To go or not to go?

[KeenSnail]

There’s a family gathering today which I can’t decide if I should attend or not.

I am 34 weeks pregnant, DC (20 months is recovering from a tummy bug.) woke up 6 times last night 🫩. DH is working today.

If I spend the day at home DC can run around freely as our home is obviously completely child proof. He has all his toys and books and will be easy to just sit on the floor with me playing and reading. He’s a very sweet boy and I know we’d have a lovely pj day together, taking it easy.

The family gathering is in a home which has many reachable breakables and a back door which is always open. When I normally visit there, it’s very full on with DH and I taking it in turns to try and keep DC from getting into mischief. We both find it utterly exhausting to be there and today I will obviously be on my own if I go.

I do not receive any help or support from these family members with my DC (which is absolutely fine and not expected in anyway) but it does mean I’ll be running around the whole time ON MY OWN! I genuinely don’t feel physically able right now. I am so large at this point I can’t even bend with ease 🤣

There is also the issue of DCs tummy bug, he’s definitely on the mend. No sick in 24 hours but I have changed 3 very loose poos already today. He does seem himself but expecting him to be a bit overtired today because of his broken sleep last night.

I am obviously a complete mess;
unwashed hair
old tracksuit is all I’m comfortable in
bags under my eyes
gigantic stomach
(you get the idea.)
I would need some serious effort to look presentable and to be honest, I don’t think I have it in me 🤦‍♀️

Equally, I feel that the family would be very disappointed not to see us and they don’t get together very regularly at all. I assume the next time we’d all be together would be Christmas.

YABU - go to the gathering
YANBU - don’t go to the gathering

Apart from anything else, your DS has a tummy bug. If you’ve changed 3 loose nappies already today then he is not recovered and will still be contagious and he’s not 48 hours vomit free either. You would be very unreasonable to take him.

Quote the 48hr rule to your family and tell them that until DS is 48hrs from last vomit/loose bowels then he is still contagious so for there sake you will be sadly staying home and missing the gathering as you'd never forgive yourself if they got sick 😌

Thank you, I agree.

I think I just need a bit of reassurance that I am making the right call.

I’ve already had two texts this morning (they know DC is poorly) asking us to come along briefly at the very least.

You don't sound like you want to go, but as your child has still got loose poops then you'd be unreasonable to go. That's a solid reason not to go, never mind the awake 6 times in the night and you not feeling good.

Have a quiet day and hope you feel better soon

Nah, sod that, stay at home.

FWIW I get the needing reassurance you aren't just wimping out, I've been there in the past

😂 thank you

If you are not feeling it, don't go. Think about number 1, especially in your condition, you don't need the stress. I have often made the effort to go to family gatherings and i go home feeling like I wish I hadn't bothered.

It’s hard because we seem to feel obliged to attend these gatherings. However. Your boy is still poorly, a restful day will do you both the world of good.
Explain that your child isn’t well, and put your feet up (as much as you can 😂)
Have a nice chilled out day together

OP, if they all end up with your DC’s tummy bug, you’ll be the irresponsible mother who should have known better than to bring out her DC before he was fully recovered, no matter how much they are pressing you to go now. Just point out that DC is unwell so sadly you’ll have to pass on this one.

It sounds as if you don’t really want to go but you have the perfect reason with your son having D & V! You wouldn’t be lying if you said he wasn’t over it and he’s really exhausted from an unsettled night.
Is this a parent or a sibling you’re supposed to be visiting? If so, they would be unreasonable not to understand your position.

Definitely don't go!!! Lean heavily on not wanting them to all get the bug and enjoy your PJ day at home!

It is a rather large family gathering hosted by MIL and FIL. There will be SIL, BIL, aunties, family friends ect

There will be no other children attending which is why I think no one seems worried about DC’s bug.

Youd be unreasonable to go, your child is still sick and contagious. Have a pj day at home!

I vote PJ day.

It’s your in-laws?! Well if your DH isn’t even going to be there then I definitely wouldn’t go in your circumstances!

I think that’s why I feel the pressure to go! I don’t want to let them down.

If it was my parents, I’d just explain the situation and know that they would understand completely!

In fact, a similar situation happened last year and bless my parents they hosted the same gathering AGAIN 4 days after the original (when we were all better) so we could come along 🥹😂

They knew I’d be heartbroken to miss out on their roast.

No I'd not go. Poorly toddler, tired heavily pregnant mum and zero help? Absolutely not. Hope things are better soon for you OP.

Your child has a bug so needs to stay isolated. This is why so many viruses spread because people are inconsiderate and don’t follow the 48 hr rule or general sensibility of when they or their child has recovered.