How do I extra care my family from a 'friend' is clearly interested in my husband

[whatafabulouslife]

I had her to dinner last night. I often get the feeling she's there because of my husband.

This was after my resisting her request to stay the night.

listened to a conversation between the two of them. She ignored my hints that it was late.

the next day, we were all at an event. I saw over my husband's shoulder on his phone messages from her, to him, to join her.

nothing to me.

i'm not jealous or worried-but not keen to have a repeat.

how do I extricate my family from this 'friendship'? We have lots of mutual friends.

I think if your DH is on board with it, the quickest way to give her the message is for You to reply to the messages she sends to DH’s phone.

Her: Hi Pete, I’m at x if you want to meet up

You: Hi, this OP, we’re checking out the other stands at the moment.

Or just get DH to block her on his phone. The question is whether DH will recognise it as a potential issue or just think she is ‘being friendly’.

Its up to your husband to handle this himself, he os not a possession, if he is not interested why do you need to do anything?

Since your H is the focus of all this, the shut down needs to come from him. Talk to him and decide on a plan together.

She asked to stay the night-- and this was a compromise.

Saying “no we are busy all evening and night” would have been a perfectly acceptable response. You don’t need to compromise. That’s like me asking you for your life savings and you not wanting to hand them over, so you give me your annual salary instead. Just say no.

Thank you. We are all supposed to be friends. And there is a group of us. My husband has loads of friends-- men and women. She makes me uncomfortable in a way the others don't. I invited her to avoid her staying over, which is a hard, full body no. Thanks for the excellent advice.

This woman is not your friend. Talk to your H and tell him that this woman is interested in him and he needs to decide if his ego being stroked by this woman is more important than his marriage.

So you invited her over, she wanted to stay, you said no, she talked to your husband (why did you not join in, what were you doing?) and then asked if he wanted to join her the next day? I can see why she is messaging him over you because you do seem prickly, but if you don't trust your husband then agree with others, that's the real worry here.

I was given the cold shoulder once by a friend (well, she actually caused a huge scene accusing me of trying to steal her husband) because he asked if I needed my bike tyres pumped up on my birthday because I was meant to be doing a bike ride with my dd. She was meant to be my friend and I assumed he had run it by her first. He had not. Somehow she got the idea I fancied her obese, smelly and Brexit supporting husband who had been recently fired for sexting a student...yeahhhhhh, no. That was on him. She is still with him and paranoid as fuck.

Don't be that woman.

Tell your H that you know what she’s doing, that it’s upsetting you and that she has form for this. I will say many men start off by going along with it as they ‘don’t want to appear unfriendly and also don’t like being told who they can/cant be friends with’ - problem is some are dim enough not to get the underlying subtext and it escalates and by then they are getting a buzz from it . I would also not be inviting her over or being particularly close and I would suggest to yourOP that he grows a backbone if he values your marriage

ha! I was there and was participating in the conversation, less and less as it got later and she ignored my hints... till I said I'm too tired. I'm going to bed.... I am menopausal so a bit prickly for sure! It was a weirder dynamic then normal. I will maneover the woman away from us. I think having me there gives her cover... . Thanks mums!

Urgh. Tell your husband he’s being a knob, it stops today.

She sounds like a wee dirt. Warn your other friends.

I’ve had lifelong friends, I’ve never imposed a stay over or texted a husband to meet up.

Did your dh respond to her message?
Talk to dh about it and see if she has made any other advances towards him
Stop having her over and cut her off as much as you can, she's not your friend

Do you think your DH is intrested ,or is he oblivious to it ?

That's the point!!

Fight fire with fire!

This female friend is bloody unhinged trying to make a move on a friend's husband in their family home!! WTAF??

I'd wipe the bloody floor with her!

I would talk to your husband about how you are going to deal with it as a team. Tell him every time she messages him privately he needs to add you to the group and then reply ( in a discouraging way ' sorry I don't feel comfortable/ I don't want to/ I don't think that's appropriate. Every.single.time. She will soon get the hint.

I think its weird the OP hasn't talked to her husband about it.