To ask if anyone’s managed to turn their life around with very little support?

StillRisingFox · 2025-09-05T20:35:22+00:00

I’m just feeling a bit low right now. Things aren’t awful but they’re not where I want them to be either, and sometimes it’s hard not having much support around you. Have you ever turned things around without much help? I’d love to hear some real stories. Not just “I got lucky” but the stuff you did, the changes you made. What helped you keep going? AIBU to believe it’s still possible, even when you’re feeling a bit lost?

AlloaintheMiddle · 05/09/2025 21:38

Big hugs. But may be give us a bit more so we can try share good advice.

Sometimes everything feels impossible but there always light somewhere.

steff13 · 05/09/2025 21:40

I guess it depends on what you mean by turn it around.

ScorchingEgg · 05/09/2025 21:47

Yes. My father was an alcoholic and my mother a narcissist. He drank all their money so I never had any financial support nor emotional. I ended up in an abusive relationship as a young adult so I didn’t finish university. Much later, as an older adult, I put myself through my degree and my postgrad (self funded) alongside working a shitty low paid job. I had several health conditions due to my lack of a decent upbringing and stress. I taught myself to eat well and to exercise and lost a large amount of weight which I’ve maintained. I doubled my income by making strategic moves following my education. I put myself through a lot of therapy to try and be the best version of myself I can. I’ve been published several times.

My family do not know about the majority of this.

MysteryNameChange · 05/09/2025 21:49

I wouldn't say I've done a full turnaround but year on year I keep doing better.

LifeBeginsToday · 05/09/2025 21:54

My 20s were a car crash. I was divorced with 2 autistic children by 23. I did the OU degree over 6 years in my 30s and am just about to start a masters degree part time which will finish by 40. I've found that education is fundamental for turning things around.

Crucible · 05/09/2025 21:56

ScorchingEgg · 05/09/2025 21:47

Yes. My father was an alcoholic and my mother a narcissist. He drank all their money so I never had any financial support nor emotional. I ended up in an abusive relationship as a young adult so I didn’t finish university. Much later, as an older adult, I put myself through my degree and my postgrad (self funded) alongside working a shitty low paid job. I had several health conditions due to my lack of a decent upbringing and stress. I taught myself to eat well and to exercise and lost a large amount of weight which I’ve maintained. I doubled my income by making strategic moves following my education. I put myself through a lot of therapy to try and be the best version of myself I can. I’ve been published several times.

My family do not know about the majority of this.

Bloody Hell scorchingegg what an inspiring post! Well done!

JNicholson · 05/09/2025 21:58

Crucible · 05/09/2025 21:56

Bloody Hell scorchingegg what an inspiring post! Well done!

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Agree

Crazyworldmum · 05/09/2025 22:05

I moved to the U.K. at 18 to study but got pregnant at 19 , my parents helped initially but moved away when my child was 3 . I put myself through uni with a severely disabled child and no other family or friends around , I won’t lie it was hell , some days I would have no food for me and would walk 6 miles home as I had no bus money . I suffered years with lack of sleep due to work , study and autistic child barely sleeping but somehow I thrived . I now live a much more peaceful life with a career , more kids husband etc . It’s still chaos but we do well .
Some days I look back and I feel proud but mostly I hate to lol back as my mental health was so bleak and I was so alone . I lived for my son and try to get him a better life . This was 20 years ago

Briningitallin · 05/09/2025 22:10

After my divorce I went back into education. I had three young children and no family locally. I’d left school without any qualifications and after growing up with a father who believed women didn’t need an education I thought I wasn’t very bright. My ex reinforced this view of myself. I managed going to college, as it pretty much fitted around school hours.

Anyway, I did GCSEs and passed with all As. I was astonished! I then did my A levels and I felt like an imposter. Again I passed with As. I applied to train to be a nurse and I was accepted. My youngest had just started secondary school, so again I managed to fit things round them. My kids were amazing and supported and encouraged me.

i got my diploma in nursing and I went on to do a degree and a post grad in teaching. My three kids did well at school and all three went to uni and are educated to masters level.

