Relationships

[ArtfulDenimSheep]

Hi everyone this is the first time I've started a thread. I'm just in need of a bit of advice and if I'm honest comforting. I'm not really sure what has happened to me but it's left me very upset and confused. It all happened so fast and I was unprepared for it or the depth of my feelings. About 4 months ago I bought from a seller on eBay. After I had bought a couple more things off him totally out of the blue he asked if I liked him and did I want to be friends, just messaging and that, which I agreed to. It moved quickly to us texting via our phones rather than through eBay. Soon be was telling me that he loved me and did I love him. He called me sweetheart, darling, love etc and would text late at night wishing me sweet dreams. I really believed him and fell in love with him. He wanted to meet up and go for a drink even though we are over 200 miles away from each other. He said that he would travel up on the coach to meet me. At this point he didn't even know what I looked like. He asked me to send him a photo, but I have real issues around the way I look. I think that I am unattractive, even ugly. I knew he wouldn't like me once he saw what I looked like but still sent him a selfie. Then he totally changed towards me and became very cold and made out that he wouldn't be able to text as much because of other commitments to do with family. When he did text the texts were very cold and abrupt. Almost cruel. I've asked for an explanation but he won't give one. How could he tell me he loved me and somehow get me to fall in love with him only to cruelly discard me after he saw what I looked like. He is 58 and I am 65 so should probably know better. Stupid as it may sound he has broken my heart. Was this live bombing on his part and why did he do this and then break my heart. I want revenge but whatever I do I'm still left with a broken heart. Any replies and advice ould be greatly welcomed. Thank you for reading this very long post. Am I being unreasonable to be this upset?

I know this has hugely upset you OP but you deserve so, so much better. This will sting for a while but the best thing you can do for yourself is to block and delete this person. If he’s already treated you like this without even have met you, he will never be any good for you because he’s showed his true colours.
I know it’s very difficult right now but you will thank yourself one day for letting this one go. There are many lovely men out there.

Sorry this happened to you, but reiterate above post. You can't possibly fall in love with someone you have never met and you're right, you are old enough to know better so please gather your dignity and move on from this and put it down to a lesson learnt

He's the weird fuckwit, not you

Bless you, I'm so sorry you've been hurt. Unfortunately there's plenty of weirdos online and it sounds like you've been taken in by one. I'd be extremely wary of anyone declaring love before even meeting you - you could end up being scammed. I hope you've blocked his number so he can't contact you again.

Have you thought about joining a social club like U3A to meet new people and make friends with common interests?

You have had a lucky escape, at least he hasn't conned you out of your life savings.

Thank you so so much for your lovely reply it means a lot to me. I'm just really confused and very hurt. I think you are right about blocking and deleting him. I've never experienced anyone doing this to me. He was always asking me how I thought our relationship was going and asking if I loved him because he loved me. I'm hoping that one day I will thank myself for letting this one go and thank you too for reminding me that there are many lovely men out there. Thank you so much.

This. 100%

Thank you for replying to my post. That did cross my mind .about people who get conned out of their life savings. Romance scammers. Yes I'm really lucky that it didn't come to that. Not that I've got any life savings. But I'm trying to think that I might just have had a lucky escape.

Thank you for your lovely and heart warming response to my post. Replies like this are really helping right now and it's so nice that people on here care. It does seem like I have been taken in by one of the weirdos online. Iit could have been so much worse if he had started scamming me. I have now blocked his number . Thank you for suggesting a social club like U3A which I had not heard of before. I will look into this and will try and count my blessings that I didn't fall prey to being scammed out of money by him. Thank you Endofyear for helping me feel better tonight and also Vallmo47 and Dabberlocks x

I suppose that I'm feeling extra vulnerable after being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2022. He knew this too. After having 2 surgeries in May 22 and June 22 followed by radiotherapy in August of that year, I am having yearly mammograms now and so far am cancer free. I'm on anastrazole for 5 years. I don't know if psychologically that weekend me. But sometimes as difficult as it is to hear and take a wake up call can be what's needed. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply poll queen.

That's just it though - he wouldn't have known that you didn't have ££££ in life savings.

It wouldn't have been long before he started the 'I'd love to come and see you but I can't afford the travel costs because of x disaster, can you pay for my ticket this time' - or whatever other excuse he could come up with for desperately needing to be bailed out of some financial crisis.

I absolutely agree with you here. He'd already said that he would have to save up for the train ticket, then he said he would come up on the coach as it was cheaper and he was already telling me about family problems delaying his visit now until the new year. So it is very likely that this could have happened. Laying the foundations re the not being able to afford the ticket and having to save up and then the family problems. Thank you for your input with this.

I can actually play this scenario out in my head right now. Him saying could I pay for the ticket this time and then there being some reason, some disaster why he couldn't come up. If I had done that, which I may well of done in a moment of madness then he really would have got his claws into me. These people are so clever and prey on the vulnerable or lonely. They have no conscience at all. Even though I'm realising this now it still hurts and I feel a fool for being taken in by him.