To go to the funeral of my abuser? TW

[strawberrygold]

I was repeatedly sexually abused by a man as a child and even as a 40 something year old it has always affected me, although I never reported it as I was too scared.

He wasn’t family or even known to my family but I have heard he has died and read details of the funeral.
I really want to go and see for myself he is gone and hopefully get closure from this but I don’t know any of his family and they don’t know who I am.

I’m not afraid to say if anyone asked me who I am or what I was doing there or how I knew him but I’m hopeful nobody would as I am sure I could blend in discreetly.

I’m in two minds about what to do, is it appropriate to go for my own personal closure?
I do on one hand hand think it’s inappropriate but then what he did to me was inappropriate but he didn’t seem to mind ruining my childhood memories but to be clear I’m not looking to ruin his funeral and I’m certainly not going to make a scene and this has nothing to do with revenge or anything apart from helping me to move forward seeing he is gone now.

Please don't do it OP. I didn't go to the funeral of my abuser. He was "family" and I did get some snide comments for not going but I don't regret it.
It was bad enough seeing people who had no idea who he really was commenting that he was "a lovely man" on Facebook. I had to stop myself from writing comments back informing these innocent, ignorant people of who he really was. There's no way I could have listened to a eulogy about him.
Even some of the requests he left in writing for his funeral were fucking gross. Writing them here is too outing but there's no way I was going to adhere to that 🤮
Anyway, I'm glad this man is not your family or known to your family. I sometimes walk into family homes to see a photographer of the man who abused me grinning back at me so even in death he still pops up. Now yours is dead, you will hopefully be able to move on easier and not going to the funeral can be the start of that
All the very best to you xxx

Not remotely similar circumstances but I couldn’t make a funeral
I positioned myself on the funeral route watch the hearse go past and said what I needed to say

I think if you honestly feel the funeral would give you closure doing something like this would be an option

Don't go, but find out where he's buried and go and dance on his grave.

I couldn’t bring myself to pay my respects to such a cunt. Everyone else will be paying theirs, as that’s what funerals are for, and you’ll just get riled up.
Wait til the bastard is 6 feet under and do as you please at his graveside instead.

Don't go. I left town for the day and met a friend who knew the circumstances. We had a lovely lunch, walked and talked, and shopped. I made the day about me. We acknowldged the time when we knew the service was starting. Not total closure, but it was cathartic.

You have the option of finding out where the burial place/memorial is if you ever feel like paying a visit.