We have one DC aged 2 and regularly meet up with another couple who have a DC aged 1. Both husbands are former work friends.
We don’t have any family nearby, and our DC is in nursery four days a week. A relative does visit every month or so to help for a few days, which is a huge support, but day to day it’s just us managing work, childcare, and family life.
Our friends, on the other hand, have had live-in help since their baby was born. The wife’s relatives come from abroad for extended stays, and they plan to continue this for years. Of course, every family adapts to their own circumstances, and I don’t begrudge them that, it must be wonderful to have that level of support.
What I’ve found harder recently is that during our meet-ups, they sometimes come across as a bit preachy or unaware of how different their situation is from most families without round-the-clock help. For example, our toddler is in the middle of the “terrible twos,” and like most parents we’re doing our best to be patient and consistent. At our last meet-up, the wife began lecturing us on the importance of patience with children, almost as if she were running a parenting class. I couldn’t help but feel frustrated, knowing she’s never had to solo-parent even for a few days.
Similarly, the husband asked my DH what hobbies he’s been enjoying and stressed how essential it is to keep them up. My DH tried to explain that between work, childcare, and family responsibilities, he doesn’t get much spare time right now. Our friend seemed genuinely baffled, he apparently has time for two or three hobbies a week.
I know it might sound like envy, and maybe there is some of that. But really, what grates is having to listen to advice from people who haven’t experienced parenting without constant support. It feels dismissive of the very real challenges most parents face.
Thankfully, I do have other friends in similar situations to ours, and spending time with them is always grounding, supportive, and fun. It’s a relief to be around people who just “get it.”