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OLD: to go exclusive before discussing it

2 replies

Funnycharlotte · 05/09/2025 23:58

I went on a few dates with a guy #1, it was ok. Not mind-blowing, but I liked him, and we kissed. Then I went on 3 dates with the guy #2 (the third one at his place). All dates with guy #2 were within less than a week. I know it’s fast, but we seem really into each other. I’m actually very rational, and there are things that I don’t love about him, but in general, everything was great.

So I met with guy #1 and told him it wouldn't work out. He is absolutely lovely, and I really liked him. But there were a few reasons why I couldn't imagine our future together (none of them were critical, just the vibe and lifestyle).

Now I'm thinking, did I jump the fence? I was only on 3 dates with the guy #2. We did not discuss exclusivity (for me it starts with sex, but people are different).

Won't I put too much pressure on the potential relationship by neglecting other guys? Should I have an “exclusivity” conversation, which sounds reasonable after sex, but is kinda too soon time-wise? For context, I’m in my late 30s. Both guys are in their 40s and claimed at the beginning they want a serious relationship, so I don't want to just mess around. But also don’t want to move too quickly.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 06/09/2025 06:04

Personally once I like someone I don't sleep with someone else. But I know it takes others longer to get to the same point, so I wouldn't have that conversation after a week and it would be a big red flag to me if someone initiated it with me after a week - they hardly know me.
Also, you need to decide if you like people based on their merits, not how they rank against others. Either you like them or you don't.

littleburn · 06/09/2025 06:19

Well it's entirely down to you how many men you're comfortable seeing at a time, but OLD is a numbers game and I really wouldn't assume 3 dates in a week equals a potential relationship.

Stop dating guy 1 if you're not into him, not because you want to focus all your energy and attention on guy 2, who at this stage you barely know. Keep it light and breezy.

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