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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate having my kids together?

30 replies

haditallday · 05/09/2025 17:59

Individually they are nice children.

Together it’s awful.

The noise is another level. They talk over one another and squabble all the time.

The arguing is constant. The older one winds the other up and she screams and hits out.

The younger one copies the older one as well if he does something silly or even by accident.

I love having them alone but I hate them together.

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 05/09/2025 18:00

How old are they?

Original poster
haditallday · 05/09/2025 18:00

Nearly five and two.

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 05/09/2025 18:01

It doesn't get any better.

...

I'm aware this is probably not the news you were hoping for 😂

NavyNorris · 05/09/2025 18:02

I went through this with my 2 older girls. Honestly they were just being so horrible to each other, it was draining to be around. YANBU- it can be so so tiring and unpleasant to be around.

It does get better eventually, I found once mine got older they were happier to do their own thing and we had less arguments!

Lyocell · 05/09/2025 18:06

Mine are the same ages and I really feel you. I actually try now to take them out separately for one on one time as it’s so much more manageable. I’ve also realised 2-3 is just such a shit age.

Original poster
haditallday · 05/09/2025 18:06

I get frustrated as they are constantly gravitate to one another but annoy one another. The other day at a park they had the whole place to themselves but insisted on bickering over a tiny little slide.

OP posts:
MonsterBoo · 05/09/2025 18:08

Does it get better? My 13 year old and 11 year old fight all the time 🙄 I read this thinking they were around the same age 😂

AhBiscuits · 05/09/2025 18:11

Mine are 7 and 9 and fight a lot. It is draining.

NavyNorris · 05/09/2025 19:34

Side note- when I said it gets better..... my eldest is 17. I'm sorry! I didn't realise they were so young. My eldest and middle daughter have the same age gap as your children OP.
Mine played OK together when they were little but once my eldest got to about 11... things went downhill! Hopefully since they are younger it will get better sooner.

3 and 5 is still really hard work too i think. Maybe they will balance it out by being amazing teenagers?!

LavenderBlue19 · 05/09/2025 19:36

This is partly why I only had one. As an only child myself, I have no idea how to manage arguing siblings and the sound of it drives me mad.

BoredZelda · 05/09/2025 19:46

I saw a reel today that said “having a sibling is good because you learn how far you can annoy another person before they kill you”

My sister and I fought, a lot. As teenagers we were best friends, and still are now. My mum just used to leave us to it. As long as we weren’t killing each other, she let us sort out our own shit. If we got loud we were told to take it outside.

KarmenPQZ · 05/09/2025 19:49

Do they play nicely together at all? Mine are older now (10 and 7 and can play nicely for ages although still occasionally bicker / wind each other up / totally explode at easy other). But even at 5 and 2 played nicely… that was our covid lockdown so maybe it forced them but I remember loads of or seriously awesome play (and a fair amount of bickering too)

Merrow · 05/09/2025 19:50

This was me last summer, I was so relieved when school started again! Honestly, they have been much better this summer at 6 and (almost) 3, it was at times even delightful. DS1 is more understanding of the age difference, DS2 is more able to actually play. I have found that DS1 really needs a break though and time with his peers, so he's had a few holiday club days which I think have really helped him. Last summer was awful though, so bad.

wizzbitt · 05/09/2025 19:52

Mine are 11 and 8 and are total pains in the backsides.

ScrambledEggs12 · 05/09/2025 20:02

Mine are 11 and 8 and it's just starting to get a bit better. Still a lot of fighting, but not constant.

HouseHangover · 05/09/2025 20:09

Eugh same. Love my kids both so much and really enjoy their company on a 1:1 basis. When they’re together they just bicker, purposely annoy each other, hurt each other, take the others things etc. it’s so draining and just constantly irritating. Mine are two boys 9 and 4 yrs. been this way since the youngest could walk 😂

Praying4Peace · 05/09/2025 20:11

Take solace from the sisterhood OP.
You are not alone

Original poster
haditallday · 05/09/2025 20:37

Thank you Flowers

@KarmenPQZ they do play nicely together sometimes.

The main issues I have are

  • DD(2 - only just turned 2 if that helps) is ridiculously jealous over DS. He picks a toy up and she runs after him sobbing and crying MINE, MINE. I don’t let her; I have been guilty in the past of just wanting her to have whatever it is to shut her up but I have realised that isn’t good for either of them. But it’s so so draining.
  • DD copying DS. The other day he stood up a bit too hard and knocked a chair over by accident; she knocked one over on purpose!
  • DS winds her up, he gets in her space and hugs her and tries to lift her up which she hates, I’ve told him so many times not to.
  • DS is a space invader, gets right in her face.
  • the sheer noise of them both!
OP posts:
FirstdatesFred · 06/09/2025 12:55

Truthfully my best advice is don't have a 3rd.

It makes me sad how my 3 get on so badly. We cannot have a nice family day out the 4 of us. It's been up and down over the years but is getting worse not better as the middle one used to be so chilled and easy which helped, but now she's entered the grumpy teenage stage. The other 2 have always been highly strung. Individually they're fine and some combinations of 2 of them. Currently between 10 and 17.

Jewells17 · 06/09/2025 17:26

I just googled this and felt so relieved to see someone else feeling the same
it makes me feel so guilty but I really hate mine together, days out are never fun. Being in the same room is never fun. They are lovely individuals but together, just no 😪

Dumbo18 · 06/09/2025 17:35

You’ve described my 2 almost perfectly, 6 and 3 soon to be 7 and 4. Older boy always getting in younger sisters face, annoying her, picking up etc. sister copies everything he does even if dangerous for her age… I’m at a loss but just know you are not alone

Lovely27 · 06/09/2025 17:41

haditallday · 05/09/2025 20:37

Thank you Flowers

@KarmenPQZ they do play nicely together sometimes.

The main issues I have are

  • DD(2 - only just turned 2 if that helps) is ridiculously jealous over DS. He picks a toy up and she runs after him sobbing and crying MINE, MINE. I don’t let her; I have been guilty in the past of just wanting her to have whatever it is to shut her up but I have realised that isn’t good for either of them. But it’s so so draining.
  • DD copying DS. The other day he stood up a bit too hard and knocked a chair over by accident; she knocked one over on purpose!
  • DS winds her up, he gets in her space and hugs her and tries to lift her up which she hates, I’ve told him so many times not to.
  • DS is a space invader, gets right in her face.
  • the sheer noise of them both!

I could've written this myself, I have exactly the same problems with mine who are the same age! No advice but solidarity!

Pinkissmart · 07/09/2025 08:54

The relationship they are building is one of the most important, foundational ones they will have.
You have to let them develop it

Original poster
haditallday · 07/09/2025 08:54

Pinkissmart · 07/09/2025 08:54

The relationship they are building is one of the most important, foundational ones they will have.
You have to let them develop it

Jesus that’s a terrifying thought judging by how they are together! 😂

OP posts:
ChocHotolate · 07/09/2025 09:16

Oh yes! Mine are 13 & 4. I love taking my son out and I love taking my daughter out. SEPARATELY.
Together it is more than twice the work of just one.

I have decided that in parent world 1+1=5