To feel so fed up. Am I being dramatic

[Moncheeerie]

I have a 3.5yo and 1.5yo

Youngest is very clingy has been since day 1 and whinges so much all day

3.5yo has reached a really tough stage behaviour wise. Constant meltdowns bur now they last for ages, hitting so much, 0 listening, running off in public which hes never done

Im reslly struggling i feel so fed up and like a shite mum. Im so burnt out I feel like im just a telly off mum and all I do is tell my eldest off

Its just so hard I dont get why hes acting like this
Nothings changed in our life so its not like a life change or event has happened it literally is just hes acting up

Please any tips or am I just dramatic being fed up

Being a parent is tough at times, your kids are close together and I think that can be even harder.
Do you have any idea why your youngest is so clingy? It could be that their clinginess makes your 3 yr old play up, they might feel you give the younger one more attention. And if you're feeling knackered and overwhelmed it'll make you more snappy. It's such a vicious circle.
Is there an activity they both like doing? If it's a game or toy they can both play with, or even a TV programme they both like, maybe try and get them to do that together once every day. It might help them bond a bit and encourage them to play together and alleviate a tiny bit of pressure from you.
At 3 they go through quite a lot of change. They don't feel like they're babies anymore and start trying to assert themselves.
Try not to blame yourself.

Thanks. She has been since day 1 I dont really get why like my eldest is okay with family like grandparents etc but my youngest has always jsut screamed and cried for me? Even wonr stay with her dad my husband long enough. She cries dor me

This is true. I feel so much guilt because its not only a new sibling but we barely get 1 to one time with my eldest because of how clingy the youngest is. I have to beg family members to watch her for the odd hour

And you are so right I said no changes but he is changing so much its such a tough age. And hes getting observed in pre school by the SEN specialist they have there.

Just as speaking to his key person there were some shared concerns, he plays alone a bit sometimes joins in but still plays along side others, his clumsiness etc. So I have concerns about yim potentially being on the spectrum which is fine

But I am so overwhleme. I feel like the worst mum ever even now I just look back through the day. I shouted as he ran away as he was close to the park exit which is by the road. I then look back and think did I have to shout after him ? He laughs and thinks were playing tag. I feel like i just rtell him off loads I hate it

But certain behaviours he cant keep doing i.e. the hitting the running off in public

And they like to play Magna tiles together (heavily supervised as theyre recommended 3 and up but youngest is good with them) and they do like some same shows!

He kisses cuddles her and does show affection. But lately too any mood happy or sad he pushes her over or smacks her :(

They are close in age and very young and you are doing the hard yards of industrial child care. The terrible twos were bliss compared to the frightful frees and if you may have some neuro diversity in there - it's doubly hard.

DD was much the same as your dd. She literally cried and whinged if partner her wasn't touching partner me until she was about 4. It used to grate. Aged 15ish she was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and ADHD at 17. Looking back the signs were always there but because she was generally secure the lid stayed on until hormones hit. Just love them.

When do you get time for you? Whether she cries or not your dh or mum really need to take her out for a couple of hours to give you a break.

Do they sleep or is that another stress?

As a bit of reassurance, dd is 27 now and is a very functional human being with managed anxiety, depression and ADHD.

Unfashionable I know, but have you tried reins @Moncheeerie

Thank you. The sleep is good for eldest but my youngest still wakes and is in our bed. So its very restless night sleep i get about 4 or 5 hours.

I have evenings as both kids go down about half 7 and youngest doesn't wake until 11ish

I feel like im burnt out a bit hence the stupid snapping like again hes just running having fun. Why have I told him off?

I feel like i also need to set boundair3s as he is throwing meltdowns over if I say no to another fruit shoot. No to another biscuit if I give one. No to another episode of telly. And I feel like inhave to be firm or in his head he'll think he can throw a meltdown and just get what he wants

But I dont know I just feel like a shit mum and hope they both know how much I love them. They're my life

I'll get slammed for this but I'd give him another biscuit. Can you get in a few z's between 7 and 11. DD was the same at that age.

It's normal. Just be consistent. Teach consequences, discipline appropriately. This too shall pass.

