For thinking this is unusual after school behaviour?

[SchoolZooTrip]

My son found finishes school early as he gets too tired for a full day due to a physical disability.

But...he seems emotionally wrung out too. Eg, low tolerance to things not going his way eg if I'm talking to someone else he gets cross, demands something and then has a meltdown if he doesn't get it etc. if I'm honest it's this that's stopping a full day of school more than the physical disability as despite it all he's very active.
I feel a bit trapped as I rush to pick him up from work and then feel like we can't do anything after school at all without being moaned at, even a small errand. So I have no time for anything and feel exhausted. He isn't like this in the holidays, unless he's ill, then he displays quite similar behaviour. I'm supposed to be homeschooling him in the afternoons but whilst he's happy to exercise his curiosity in his own way, he isn't happy to do the tasks I'm supposed to be doing with him.

He's not very forthcoming about what is wrong at school other than he's found it hard to be told what to do all day and wants to be boss now.

I was just wondering...is this usual getting used to school behaviour? (He's in year 1)

I just remember it being different when I was a kid, just got home and watched a bit of neighbours or the Simpsons while mum cooked, we ate and cleaned up and did homework...there wasn't a big hoohaa. I did a lot of after school stuff at his age and only stopped when I went to a school that finished much later.
And other parents seem to be able to send their kid to after school club or meet in the playground etc okay.

i wonder if there is something underlying like asd...he's under assessment...but also how to look after myself and not get exhausted through it...and also wonder whether this is what every kids is like after school at his age and parents are just more immune to the whining compared to us...

It’s hard to know as some kids are just exhausted by school.

my son has autism and adhd and struggles hugely after school. Partly due to the “coke bottle” effect of holding it in during school then exploding as soon as he leaves.

do you want him to be part time? If you want him to be in school full time then you can insist that they put support in place to enable this.

He's probably experiencing what they call ASRC - After School Restraint Collapse. AKA coke bottle effect as said.

It's not normal, but it might be normal for him because of his disability making it harder for him to be at school than other children. If there are already suspicions of ASD then it would be worth mentioning this pattern.

Yes could be ADHD or autism. Have you noticed any other symptoms?

I don't /wouldn't mind him being part time if after school was a bit smoother.
It already feels like we're running on a treadmill at the moment and it's only been 3 days.
Unfortunately it's a small village and there are literally no more staff 🙈

Thanks. I will do... although I feel a bit hopeless that there isn't anything that will change from having the diagnosis placed

There are a few. We filled out a big questionnaire and it's gone into the ether of the waiting lists

Nothing will change immediately, but it might be that you get a bit more understanding/taken seriously? That's the hope anyway. Sorry, I know it's exhausting.

I would bet ADHD or autism. Sounds like he's masking at school.

This was my experience (ASD, later add) but no its not standard. I used to take him out of school at lunchtime which helped enormously but we lived very close to the school and were able to do it between us and the GPs.

At the moment I'd think about your expectations in the knowledge that he can't do anything after school. If you're rushing out of work or have errands that need to be run tell the school what time you can be there and ask what they will put in place to mitigate, perhaps they have a quiet room or area where he can do a jigsaw or listen to music or do art or just sit.

We want to do the best but you can't run yourself ragged. His tolerance will imprive as he gets used to it or you get further diagnoses and he learns coping mechanisms.

Yes, this is quite common, it's why so many people home educate. The school system does not accommodate their children's needs. The children tend to struggle more and more, and as their physical and mental health deteriorates, parents pull them out and begin a journey to recovery, and finally, get back on track with full-time home ed. It's a story I've seen play out hundreds of times over the years.

Does he have cerebral palsy by any chance? As emotional regulation problems can be an effect of CP though doctors tend to focus only on the physical symptoms. DD has CP and has always struggled with emotional control especially when tired - year 1 was hard - this has got so much better as she’s got older however.

I would look at his diet at school, his he having a sugary pudding with lunch, my sons used be a nightmare when I picked them up at 3.30. I literally had to ram some food into them before we could leave the school, because they were having a massive sugar come down from the school dinners . I think food plays a huge part in kids behavior and there are so many hidden and obvious sugary foods that they consume.

My DC have both been like this (after full day school). It was brutal.

Meltdowns after school every day from both of them was commonplace.

They are ND but I think school can be overwhelming regardless.

Emotional exhaustion (in addition to physical exhaustion) is very common in young children when they first start school (my dd definitely reverted to being a toddler for a while) and also in many children with a variety of SEND who find the demands of school (having to listen, having to sit still, having to follow directions etc) very tiring.

I would try and make the afternoons as low key as possible with as few demands as you can manage.

DS was like this in reception, and still is when he is over-tired. Occasionally (twice a year) he has to do a full week of breakfast club and ASC, and by the end of that week we know he will have had at least one huge raging meltdown.

It gets better as they get older! Used to be a weekly event, now just once every few months. NT far as we are aware.

Yes! I had no idea it was one of the effects of CP!
I honestly thought he had some ND in addition 🙈

Ah I did wonder!

Yes emotional dysregulation is definitely a part of CP, not for all but for many. If you google CP and emotional you’ll find some discussion about it.

And of course kids with CP get tired more easily, I didn’t realise for a long time just how much extra effort it took DD just to manage every day tasks and getting around etc. So the tiredness makes it harder still for them to control their emotions.

So good that your DS is active though as although it will make him more tired now, it’s great for his body longer term.

Having said that of course it’s possible there is some ASD or ADHD there. The symptoms overlap. Actually DD would tick a lot of ADHD boxes, impulsivity and emotional control especially. But these are also explainable by CP. I haven’t pursued an ADHD diagnosis because I’m not sure having another diagnosis would help her.

What a great breakthrough!
At least now you know what you’re dealing with.

Good luck, OP xx

My child was like this - also autism and adhd - put them in the car after school and have a drive and let them fall asleep in the car for an hour. This is what they are needing. They are physically and mentally exhausted

I think it’s within the realm of normal. One of mine is always exhausted everyday for the first week or two of a new school year and I was the same when I was at school and I don’t think it’s unusual for kids (and adults sometimes too tbf) emotional and snappy when they’re tired.
If he’s only been back 3 days he’s still getting used to it and settling in again

My NT children (7 and 3) both do this. They’re really well behaved and try hard at school and come home and have nothing left and are generally vile for a good hour. Completely unreasonable and quick to argue or break down.

I assumed it was fairly standard tbh.