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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Normal in a relationship

36 replies

Preachscreen · 06/09/2025 09:59

So my partner is going out today with my children to an event, he didn't really mention what it entailed and I said I'd rather do something else together or I may not come if they wanted to go to the event but it seemed to involve atanding all day which isnt great for me physically. Didn't know much of the details of the event but on the morning of going it appears acually quite good now my partner had elaborated on it, he hasnt mentioned the event otherwise, just organisdd and assumed it would happen and spoken to.my children about it...I thought maybe I'd go after finding out the details but unfortunatly second thought I have to look after the pet who is unwell this week and can't be left alone as lethargic, it would be cruel. My partner was indifferent really. I've anxiety this week and its heightened at present more than the normal which I've shared with him but with no real advice or reassurancefrom him...not sure what im expecting I guess. Current anxiety driving factors are pressures from my job and feeling like I am the decision maker/ have to be my partners brain as he doesn't seem to function and think, get tasks done/poor decision making and is on setraline. Anyway so I've just broken down in tears, likely also hormonal.... and my partner asks if and why I'm crying in an insincere tone and then I said nothing i guess as i felt he wasnt being heartfelt and he has just left for the event without another word with my children.. I'm clearly upset, crying and not feeling great.... is that normal or should I expect my partner to have been more loving and concerned, trying to comfort me. This is how he seems to be about anything. If I say he was Inappropriate in a situation he will reply sorry without a second thought if prompted with no substance to his answer and this is on repeat whether its following him raising his voice or snapping at me.I feel almost unloved somehow. I guess the picture is bigger than this post but I've rambled enough.

OP posts:
Preachscreen · 06/09/2025 11:31

If you have read my reply threads, it is not blame, it is more depth ro what is going on.

OP posts:
youalright · 06/09/2025 11:33

He did the right thing by not hanging around to comfort you it was better he took the kids out the way they need to be protected from this as much as possible. Its very hard to be around people who are mentally unwell especially if you are struggling yourself. your partner cant save you and you cant save him only you can help yourselves.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 06/09/2025 11:35

I'm sorry you're upset but your OP does read like you're using tears to manipulate him into doing what you want rather than what he had planned. You're also pretty dismissive of what he's doing.

beetr00 · 06/09/2025 11:40

"It's just strange he doesn't react when someone is upset or reacts oddly"

If he wasn't like this pre-medication it's most likely bound up with his poor mental health?

The thing is @Preachscreen how do you think the situation could be improved?

You have to look after yourself, for yourself, but more importantly, for your children.

He cannot help you, he doesn't have the bandwidth.

Preachscreen · 06/09/2025 11:42

I agree, you are right

OP posts:
Preachscreen · 06/09/2025 11:47

True, not sure I have tried to sit him down to talk to him about his mood and everything associated with it. He says he is struggling but seems to say sorry and think this is dealt with. I'm exercising to manage my own and he does do this too as our work and life allows. We both have agreed previously that we look at other people's lives and feel we aren't enjoying ours the same but then we have been experiencing family bereavements, poor extended family health and typical unlucky situations that just dont help.

OP posts:
Tesremos82 · 06/09/2025 12:13

Preachscreen · 06/09/2025 10:31

This is very true and completly agree with it. But he has mental health and is on medication and since then he is like this, even with our children. My anxiety has been worsening since then as it's like he can't function 100% and i have to think for him. I don't know if this is the medication. He has said that he feels he has brain fog every day but I've noticed when emotions are involved he can't read them.

The problems you mention (brain fog and lack of emotions etc) can be caused by the Sertraline and aren't uncommon. If the side effects of this particular medication are causing your DH trouble, then l would suggest booking an appointment with the GP and discussing what alternative medication options there are.

Preachscreen · 06/09/2025 12:17

Its definatly since his mental health deteriorated and he started on it. Do you happen to know if the alternative medication options e.g. citalopram cause similar? He forgot to tax a vehicle recently and had a police warning letter through, its the only thing i didnt keep track of with him. Thanks

OP posts:
PollyBell · 06/09/2025 12:20

We only have your version but none of this sounds healthy for the children they dont need this much drama in their lives

Preachscreen · 06/09/2025 13:20

Isn't that like all the posts on mumsnet....

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 06/09/2025 16:10

You dont know whats wrong, so how would he?

Hes made a plan, including the kids, take responsibility and told you, you were welcome to join or stay. He was happy for you to come and able to manage if you didnt.

So im not sure what you want from him and it sounds like you dont either. Which to me is a soft BU. I think you need to get some help with your anxiety

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