AIBU to think my friend, now a sex worker with a married sugar daddy, has gone too far?

[BFFofTheMainCharacter]

Friend of 20 years has reinvented herself as a sex worker with a married sugar daddy, and is now unbearable to be around.

I’ve been friends with this woman for nearly 20 years. When we first met, she was perfectly normal, a fitness instructor, sociable, fun, always single but seemed happy enough. She had a bit of a dramatic streak but nothing unmanageable.

Then covid hit, and honestly, it was like she unravelled. Because of lockdown rules, she got into this weird pattern of dragging men off Tinder and moving them in straight away. One guy in particular was really unstable, he ended up falsely reporting her to the police for drugging, kidnapping and raping him. Obviously it was nonsense and no charges were brought, but it was a huge drama.

After that, she torched her old life. Quit her job, cut everyone off, went to live “off grid” in the woods in a bell tent. She lasted a few months playing at being some wild free spirit, then got bored and moved back to London. That’s when she got into webcamming and eventually full-on escorting.

Now she has one main “client”, a finance guy who pays for her to live in a £3.5k a month flat in a very boujee part of London. On top of that, he’s given her a credit card with a £100k limit. The catch is that he is married with two small pre-school kids. She thinks this is hilarious. She literally laughs about how clueless the wife must be and brags about how she is the “main character” while the wife is just boring background NPC.

The narcissism is off the charts now. Everything has to revolve around her. She swans around talking about her “main character energy” like it is a personality trait. She sneers at my life. I’m married, have kids, and a career. She constantly rolls her eyes and says things like “ugh, there’s more to life than nappies and pets” or “I could never settle for a 9-5 like you, I deserve more.” I actually have a fairly successful career, but to her anything that isn’t men bankrolling her and her “shopping and beauty” lifestyle is laughable.

What makes it worse is that nearly all her other friends have quietly disappeared too. She insists it is because they are jealous of her “main character energy” and her new lifestyle. She cannot see that it is actually embarrassing to be around her when she is like this. It is exhausting and cringeworthy, not enviable.

We went on holiday recently and it was unbearable. She insisted on the “best” seat everywhere because “I need to be seen.” She tried to boss me around, telling me what we were going to do, and expected me to run around after her because, in her words, “I always do whatever I want.” When we met some guys and they asked what she does for a living, she smirked and said: “I live… I shop… I keep myself beautiful. That’s what I do.” She genuinely believes this is an accomplishment. She obviously didn't share with them she is a sex worker.

We were only away for three days, and she spent two of them literally in bed, sleeping, then sulking when I refused to sit around the apartment with her. I went off and did my own thing because I couldn’t bear wasting my holiday.

I’ve bent over backwards to be understanding of her choices, even when I don’t agree with them. I’ve never judged her for the sex work, or for reinventing herself every five minutes. But she offers me no grace back. She judges, sneers, mocks, and now actively gloats about being a married man’s mistress while living off his £100k credit card. I honestly feel sorry for his wife and kids.

After 20 years of friendship, I don’t recognise her anymore. She is smug, selfish, and exhausting.

AIBU to think this friendship has run its course and I should just walk away?

Yeah, well I thought it was a bit on the low side, she probably has to make do with the clearance shelf in Fortnums....

I'll stick with the original terminology

Wonder if they use turquoise stickers instead of yellow for the reduced foie gras

It will be dreadful when he stops paying for her lifestyle- I hope she’s putting money aside

In all seriousness though, I can attest to what she says about escort use being extremely prevalent in men from all walks of life in particular married men. The men who use escorts are very often the men you would never suspect. Family men who could very well be your husband/brother/friend/family member. I am surprised at the naivity some people have about how commonplace it is.

I know this because I escorted on and off for two years while I was at university in London about 10 years ago. I was constantly in demand, so many middle class, decent looking, professional family men, many with wedding rings. I had several regulars who were married, their wives suspected nothing. I visited many of them in hotels on their lunch hour. They are incredibly sneaky and well-practised in not getting caught. I was constantly told that they booked me because I'm British, educated and did it on the side as opposed to being a full time escort, they didn't want EE women because of concerns that they could be trafficked. Those years are behind me and I'm happily married now but I know what most men are capable of because I have experienced it first-hand.

Agree, ditch her, I couldn’t be friends with someone like this and listen to her trash….can’t believe you agreed to go on holiday with her though

Only to someone who believes that it’s possible to buy consent. The rest of us understand that sex work is not work. It’s not a job; it’s an abuse of power. She is not a sex ‘worker’, she is a prostitute. And no amount of changing the terminology to make it sound less abusive and more clean cut will change that.