MySweetMaggie · 05/09/2025 22:14

I was in an abusive marriage in my 30s. I left him, taking my 4yo and 1yo children. I was diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood abuse and growing up in a violent, alcoholic home. Which is probably why I chose this man in the first place.

I fought him for custody of the children, stopped drinking alcohol (will be 10 years next year!), worked with no family support (nobody ever babysat my children) and built a small business. I had trouble creating connections with people, as I was dealing with grief and mental health issues. It was isolating.

I started having specialised counselling for the CSA at the local hospital and sought help for the suicidal thinking that was happening off and on. I haven't had another relationship, just focused on my children and creating a safe environment for them.

For the first 8 years, my family didn't contact me. They saw me as a loser and a failure. My father told me he wasn't proud of me. We are back in contact now but they will never know what I went through to build this life I have.

I wrote a note to myself and put it on the fridge "The only way out is through". I am the only person in my family to have their own business and to give up drinking. They look down on me for being sober (I'm no fun) and judge me for being a single parent, but I love my life and am starting to feel proud to be the black sheep in my dysfunctional family.

ScorchingEgg · 05/09/2025 22:36

LifeBeginsToday · 05/09/2025 21:54

My 20s were a car crash. I was divorced with 2 autistic children by 23. I did the OU degree over 6 years in my 30s and am just about to start a masters degree part time which will finish by 40. I've found that education is fundamental for turning things around.

So much this. It gives you a sense of control and of self belief. Congratulations!

ScorchingEgg · 05/09/2025 22:38

Briningitallin · 05/09/2025 22:10

After my divorce I went back into education. I had three young children and no family locally. I’d left school without any qualifications and after growing up with a father who believed women didn’t need an education I thought I wasn’t very bright. My ex reinforced this view of myself. I managed going to college, as it pretty much fitted around school hours.

Anyway, I did GCSEs and passed with all As. I was astonished! I then did my A levels and I felt like an imposter. Again I passed with As. I applied to train to be a nurse and I was accepted. My youngest had just started secondary school, so again I managed to fit things round them. My kids were amazing and supported and encouraged me.

i got my diploma in nursing and I went on to do a degree and a post grad in teaching. My three kids did well at school and all three went to uni and are educated to masters level.

This is beautiful. Not only did you build your life for yourself but you modeled so much resilience for your children. You should be so proud.

KelsCommemorativeSausage · 05/09/2025 22:50

Yes.
I was trafficked in my 20s. Nearly killed when I got too old for the man who was selling me. Ended up an alcoholic and an addict, was sectioned, then homeless.

Before that I was a normal young woman, had a degree, a nice job- lost all that.
Can't get that back because I'm physically and mentally damaged by what happened, but I've spent the last ten years getting myself clean and sober with no medical intervention at all, got a flat, got a job, had my daughter by myself and am raising her by myself.

Nobody except two people in my life know what happened to me- I wasn't in contact with family for a long time due to not being allowed to talk to anyone by my trafficker. So, I got on with it and changed things around.
I won't ever be rich and successful and married or own a house but I'm alright with that, actually. Could be a lot bloody worse.

NeatCoralMember · 05/09/2025 23:02

KelsCommemorativeSausage · 05/09/2025 22:50

Yes.
I was trafficked in my 20s. Nearly killed when I got too old for the man who was selling me. Ended up an alcoholic and an addict, was sectioned, then homeless.

Before that I was a normal young woman, had a degree, a nice job- lost all that.
Can't get that back because I'm physically and mentally damaged by what happened, but I've spent the last ten years getting myself clean and sober with no medical intervention at all, got a flat, got a job, had my daughter by myself and am raising her by myself.

