised, you have not gone wrong. They are babies.

It is not personal, don't make it so, just continue to be their loving, grown-up, Mummy

Show quote history

This.

SunriseOver · 07/09/2025 17:30

Ambivilentbeing · 07/09/2025 16:33

Why don’t you send them to the park with just Dad on a Saturday morning and then they’ll have time to miss you? Plus then dad has to do all the dogsbody work as well as be fun, like you have to when on your own with them.

and this

Original poster
sometimesidobutothersidont · 07/09/2025 17:33

Oneeyedonkey · 07/09/2025 17:18

Sorry, but i think this is a little sad, you need a tougher skin and dare I say it, grow up a little.

Yeah I probably do … but when one is lurching out of your arms screaming DADDY and they cry and scream when you go near them … it’s kind of hard NOT to take it a little bit personally! I’m just worn down with it.

OP posts:
CrispieCake · 07/09/2025 17:52

Play it cool. Stop trying to play with them but play alongside them. Build a tower on the floor by yourself, take some chalks to the playground and start chalking, take a cool new pool toy and start playing with it by yourself.

This method has a 99% success rate because most kids are like cats, only not furry and more annoying.

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