Avoiding child maintenance, self employed advice.

[QuaintMauveCrow]

I have posted before about issues with my dds father. Horrible history of physical and emotional abuse that ended in his arrest and me finally leaving the relationship completely!
after months of working on myself I’m now in a much stronger place thank the lord! I have been tackling the saga that is child maintenance, so this is where I’m at right now
claim opened and investigated
despite him working two jobs (one definitely cash in hand) he has reported that he has zero earnings resulting in £0 maintenance owed
i have proof of him stating he is earning £900 per week from one of the jobs
he has zero contact with dd as mediation would not touch it after hearing about his history of abuse
although threatening to take me to court he has not done this yet
he is now saying that he will deny being her father to avoid having to pay maintenance

so AIBU to open keep chasing this? I feel strongly that he has a financial responsibility to his dd, he obviously feels differently, apparently me buying a new car means I don’t need any financial support for dd 🤯
cms are now looking into his self employed earnings and have encouraged me to log his tax evasion with HMRC directly too.

im done rolling over to this man child but wonder what the chances of me making headway with this actually is… any experience or advice gratefully received!

This was me a decade ago, even down to the comments about a new car. If you can find the strength keep fighting. I can’t say that it will definitely work but CMS can do certain things and a report for tax evasion will help too. In my case the hassle I created was enough to make him rethink, although you would need to judge your own circumstances, history of abuse, etc.

Thank you for your reply!
sorry you have been through the same, it never fails to amaze me how many of these feckless men are amongst us… I felt for a while that just having the peace of him not being around was enough but now after being in therapy and addressing my own reasons and issues for entering a relationship with someone like him,and realising my own strength that I’m ready to push for him to be accountable to his responsibilities even in the measly way of having to contribute financially.
i suppose reporting him to the police was the first step towards that :)
I will do the HMRC report and hope something comes of it!

What you have to decide is do you value money more than him being involved in your life? What's a bigger driver? Peace (him not being around, you not chasing, you not stressing) or money (keep chasing).

Is it going to be fruitful, the chase? Or will ge get away with it?

I would (and have) pursued on principle without any expectation of exceeding.

You can ask CMS to asses for variation on the grounds that their lifestyle doesn’t matches declared earnings.

Keep reporting to HMRC - I sick of folk earning cash and not paying ANY tax & NI.

I don’t think it’s about valuing money over peace, it’s about morals & principle.
the chase will only take up such a small amount of time and either way he’s not apart of our lives but can still be held accountable.
personally I think too many people get away with disregarding there responsibilities on the basis that they are such a drain to people with morals that it’s easier just to let them carry on somewhere else, lessons need to be taught in my opinion :)

Exactly, regardless of out come it’s the principle!
thank you that’s really helpful will look into this today!

Principle still sees deadbeat dads pay 0, sons 29 now, CSA arrears got to 35k, never saw a bean... after a while I stopped trying, not worth my time or effort, not my place to make him pay for his child. That should be on him.. That's what I mean by peace vs money. It's your peace.

My DS1's dad was claiming benefits whilst working cash in hand and also accepting bank transfers. I gave the CMS the details of his bank account he was being paid to, where his lock up was for work. Proof he was working, his new ex gave me all the details. I literally handed them the evidence on a plate. CMS and HMRC and DWP did absolutely zero with this information. He paid £5 a week for 8 years (except when he took a crisis loan from DWP) and they prioritised paying themselves back instead of me. Those months I got nothing. They then helpfully wrote to me to say they intended to write off the back pay he owed me of the weeks he hadn't paid as he had to pay back the loans.

The fuck was that happening. I kicked right off. He ended up having to pay it off after my DS turned 18 for a few years.

My only pleasure was that his new ex told me that he hated having to pay me for DS1. I loved that. It gave me great pleasure.

Long story short, you stand an ice cubes chance in hell of getting any money from this man and the authorities won't make him.

i see where your both coming from, I’m hoping that the fact there is a paper trail for one of his jobs will mean there’s a chance he could get caught out. I can only hope I suppose but probably should detach from the unfairness of it all 😭
Onwards and upwards I’ll do what I can but won’t hold my hopes to high.
really wish karma would step in but it doesn’t seem like that’s likely in these situations either!

This pisses me off in a way I cannot describe. How bloody dare he do this? And why, in the name of actual fuck, do we have a government that allows it? Here is a suggestion. Government are currently on very dodgy ground. How about they announce a massive plan to tackle CMS avoidance? Total vote winner and more importantly, the children will benefit??

Absolutely agreed! X

Agree as well but these deadbeat shitheads will do anything to find the loopholes that mean their children get nothing. If it means they "own" nothing , and have minimum wage earnings for 18 yrs... when in reality the new woman or even their mum is the main beneficiaries of the self employed business... thats what my shithead ex did. Everything in her name, car, house, she was the "company secretary " earning god knows what while he was £8 an hour... karma find them hopefully one day but the real karma is i didnt have him in my (or child) life... thats the win.

Definitely report the tax evasion to HMRC. They may or may not act on the report, but it WILL be included in statistics and the more reports they get, the more likely the Government will eventually start to take tax evasion (and benefit fraud) more seriously and start resourcing HMRC properly to take action. The black economy is costing honest taxpayers billions every year, and along with money laundering, is out of control.

I gave up after 6 years. I got a total.of £10k for 3 children over a period of 17 years. I only got that because I was on the phone constantly and they eventually got an order of sale for.his house. It was too much emotionally for me. Having to keep on top of it took up too much headspace. The relief when I didn't bother to make the shift from CSA to CMS was enormous. My kids are in their late teens/early 20s now. They know the sacrifices I made and whilst they maintain a relationship with their dad, it isn't great.

Expect nothing, dight the good fight as long as you can, drop it if it gets too much.

Reading back through my old threads and this was an excellent piece of advice, after a few months of chasing the peace of stepping away from it completely and having absolutely nothing to do with him in anyway, has been a lot more productive then £50 a week ever would of been! Thankyou @toomuchfaff

totally agree.

it’s still happening probably because governments are mostly men and they aren't on the breadline and don't understand how much things cost for growing children, especially clothes.

it would be a vote winner. with many women. however maybe a vote loser for a lot of men who may be taken to task so theyd not vote for that party!

whole System is a disgrace - my ex has a high profile job that’s extremely well paid- he’s constantly in the papers. I’ve sent this as evidence of him working… my child is 18 so far I’ve had 3 payments of the minimum amount…

I'm glad it was able to give a different perspective, I found the same myself... the hassle and constant let downs for the child isnt worth the £25-50, them thinking they still have a control of your life because they give you a fiver a week... the audacity!