Going to a street event hosted by neighbour?

[blancmangee]

On Thursday night a couple that I am familiar with (say hello too etc) knocked on the door to advise me of an event they were hosting in a few weeks time on a bit of green land opposite a children’s play area.

They were knocking on everyone’s door and inviting everyone.

I think it’s a really nice thing to be doing and they are a nice couple (in 60s I am in my 30s).

I don’t really want to go to be honest as I know from past experience that being to friendly with neighbours can end badly.

My last neighbour would often wonder down my back garden to “check his meter” every 2 weeks without even asking and in the end the police had to be called as he was then looking in all the windows and would walk past when DH was having a shower.

Anyway I just say “hello” to my neighbours and take their parcel in if required but that’s it.

AIBU to not go to this event?

They are aiming for a community type feel of the 3 streets on this estate which I totally respect but it’s just not for me.

Just say "I'm busy, sorry, enjoy your event"

I never go to neighbourhood events. Not my thing at all

Just send a bottle and your apologies and wish them a good evening if you want to be friendly, don’t show or do anything at all if you don’t. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes I may just send a bottle as they are a lovely couple and have always told me to knock on the door if I ever needed anything.

I don’t think showing your face at a neighbour-organised street feast for fifteen minutes is going to lead to inextricable, problematic relationships with your neighbours.

But equally, if you don’t want to go, don’t go.

You had one neighbour that took the piss.

Yanbu not attend if you don’t want to.

But don’t avoid it because you think that type of behaviour is likely to be repeated if you do. In fact neighbours that overstep overstep anyway - the event itself likely wont lead to it!

Sometimes the only people who can help are literally your neighbours people on the spot. I think it’s generally a good idea to build bridges with them for everyone’s sake.

We have regular street get-togethers. Last one was at the beginning of August, and we had a conversation about how everyone else we know thinks it's really weird.

Some people stay for the whole thing, other people pop up for half an hour or so. Some rarely attend at all, due to being ill or infirm or antisocial.

We have a WhatsApp group too. And share produce gluts.

Yes there is also a WhatsApp and Facebook group.

Ive learned by experience not to get involved with neighbours so I would probably not attend. You could always drop them a card or message that declines politely but leaves you open to something you might want to attend in the future.

"Dear Dot and Fred, many thanks for your thoughtful invitation to the get together next week. Unfortunately we have plans for that day. I hope you all have a great time."

Gawd i k ow how you feel.

Im a massive hypocrite because i enjoy living in a village with a strong community feel, and like my children growing up where everyone knows everyone ect.

BUT when it comes to attending small events (not so much the village fare that's big enough to be ok) my heart always sink when the invitation comes in.

Im an antisocial bugger and i struggle with smiley small talk for longer than 10 mins.

Maybe just go for half an hour and bring and leave a bottle. Family event to go to is a good excuse.

I don't think having a cuppa on the green will result in a lifelong co-dependent relationship with your neighbours, @blancmangee

Go or don't. It's not a legal requirement. But it can be handy to know your neighbours when things like COVID happen.

Youre comparing issues that seriously affected you in the past with this now. It’s not the same. Just go and show face. Don’t give too much away if you want to remain private when you speak to people. Take your own family with you and hang with them if you don’t want to socialise.

Go .

People often moan about loneliness and lack of community spirit but then don't want to be part of a community .

I think that unless you are genuinely busy, going for half an hour or so is far better, knowing your neighbours really is an advantage when things go pearshaped and by attending fir a short time you are not committing to lifelong Co dependency!

Yabu, show your face for 15 min and go on with your day. You say they are lovely so what’s the issue with you not being nice in return. You don’t have to be Best chums with them so I don’t get what is the big deal.

I’d be swerving that. To me neighbours are just people that live in the houses around you, I don’t particularly want to know them or have much to do with them.

Say you're WFH that day and will be busy but you hope they have a great time.

You don't have to go if you don't want to, if you don't like that type of social events or just can't be arsed to meet your neighbours.

But I think it's a shame if you let 1 bad experience with 1 crazy individual that happened to live next door put you off meeting other people in your community.

Our street organises events like this every year or so (some people have been living on the street for years or even generations), it's a nice opportunity to meet, have a chat and a drink. It doesn't mean we have much more contact the rest of the year, but we do know who lives on number 84.