First day at school nursery

[Mirrorcushion]

I should start by saying that I’m in no way a parent who sees their child with blinkers. I’m fully aware of all aspects of my child’s personality and traits and can fully admit when he does something wrong.

Today was his first day at the school nursery. Just 3 hours a day to prepare him for going into reception next year. To get used to all aspects of being in the school environment and embrace the highs and lows of that.

I’m a SAHM so DS has never been in any type of setting before. The nursery did a home visit before the summer holidays so they’re aware of this.

At the end of the session today, the teacher said if anybody wanted to know how their child’s day had been, to hang around at the end and she would let us know. When it got to my turn, I asked how DS had got on and the teacher said he’d had a good morning “but he’s quite wilful…. Would you say he was usually quite wilful?” He is but he’s also very compliant if something is explained to him. She then went on to explain (her side of the story) that DS had “refused to sit down on the carpet when everyone else was sat down”. She said that she had given the other children lots of encouragement and eventually DS had warmed up and come and sat down of his own accord.

Later on when I asked DS about it, his version is that he had been playing with an activity and the children had been asked to come and sit on the carpet. DS admits he didn’t do this and continued playing. TA snatched the activity away and tidied it. DS then sat underneath the table because he didn’t want the teachers to see him. Class teacher lifts the table up and moves it away and then lifts DS over to the carpet area. After standing there, TA then comes, lifts him up and places him on his bottom on the carpet.

DS should have stopped the activity and gone to the carpet when asked. I understand why the activity was taken from him and put away. I even understand to a degree why the table was moved and he was placed on the carpet area. However, the thing that has really irked me is how, on his very first morning at nursery, after having never been in a setting before, having never been asked or expected to sit on a carpet in a group before (surrounded by all the toys and equipment he’d only just discovered), the TA felt it was ok to force him to sit.

I feel like children do need to be compliant when they are one of many. However, he’s 3. He’s in a new environment and is trying to find his feet. Yes he should be listening but really? He was stood on the carpet, I don’t understand why they felt the need to push it further.

I’m not sure whether to mention it tomorrow or whether to leave it and see how things progress.

*the physical lifting seems slightly OTT to me. When there’s 14 children in the class and there was no mention in either side of the story of DS being disruptive, being vocal or affecting the other children in any way.

He's going from bing the centre of your world to being one of 20+ equally important people. It can be hard.

But... today it was just sitting on the carpet. Tomorrow it might be a fire drill. Next week an actual emergency. They have to get used to following instructions immediately.

Yes, my 3 year old was cross at me earlier for pushing her over.

She had run round a corner, into my leg, and fallen over. But according to her “mummy pushed me over!!”

She wasn’t lying. Her perception was that she was running, then I happened, and then she was on the floor. Ergo, mummy’s fault. It’s not an accurate description of what happened.

My eldest once came home from pre school with a very detailed and elaborate story about how one of her friends had become suddenly and violently very sick. I was friends with this child’s mum and saw her the next day at drop off and mentioned that I was surprised the nursery was letting her back in, given that according to my DD she’d basically been a scene from the exorcist the day before. She had no idea what I was talking about.

I also completely agree this was too heavy handed. I don’t think teachers or TAs should be moving a child, unless for their own or others’ safety.

Stay in close contact with the teacher to find out how things are going and make sure your son is clear on expectations.

First day at nursery and you are on here believing your child....

The many years of education and friendship groups are going to be long and hard! Good luck!

I don't think there's anything wrong with what the teacher or TA did. They were showing your son that he needs to follow instructions. I do think it's a bit much to describe him as wilful though on his first day. 3 year olds involved in playing can find transitions hard, especially in a new environment. Your little one was obviously enjoying what he was doing and was reluctant to end it and move on to the next activity. I don't think that's particularly wilful!

I was seconded to a school with nursery provision many years ago - not many schools had them at that time.

I needed to collect science apparatus during lunchtime and was directed to a storeroom at the far end of the school. On my way, a loo door was booted wide open and the three year old boy sat there shouted 'Are you gunna wipe mi bastard arse or what?' So I did what he demanded, more out of shock than anything .... didn't think of going to find the nursery staff in that moment. 'What's your name?' I asked.
'Mind yer own!' was the reply.
'Wash your hands now and off you go outside to play.'
'Piss off fat cow.' was my reward for helping him.

When I mentioned this in the staff room later, the boy was described as 'wilful'. This thread reminded me of that incident. Not saying your son is like this OP. Just now thinking of all similar anecdotes collected over the years - I could write a book.

I was in my early 30s at that time and I was running marathons a couple of times a year - and I definitely wasn't fat.

He works in the IT department at a university now - lovely young man.

Many children of 3 wouldn’t like to sit when they are deeply involved in an activity. It may be that a Montessori or Warldorf style nursery would suit your child better. The expectations of very shall children in the UK are ridiculous. You will get parents say ‘Well my child could do as they were told at this age’. Doesn’t mean that it’s a realistic or desirable expectation. One of my children could at 2, another one couldn’t until 5. Change the setting rather than the child at this age imo.