Mocking a child in public, what can be done?

[LeopardSnow]

Spotted in the playground. Two and a half year old kid, who had asked to go on a roundabout and then was crying and saying she wanted to get off. The dad was imitating her voice, and waving his arms about saying “I’m scared I’m scared I want to get off” and the mum was laughing (at his antics) and saying what are you scared for, don’t be a baby.

Later saw the same little girl sobbing, and the dad following her saying aggressively, - “what are you fake crying for, waaah waaaah” again doing a high pitched imitation of her voice.

It was so cruel, my inner voice was screaming to pick the kid up and run off and take her somewhere safe, not an option obviously. I get that everyone has bad days, I have two kids myself and god knows I’ve shouted at them and got exasperated sometimes - but this wasn’t that, this was cruel mockery and belittling of a toddler by two calm parents.

But what - when you see something like that - can you actually do that will help the child? Telling them off would be useless.

What can be done?!?

Honestly I don’t know what you can do about it but I totally agree it’s awful and I absolutely hate seeing it myself.

What horrible horrible people. And that little girl will grow up to be the same as them to her kids.

The difference between you and them is when you have a bad day and shout, your kids will understand it, either at the time or afterwards when you explain, and if you are otherwise a good parent your kids will still feel loved and safe. That poor little girl will never feel safe and secure because her parents are mocking her for a very basic and natural behaviour. She won’t understand and will always be anxious about any feeling she has. I would have said something to the parents, not shouted, but just calmly said something. But I’m a bolshy confident older person. I realise not many would have the confidence to speak.

That sounds like such a hard situation to have witnessed - it’s emotional abuse of a toddler.

Maybe in that sort of situation you could offer a gentle interjection “I remember when my children were that age, they often got scared. It gets easier…”

Being there might make them more likely to stop.

Of course, you were in a playground, so your own children may have seen this. Depending on their age, it may be something you want to talk to them about.

As a parent, reading this does break my heart. I’m sorry you had to see it.

Don't know. Follow them and get their address? Repeatedly doing this would be classed as emotional abuse. You could just let NSPCC or police on 101 know, so if anything came in they could use it as further evidence.

They wouldn't act on your one bit of info - they might not even record it - but at least you'd have tried.

Nasty. Don’t think there’s anything you can do, though.

Horribly sad not sure what you can do

Yes I agree, purely on the off-chance that this person may not be the child's father. It could be the Mum's boyfriend, and if so this could be a red flag.

Very upsetting, either way.

Yes I had my own two with me or I might have done something like this. Not that it would have achieved anything mind

Yes it was absolutely emotional abuse. I would have said something empathetic to the parents (not because I felt empathetic but to help them calm down), if they had seemed overwhelmed, or exasperated. But they didn’t, they were calm and laughing - LAUGHING!!

I’d have called them out on it openly if I’d have thought it would have done any good, but it wouldn’t have helped the kid and I had my own two with me and the dad was built like a gorilla.

The only thing else I can think of is saying to the child directly, “I find the roundabout scary sometimes too” with a warm smile. That way at least some adults are safe and validate her experience.

This makes my blood boil. It’s emotional abuse. I’d possibly have followed them home and once I had the address reported to the police or NSPCC. A child died at the hands of grandparents that were treating him like this (in our area recently) as far worse was going on behind closed doors. Poor child.

Sometimes kids get into the way of fake crying all the time for attention. No the roundabout thing doesnt sound good, but yoi have to assume her parents know her better than you, and can tell when she is laying it on thick.

I work with children in a safeguarding role. Unfortunately, there is not a great deal members of the public can do in the circumstances you describe where they witness a one off incident that is not classed as a criminal offence and they have no knowledge or information about the child in question.

In theory, you could do as pp have said and follow them, hoping they go to their home address and not elsewhere. But doing so could put you at risk. You have no idea where they will go, who will be there and whether it is indeed the child's address. You also don't know these people and what their reaction could be if they were to become aware they were being followed.

PP have also suggested you call the Police, but they will tell you they cannot take any action as no criminal offence has been committed. They will tell you that if you have a safeguarding concern about a child then you should report that concern to children's services, unless it's a 999 situation which this clearly isn't.

You can contact Children's Services, their number will be on the website for your local council, and you don't have to give your name. I have to be honest, it is vanishingly unlikely that they will carry out an unannounced visit to an address (that may or may not be the childs place of residence) based on the specific concerns you have described. The most they would usually do for a concern at this level is contact the parents and signpost them to universal support services. Unless the child in question already has a social worker, in which case the information would be passed on to them, assuming the address you gave was indeed the child's home address and therefore they were able to look the child up.

Those saying "this is emotional abuse", whilst I totally understand that perspective it's not quite that simple. Emotional Abuse of a child in UK law is defined as "the persistent emotional maltreatment of a child such as to cause severe and adverse effects on the child's emotional development." So for it to be abuse there needs to be evidence that the behaviour is happening regularly over a significant period of time and there has to be evidence of an impact on the child. I'm not talking about a hypothetical impact (e.g this could make the child feel XYZ), I mean specific examples of how this particular childs health, wellbeing or social development are being impacted. Whilst I am absolutely not defending this persons actions (he sounds vile and I can absolutely see why this was upsetting to witness), from the perspective of the Police or Children's Services what OP witnessed is not evidence of "abuse". However, OP that doesn't mean you shouldn't call the NSPCC or your local Children's Services to talk it through.

@marnieMiaoueven if so this is a child. They are adults and it’s NEVER ok to mock and humiliate a child. If she was ‘putting it on’ this us NOT how they should react to it. And as she had both patents there watching her why would she need to put on an act to get their attention?

I’d have stopped the roundabout, made my kids get on it so she had time to get off.
taken a discrete photo of them
followed them home and got their address
reported to social services

its hard - I saw a teenage girl punching her female friend on the arm repeatedly and saying she was getting 10 punches in each arm, the tall gangly boy with them was holding the abused girls arm so she couldn’t move. I just stared at them - the boy let go, said to me we’re friends it’s a joke, I just carried on staring, the girl getting hit was half laughing at first but then saw me staring and told her mate to fucking stop hurting her

I’d love to put the parents on a scaled up roundabout and spin them until they threw up. And then get a group of other adults to laugh their heads off at them. And then do it again.

I really don't think you can say this.

You got a few minutes view into someone else’s life, it doesn’t mean it’s their entire reality.

while i dont agree with their actions, there are some kids who just cry all the time for sympathy/attention. Im sure the parents dont hate their child, they are just trying to stop her crying when there's nothing wrong.
As i say i don't agree with their actions, but this, if it even is EA, doesn't even come close to the threshold for action.

Yes of course, it was just a disturbing few minutes. Shouting / exasperation etc all pretty normal - and something I’m sure most good parents do from time to time and wouldn’t want to be judged on a snapshot of. Mocking and belittling their kid while calm feels different to me

What a horrible thing to witness and that poor baby having to experience. How can an adult mock a baby, for being a baby- such bizarre behaviour. Even if only a few minutes, doesn't paint the full picture, it's enough glimpse of the picture, to see it's not a nice one.