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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

59 years to get diagnosis Aibu to be angry?

21 replies

Notdirtyjustsick · 05/09/2025 11:17

Aibu to be so very angry and sad at medics taking 59years to diagnose me with something they could have diagnosed me with at 18months old with a simple test.

Backstory is that I was relentlessly bullied in my childhood by children and adults because I was always unwell and I had an unsightly rash on my body that resembled chickenpox or the plague or whatever the onlookers decided it was.

Drs just said eczema and I practically lived and slept in a bubble- i had this odd plastic sleeping bag for a while. I had plastic bags taped to my hands to sleep so I didn’t scratch and my nails were cut down so far the skin stung. I had a seriously uncomfortable rock hard special mattresses, I had to wear shorts and skirts in winter to let my legs breathe. My mum was told we were a dirty family by doctors, that we had fleas and bedbugs and I was malnourished. Through all this I was so very itchy it was unbearable- I still am but have learned to ignore it. Children weren’t allowed to play with me because parents thought I had infectious diseases or that we had fleas or were dirty. I was so ashamed growing up and I learned to hate myself.

Yesterday a rheumatologist told me it’s related to an autoimmune disease and that they’re a serious sign of a vasculitis flair. I’ve never seen this doctor panic before but it’s also the first time she’s managed to see these scabs all over my body.

All my life I’ve been unwell with unexplainable
symptoms. They referred me to psychiatrists who said I was mentally ill because the physical symptoms didn’t make sense and they thought I was faking being physically ill. They put on really strong anti depressants and antipsychotics medications and still the symptoms persisted.

I’ve been seeing a rheumatologist 14/15 years and they never knew what it was one would diagnose one thing and the next one I’d see would change it to something else and by now I’d done research and was fairly convinced it’s a rare vasculitis but Drs said it was too rare and they’d never see one case in their whole career and wouldn’t consider it. And now this one wonderful dr has seen it and agrees with me and tests confirm it. The Dr is setting up a multi disciplinary team because all my organs need monitoring for the rest of my life. This disease will likely kill me but now I know what it is.

Today I’m grieving for my childhood and teen years, for being outcast my whole life, for being gaslit by amily and medical professionals for having no friends to turn to because nobody wants to be friends with the sick unreliable person. I’m so sad and so angry. Aibu to be angry ?

OP posts:
DeeKitch · 05/09/2025 11:51

Not unreasonable at all! There’s an autoimmune group on here xxx

OneNewLeader · 05/09/2025 11:54

Gosh, that’s hard. Nothing to say of any value, but just wanted to acknowledge how awful it’s been for you.

Rallentanda · 05/09/2025 11:57

No, YANBU at all, and I'm not surprised you're angry with all that you've been through! In your position I'd be tempted to write to any of your past doctors still practising and tell them the effect their dismissal of this condition has had on you. Not for revenge but for CPD. (And a bit for revenge.)

nomas · 05/09/2025 12:01

YANBU. I was reading about the case of Martha Mills, who died due to the consultant not diagnosing her properly. I'm sorry you had to go through all that.

You say that a team will need to monitor you for life now, does this mean they will also be able to treat you and bring you some relief?

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 05/09/2025 12:05

You poor thing, I'm so sorry you went through that. You are absolutely allowed to grieve and feel the way you do about everything you went through.

I had eczema for the first few decades of my life and had children refusing to sit next to me as a child because they thought I had chicken pox and so on. But eczema is very well known and I was able to get it under control by my 30s. All I can say is I wish they had caught your condition sooner, but I am glad you finally have answers now. I know everyone suggests this, but it could be worth seeking counselling so that you have someone to talk to about your experiences and your childhood.

Mymiddlenameiscynic · 05/09/2025 13:24

I am so sorry you went through this. It pisses me off that to doctors ‘rare’ means you can’t have it. Me, my sister and my paternal grandmother all had a ‘rare’ condition - a consultant told me I couldn’t have it because It was very rare. My sister passed away from a cancer so rare the oncologist had only seen three cases in 10 years. it’s rare, not unknown.

TigerRag · 05/09/2025 13:27

You have my sympathy. I'm 36 years and still waiting for a diagnosis that should have been diagnosed years ago and would have been if my parents concerns that there was more going on.

I'm now on what seems like a neverending waiting list for genetics testing

jettisoned · 05/09/2025 13:34

Join the vasculitis fb group - they're brilliant with help and advice. I'm so sorry it took so long- I have a rare form that was diagnosed around 5 years ago after a catastrophic event after seeing lots and lots of drs - I haven't seen a dr yet that has seen it before. I think there's 2 of us in the uk (!)

You need a rheum that's clued up on vasculitis - the vasculitis uk website has more details of specialists, they are few and far between. They have a helpline too which has been really helpful

Have they said what treatment you need?

