AIBU re way we manage the household and spend our time ?

[GimmieABreakOr3]

Hi, I have name changed for this one. I’ll keep it brief but DH and I are mid 30s no children. He works in London during the week and I work from home and from the office one day per week. I’ve been having some health issues recently and I’ve been unwell this week.

I feel I am the one who maintains our house and does all of the cleaning and majority of the decisions re food, meals. I do the food shopping. Yesterday I felt restless as been stuck in and wanted to go out for a walk. DH said no. He is rigid and likes one day off at the weekend where he literally stays in “to rest” which involves video games, watching YouTube and then one day where he’ll do house chores.

Would this set up work for you? BTW he is not available at all during the week to do anything. AIBU to feel this is unfair, rigid and also pretty dull and boring as a partner.

You seem very judgmental of him and not particularly understanding - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend the day at home watching TV and unwinding, especially after a stressful week commuting to and from London.

If you don’t want to join him then make your own plans - see your friends, start a hobby, or even go to the office more yourself in the week so you’re not so reliant on him for human interaction at the weekends.

You talk about balance but seem to be ignoring the fact that he’s out all day during the week and battling with public transport and other people - so his balance is being at home.

Go back to the office full time, commute , deal with people all day , then see if you too fancy a day to do nothing !

Oh come on - i commuted in and out of London for YEARS, and dramatic bollocks about "people-filled journeys " and "needing downtime " are just that- bollocks. Unfortunately being an adult in an adult relationship means you have to give and take a bit. You really cant spend a whole day playing computer games and "relaxing ".

Thank you, that’s how I feel.

Everyone is different, some people love a day on the sofa as their downtime, other people prefer being out & out, some people are a mix of both- none of those people are wrong, but if two mix together then they’re incompatible and that’s where issues crop up like this.

Just because it’s “bollocks” to you doesn’t meant it’s the same for everyone else.

Some people recharge by doing very little on their own, others recharge by doing things and being around people - neither is right or wrong, just different.

The problem here is OP is home by herself all week and desperate to get out of the house on a Saturday whereas her partner is out all week and just wants to relax. Personally I couldn’t be with someone who needed to be out and doing stuff with me every weekend - I need that downtime so I don’t burn out.

You are either incompatible generally or your different working situations are creating an incompatibility. Can you get a job which is more office based if you want to be out more? I’d go mad if I was you.

There really isn’t a hierarchy of worthy and unworthy activities. Sitting on the sofa is not inherently worse than going for a walk (as long as you are getting sufficient exercise overall). The man likes to stay home, that’s just how it is. Personally I wouldn’t date him because it would drive me mad but that wouldn’t make him wrong and me right, that would make us incompatible