Where to wed?

[Bongle321]

Dad died when I was in primary school. I had a very close relationship with my mum because of this.

Mum died when I was 29. I was devastated.We buried mum's ashes in dad's grave.

In my teens, I decided if I were to wed, I would only ever marry in the church where dad was. When mum joined him, that became more certain for me.

Now aged 37 I'm starting to plan my wedding to a wonderful Scot. His mum is in her 80s and has struggled to travel to visit us in Dorset. He wants to wed in his home town, as he knows his mum's health is only going to be stable or decline.

He understands my deep desire why I want to wed in the church where my parents are buried. I understand his deep desire to wed in his home town.

We keep going round in circles on this. Nothing else can get booked in until this decision is made. Any advice please? I'm thinking I'm going to have to be the one to acquiesce, as the living are more important than the dead, but I don't want to. And he doesn't want me to either.

AIBU to still pursue the dream I've had for over 25 years?

Ok you can practise your problem solving. Wedding in one place, blessing and party in the other?

I would say you either get married in his home town so his mum can come, or you just have a quiet registry office job with the two of you and witnesses. I don't think it's fair to prioritise the dead over the living, but that's my view, and this is deeply personal to you. But if I was your husband I wouldn't get married where my living parent couldn't attend.

Wedding so his mum can attend; put your bouquet on your parents’ ashes site.

Wedding in his hometown, blessing in your parent’s church with local friends. Congratulations on your happy news.

I think as his mum is still fortunately with you, priority should be for her to attend, so i’d say you should marry in Scotland. I think putting your bouquet on your parent’s grave as suggested by PP is a nice idea. Totally understand your desire to marry in that church, but I think it would feel wrong to do so if your DH’s mum couldn’t attend. I do think her presence should be priority in this situation.

His mum can still currently travel, so could attend if it's in my home town. The travel just takes it out of her for a couple of days.

He's concerned that her health may decline between now and the wedding next year. Note may, not will.

Well can you get married quickly if the church is more important than who is there? So that she can make it? Still feels like a huge ask if it wipes her out for days though.

Ask yourself what your parents would advise?