Nobody except two people in my life know what happened to me- I wasn't in contact with family for a long time due to not being allowed to talk to anyone by my trafficker. So, I got on with it and changed things around.
I won't ever be rich and successful and married or own a house but I'm alright with that, actually. Could be a lot bloody worse.

Kels. I am humbled by you. I wish you peace and joy with your daughter..

MrsPinkCock · 05/09/2025 23:05

MySweetMaggie · 05/09/2025 22:14

I was in an abusive marriage in my 30s. I left him, taking my 4yo and 1yo children. I was diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood abuse and growing up in a violent, alcoholic home. Which is probably why I chose this man in the first place.

I fought him for custody of the children, stopped drinking alcohol (will be 10 years next year!), worked with no family support (nobody ever babysat my children) and built a small business. I had trouble creating connections with people, as I was dealing with grief and mental health issues. It was isolating.

I started having specialised counselling for the CSA at the local hospital and sought help for the suicidal thinking that was happening off and on. I haven't had another relationship, just focused on my children and creating a safe environment for them.

For the first 8 years, my family didn't contact me. They saw me as a loser and a failure. My father told me he wasn't proud of me. We are back in contact now but they will never know what I went through to build this life I have.

I wrote a note to myself and put it on the fridge "The only way out is through". I am the only person in my family to have their own business and to give up drinking. They look down on me for being sober (I'm no fun) and judge me for being a single parent, but I love my life and am starting to feel proud to be the black sheep in my dysfunctional family.

This is awesome 🙌 you did great!

Armychef30 · 05/09/2025 23:31

I grew up with a narcissistic mother, was raped between the ages of 8 and 10 and my mother did not report when I told her and called me a dirty slag a few months after age 10 that sentance has never left me. She told me on a regular basis she couldn't wait to get rid of me I joined the army at 16 to get away.
On and off she has been in my life 5 years ago though I cut her off completely the best decision for my own peace I ever made.
I got into a very complicated and toxic relationship when I'd just had a heart attack 9 years ago it stripped me of myself resulted in me having a breakdown and I volunteered my children into foster care something I thought I'd never do.
Within a week I moved 30 miles away without the relationship and set the house up so it was fit for the kids , they came home after 7 months, in that time I had to move and start again as the roof collapsed in the 'escape' house. We still live in that house and I've made it beautiful, the kids are older and thriving and we have a great relationship. They taught me that my childhood wasn't normal and the relationship we have is unconditional, I have also been with my now husband for 6 years and he has been amazing and knows all we have been through , the kids and him are my home. I also now support children who are in care and love supporting them through whatever they are going through. I'm not a millionaire but compared to where I was 9 years ago I feel extremely lucky to be where I am now. My experience has taught me anything can happen in life even if you don't think it will happen to you but you also have the strength to turn things around. I wish you the best of luck xxxx

LucyLoo1972 · 02/03/2026 04:34

ScorchingEgg · 05/09/2025 21:47

Yes. My father was an alcoholic and my mother a narcissist. He drank all their money so I never had any financial support nor emotional. I ended up in an abusive relationship as a young adult so I didn’t finish university. Much later, as an older adult, I put myself through my degree and my postgrad (self funded) alongside working a shitty low paid job. I had several health conditions due to my lack of a decent upbringing and stress. I taught myself to eat well and to exercise and lost a large amount of weight which I’ve maintained. I doubled my income by making strategic moves following my education. I put myself through a lot of therapy to try and be the best version of myself I can. I’ve been published several times.

My family do not know about the majority of this.

I did pretty much the same although I did get funding and I was married. I submitted my phd and went into psychosis which they say is rooted in the early trauma. I lost everythign id built in my beautiful life

somuchbedding · 02/03/2026 05:04

I’m sorry you are going through a bad time. What do you mean by support? I know a few people who have turned things around without family support but they did have other support eg council housing, free educational courses & childcare. I don’t know if those things are as easy to get nowadays.