Should I wish my ex a happy birthday via text??

[Pinkfuzzyoctopus]

Hi guys,
I broke up with my long term partner three years ago. It was not an amicable split. He was a narcissist. He was a master gaslighter and controlled me. He had two affairs. He would call me awful names, tell me I was worthless, convince me I had said things when I hadn’t, make me cry and laugh and walk away, shout at me in front of the kids, the list goes on! I tried to stay friends with him but he remained verbally abusive and sent awful texts to me. It’s his birthday soon. I have sorted things for the kids to give him, I haven’t bought him a card but should I send him a text wishing him happy birthday? I really don’t want to but I don’t want to seem like a bitch. Thanks in advance.

Christ NO

No

Absolutely not. He doesn’t deserve it. Stop pandering to this awful man. Have the necessary contact for the sake of the kids, but keep all communication polite but formal. Stop chasing after him. I don’t mean that to suggest you want him back, but to mean stop instigating unnecessary contact and trying to be nice. I understand the motivation to try to create a better co parenting relationship, but it’s just not possible with someone like this. Stay unemotional and uninvolved, and keep all communication minimal and necessary. Every little thing you do to try to be nice is only serving to feed his ego and keep him thinking he has the upper hand.

Absolutely not just buy from the kids.

As long as the children have something to give him, that is more than enough. I personally wouldn’t unless you happen to see him on the day, I might say it in person. I definitely wouldn’t bother with a text.

Of course you shouldn't send him a birthday text.

No.

Absolutely not

I read the first 3 sentences and it’s a HARD no! He is still in your head OP!

You’re absolutely right. I am looking to go to counselling. I’m stuck in a cycle and I’m finding it hard to break it. Years of control and verbal abuse are just etched into me and I need to learn to let it go.