Thanks for the reassurance its normal. Did anyone else feel like all they did was tell their kids off during this stage? I dont shout when telling off (at the part I was shouting eldest name to ask him to come back) but I feel like i keep raising my voice / using stern voice and I hate it

I believe in gentle (not permissive) parenting but feel like in the past it was touching on permissive. I find discipline tough but he needs it now

Yep the hardest times.
Just know that every decision you make now : the cross words, the avoidance, the discipline, the lack of discipline will haunt you when they are 10,11 - teens.
Basically don’t sweat it. It’s a stage. Get through it and the time will pass.

This may not help but I've been having some coaching and have a strategy that may help in any situation called Be See Do.

It goes like:
How am I being
What am I seeing about this situation as a result
What am I doing because of how I'm being / seeing

Then pause
How do I want to be
How would I see things if I was being that person
What do I need to do in order to be that person who sees things that way

It creates a gap between the emotional part of the brain and the higher solution finding part of the brain.

I've just scree shotted this so I can look at it. Thank you so much as I am so emotional. I've just cried after they went to bed

I do everything mainly alone as dh works away and im part time. So it does fall to me that combined with a few hours less sleep than id like. I think adds up to me being emotional x

Does this mean if im a pushover now they'll just see me as a pushover always type of thing ,?

Ooh those are really hard ages. You are in the trenches. It gets better and easier I promise. You must be shattered working and having very little sleep with a whingy toddler and pre schooler who won’t do as they are told. I have been there. There’s 18 months between my two. I also felt like a failure and a shit mum a lot of the time. It’s very difficult. I found it easier to be out of the house a lot. So a play group in the morning, home for the nap. Some 1 on 1 with the older while the younger one napped if you can manage it. Then back out in the afternoon to the library or park in the afternoon. Home for tv and a bath if you need to pass more time before bed. Lower the standards of housework. Get a cleaner if funds allow. Dont be so hard on yourself you sound like a lovely mum that’s doing her best. Mine are 4 and 5 and are the best of friends now and just play all day. More importantly they finally both sleep all night 99% of the time. It will get easier I promise

It's a hard thing to realise you have to be a disciplinarian, it was for me.
A good way of not saying no so much is to give them a choice. You're deciding ultimately but they feel as though they're in control...would you like this toy or this programme, this biscuit or this piece of cake etc..
I'm not surprised you're feeling distraught if your youngest is so clingy. As others have said, she needs to gets used to her dad, even if it's just for half an hour while he's feeding her a meal or something like that.

Regarding the evening its tough as I have to do the housework. Dishes tidy toys up bit of hoovering etc and I do like an hour me time just aimlessly watching tik tok recipes and fun stuff to do lol. We also have 2 little dogs so I try to sir and cuddle them for a little bit

Thanks for letting my know it'll get easier as I have wondered this so much the past few weeks while hes been in this phase.

Might look into a cleaner. Thats an added stress for me

Yes my solution is get out of the house and we do but wow at the moment its feeling tough with ds doing runners and today he was ina mood saying he didn't want to go anywhere. Took his shoes and socks off after I put them on etc. Took ah hour to get out and walk to our local park. Which he enjoyed

You're not a rubbish mum, you're just very tired and got your hands full with 2 very small children. It's hard and relentless and you don't get much of a break. Just the fact that you're posting this means you're a good and loving mum!

Not much you can do about the clingy stage except keep leaving your DD with trusted adults (dad, granny, grandpa etc) for short periods and build up.

With a 3.5 year old, the best way to deal with tantrums is to ignore as much as possible. Don't shout or show you're angry, just walk away and get on with something else. When he calms down, don't give him a big lecture about what he did wrong (he knows) just carry on in a cheerful fashion - 'shall we do this jigsaw now? Or shall we go for a walk to the park'? Children this age don't need a load of words or long explanations about why they can't do this or that - they need quick actions and then move on. So if he throws a toy, it's taken away. If he hits his sister, he's removed from the room for a short while. You have to be consistent, persistent and always follow through. Consider using reins if he won't walk sensibly. It will get better as they get older as long as you set the boundaries and stick to them.

I need to focus on the sticking to boundaries and not getting so emotional. He veers between tantrum and full blown meltdown where hes choking on his words sobbing and I usually give in then I hate seeing him upset

But good tips thank you. I've tried time out but he just gets up and walks away from it and laughs

Definitely considering reins as he is a great walker. Stopped his pram at 18 months as hes a marcher !! And even then he didn't do runners. This is new to us