I think I would be happy for her though if she wasn't such a dick about it You would be happy for her that she’s clearly had some kind of mental health episode? That she’s avoiding another one by trying to convince herself that her life is wonderful and that she’s completely in control? That she’s using hard drugs to be able to do those things? That she’s on her way to standing on a street corner to pay for the drugs she needs to block out what has happened to her?

OP, in your shoes, I’d tell her that you can’t stand by and watch her destroy herself any longer and that when she’s ready to get clean and get the help she needs, you’ll be there for her.

Yeah, he will get bored of her quickly when she becomes too familiar, then she will be back to living n her tent…..she actually sounds delusional and deranged

What?!! What sort of 38 year old pays keep for a near-50-year-old sex worker?! 🤣

Sounds to me that she is a Financial ProDom (Professional Dominatrix) and she is performing the quoted sex acts on him not receiving them herself. There are younger men who want to be dominated by older women so that bit isn't too strange. If she plays her cards right she could be 70 and still doing this <boak>.

It's her attitude towards you that is the crux here. She is not your friend.

Honestly she sounds so wrapped up in herself that she probably wouldn’t really care if she lost your friendship

You had sex with men you knew were married. Do you trust your husband?

You'd be surprised at the "diversity of interests" of many men. I used to be friends with a trans woman who was 50 + and also a prostitute. She had a very good (and diverse) customer base and maintained a pretty good lifestyle. It's definitely not just skinny young women that men seek out.

But back to the topic, yes i would dump the friend for being self centered and boorish

Sadly I think this comment has hit the nail on the head.

By the sounds of it, she'll be changing her persona again soon enough! It's either an exciting phase for her hence all the bragging.. or she is deeply unhappy inside and perhaps even trying to convince herself how good she has it.
On paper £100k credit limit and a boujee apartment sounds great (yes I do envy that!) but you miss so much else. Deeper connections, a rewarding/stimulating job.. it's very surface level and humans generally need more than that to feel satisfied in life - and when you are content, you don't feel the need to tell the world about it because you don't require that outside validation. She might wake up one day striving for more for herself. Perhaps it's a state that almost has to run it's course..

However when people's values and moral compass don't align, that's when I would distance myself. It's her attitude to it that gets me in all this. She almost reminds me of celebrities who get rich and famous fast where they're living a new lifestyle that gives them an element of grandiose.. just like these men paying for her and telling her how great and gorgeous she is (presumably)! Sounds like it's all gone to her head.

Just because his card has a £100k limit, it doesn't mean he allows her to spend £100k per month. He might have limited her to £3k a month + the flat.

She's not a "sex worker" she a kept mistress.

The OP has said more than once that the friend has sex for money with other men not just this main guy

To be honest, I was 20 and I didn't care whether or not they were married; the money enabled me to enjoy lovely holidays, clothes and handbags etc that would have been out of reach with my measly student loan. I was elated as I didn't have to count the pennies and buy the cheapest groceries as many of my friends were. And no, I will never fully trust a man.

Well you certainly valued those handbags above all else

I’m in actual awe of a 50 year old who has managed to convince a 38 year old multi millionaire to fork out for a £3.5k per month London flat and £100k credit card. She must be fucking amazing in bed.

Ask her what her trade secret is? It can’t be just beauty. Most girls are beautiful or give the impression of beauty these days.

It can’t be her personality. She sounds vile. Why are you still friends?

Yes but she's not worth it. She's immoral, batshit and trouble.

Interesting take on the comparison between a sex worker and a woman living in a relationship with a man.

OP's friend is kept by this man and paid by him because she provide sexual services. It's a business arrangement and he has all the power. If he decides she is no longer serving his purposes all payments will cease and she will lose her home.

A woman living in a relationship with a man will (usually) be an equal partner in the relationship. He will come home to her every evening and they will spend time building their life together. She will not be waiting around while he spends time with his, other, wife and children.

If she is a stay at home mother she is (usually) doing that because they agree that the situation is best for their children. She is not being 'kept' by him to service him.

A woman living in a relationship with a man is not generally sitting at home waiting for her partner to turn up to just have sex with her. Her priority is not keeping herself available for sex with him so that he will continue to pay her for her services.

… glad I didn’t come back to that on my lunch break 😭