To not tell in laws my business - re health or anything else unless strictly necessary

[lampidah]

MIL and in law family in general, love to go on about every fart they do essentially. Any doctors appointments or visits or scans, we all know about.

their ailments in general are discussed a lot. Fair enough, they’re older. We also always know when anything is up with SIL.

I used to be naturally an open / honest person but whenever I did open up to my in laws about any struggles I had, they always downplayed it or made me feel shit. I never got much sympathy and told to just suck it up. So I have started for the last year or so, just to tell them absolutely jack shit about to what actually goes on in our lives. It feels so great!

I have taken away the power for them to make me feel like shit ! In any case, in the year or so that I’ve been this way with them, I’ve had a few health scares and scans, which they know nothing about.

I have a breast scan coming up and I would really like my DH to come but essentially, they’ll know that he’s coming with me to something. It’s long to explain why, but he will need to take time off work and they’ll know that essentially.

AIBU to just not say the real reason and pretend he has an appointment for himself instead or something ? I feel like letting them know if taking away my power and also it does feel attention seeking to let people know, every time there is a scan or something booked, like they do…

Information diet is wonderful

Yes I've started this. I don't want my private life discussed and undermined so very much limit what i say.
Not to friends though. They know it all!

I get the same from in laws or they get competitive about their pain being worse or whatever. It's weird. I've also started limiting information but sometimes if I can't see them just say I'm tired or whatever. Or busy is a good one. You don't need to explain everything you do with DH. That's your private business.

How will they know your DH has taken time off work? Do you live with them?

I'd keep the boundary you've established and not tell them anything. If they ask, just say you have an appointment, it's private, you'll let them know if it's anything they need to know.

Makes you feel so empowered !

I think I can guess why they would know he’s having a day off. That must feel claustrophobic at times.

If you say the appointment is for him, won’t they want to know all about it. You’d end up in the horrible position of making up a story about him being ill enough to need a hospital appointment. And then should you need on going appointments, that could drag out for some time. I hope not and you get good news at the appointment but lying might just be setting yourself up for more problems with them.

I think you might have to say it’s an appointment for you and refuse to go into detail. I’m guessing that won’t be easy but might be easier than keeping track of lies if you’re unwell.

Every other thing I’ve done alone or been able to take my mum but I can’t this time. It’s the sort of thing we’d know all about, if it was for them or for the other kids and we’d need to be super sympathetic about it too. If we don’t show enough sympathy MIL keeps repeating until she gets the reaction she wants.

I will NEVER forget the time when I had a stomach virus and so did my kids who were 1 and 3 years old and they’d just recovered a bit but I was so ill and just not recovering and I also had to try to work somehow and my DH couldn’t help me at all. I was literally begging him to come home and he couldn’t. When I was telling MIL her response was that SIL had a cold and was working from home and that was also hard. I think I posted this at the time.

I went and made the mistake of sharing that I had joined a gym yesterday, immediately got 'how much did that cost' which made me feel guilty, wish I had not said anything, it is stressful having to watch what you say all the time isn't it.

I don't tell mine anything to the extent I don't even have their phone numbers. It's wonderful.