Notdirtyjustsick · 05/09/2025 13:44

jettisoned · 05/09/2025 13:34

Join the vasculitis fb group - they're brilliant with help and advice. I'm so sorry it took so long- I have a rare form that was diagnosed around 5 years ago after a catastrophic event after seeing lots and lots of drs - I haven't seen a dr yet that has seen it before. I think there's 2 of us in the uk (!)

You need a rheum that's clued up on vasculitis - the vasculitis uk website has more details of specialists, they are few and far between. They have a helpline too which has been really helpful

Have they said what treatment you need?

Thank you! I will do that.

im already on steroids and biologic treatment for what we now know is a related symptom of the disease and not the stand alone condition it was being treated as.

my rheumatologist is a university researcher too and I’ve read they’re looking into vasculitis so I think I’ve got lucky. I just hope I get to keep this one before another comes along and tells me I can’t have this vasculitis because it’s too rare again

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 05/09/2025 13:48

I’m so sorry, your anger is completely valid and justified. I hope you get the very best care from now on.
Not quite the same, but I was misdiagnosed with a mental illness I didn’t have and given very strong medication as a result that I didn’t need as a young teen which I feel damaged my brain. It’s hard to let go of the ‘what could have been’

coxesorangepippin · 05/09/2025 13:54

I'm incredibly angry on your behalf.

My daughter has eczema/allergies but has recently been prescribed an autoimmune drug (dupixent) and the change in her skin has been incredible. So putting all the creams in her for 5+ years has basically been a waste it time really. She was definitely ostracized by her peers because of her skin.

Her skin was as you described: a constant rash, worse in hot weather.

Since taking this drug she has comes on leaps and bounds not only wellbeing wise, but socially too.

Glad you're finally getting the help you need.

spiderlight · 05/09/2025 14:00

I'm so sorry. That must have been horrendous for you, especially as a child/teen. I hope they manage to get it under control now but you are completely justified in your anger. Is there a way you can channel it into raising awareness, in case it can help someone else who's in a similar boat?

FuzzyWolf · 05/09/2025 14:06

I’m not surprised you are angry. I’m so sorry for what you have been through. YANBU.

BuffaloCauliflower · 05/09/2025 14:09

Mymiddlenameiscynic · 05/09/2025 13:24

I am so sorry you went through this. It pisses me off that to doctors ‘rare’ means you can’t have it. Me, my sister and my paternal grandmother all had a ‘rare’ condition - a consultant told me I couldn’t have it because It was very rare. My sister passed away from a cancer so rare the oncologist had only seen three cases in 10 years. it’s rare, not unknown.

This. Rare means it doesn’t happen often but it does still exist!

Notdirtyjustsick · 06/09/2025 07:29

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
Mrsmunchofmunchington · 06/09/2025 07:50

I don’t know if you have the mental or physical energy but I would speak to a reputable medical negligence solicitor to see if you have a case.

Summerhillsquare · 06/09/2025 08:12

Yes, I wouldn't generally advocate suing the NHS but your loss of earnings and opportunities must be considerable.

UncertainPerson · 06/09/2025 08:17

I’m so sorry that you experienced such awful bullying and were let down and gaslit by Doctors. Yanbu at all 💐

JustReal · 06/09/2025 08:18

I am so, so sorry that you're going through this and you have every right to be angry.

We are led to believe that doctors know everything, that they are the place to go for ailments and things we don't understand or can't treat.

Unfortunately, they do NOT know everything, they don't come across things and a lot of what they do is guesswork. Some might argue that it's 'educated guesswork' but it's still guesswork and we are left feeling they can't be questioned and so question ourselves.

My Dh is always telling me doctors are called 'quacks' because they dabble in 'quack science'. Ha. He's not 100% wrong about this and I've had to come to terms with this just so I can manage my expectations when I have to schedule a consultation.

All of this to say that, I understand why you're angry. Expectations are high when we consult 'experts' and they have let you down.

But, I hope you manage to find some peace, now.

Notdirtyjustsick · 16/09/2025 19:44

Apologies for not returning sooner

i I wouldn’t sue the NHS- there is no real negligence just a very rare condition that most doctors didn’t learn about in medical school so wouldn’t know what they are looking at and I think a lot of sexism too (moaning woman is clearly neurotic not ill kind of stuff)

OP posts:
buffyfaithfredwesley · 16/09/2025 19:57

I had similar but with various things. My consultant said if I’m unwell he thinks zebras now as apparently I seem to be collecting rare conditions
28 years of hives to find out that Xolair worked on them
10 years of fighting for an endometriosis diagnosis to then find it was everywhere including my bowel and bladder
15 years of saying everyone female in the family had thyroid issues, I was only diagnosed when I accidentally went to immunology and they did bloods and I have hashimotos

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