Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my manager awful?

9 replies

burntoranged · 04/09/2025 20:15

Context: temporary manager started 3 months ago with plan to be replaced by permanent manager ASAP. Small team of 2 colleagues. We all work remotely. Manager is male, 30s and in his first week addressed us as ‘girls’ multiple times eg, ‘girls, where can I find xyz spreadsheet’.

Manager was given full handover and almost immediately shirked the majority of the work by saying it’s his decision to make - fine. Over the past couple of weeks, ive had increasing concerns over lack of communication - annual leave not being covered, workload stress due to this. He hasn’t been receptive to any feedback about this, seems to take it personally as a dent to his ego and gets v defensive.

Today he emailed me a list of work to be done which is categorically not in my job role and I was already swamped with my own workload. I did it, but questioned in the email if the process had changed as this work was normally done by the manager - this was worded politely and professionally, not accusatory. He replied by copying in HR and saying ‘as manager, I am responsible for deciding who this work is completed by’. Then had a scheduled catch up meeting with him. I raised the email issue, he said he couldn’t do the work because he didn’t have logins and I said it would have been good to know that. He said if he sends an email, he expects it to be actioned. I said with all due respect, I am at capacity and do not have time to be completing his work which is part of his role - at this point I’m told he doesn’t like my tone, and his role isn’t my business.

he then goes straight to HR to discuss my ‘tone’ and how unprofessional I am. I speak to HR who read the email thread, agreed that I was correct and that there needs to be better communication. They have no concerns with me.

I sent an apology message for my tone in the meeting if he felt it was snappy, but I had explained to him how busy I was and there was no appreciation that I had actually completed the work that he’d asked even though it wasn’t my work to do. I’m feeling so deflated tonight. I think he’s annoyed that I’ve questioned his authority but I don’t see why I should be picking up his slack. He’s had 3 months to sort out IT issues with logins and if he’d explained that in the email, I’d have been more receptive to helping him with the work but he seems to be completely on the defense. Instead of listening to my concerns about workload on the call, he instead just kept shutting me down by saying he didn’t like my tone. I just don’t know where to go from here, I did apologise and he hasn’t even acknowledged that. How do you work with this type of manager?!

OP posts:
Bikergran · 04/09/2025 20:32

Document everything. Do your own work meticulously. Every time he tries to offload his work, decline extremely politely in writing and reiterate that these are his tasks. Go for a private interview with HR and raise your concerns. It's obvious he is not competent to do the job and has been promoted out of his comfort zone.

LittlleMy · 04/09/2025 20:56

Yup everything @Bikergran said! And good for you standing your ground. And I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m being sexist but many a time a smart looking younger man has charmed the pants off the interview panel and talked the talk but been utterly incapable of walking the walk and by being over familiar or casual and ‘cool’ in his tone like yours calling you girls tried to be relatable with the team and then when work starts backing up because of his incompetence starts deflecting onto the usually predominantly female team and making everyones lives miserable. Good luck!

ExtraOnions · 04/09/2025 21:00

Why did you apologise to someone who has shown you no respect ? Stop acquiescing, or you will continually feel deflated.

Did you say anything when he was calling you “girls”

Appikate · 04/09/2025 21:05

I would not have just done the work if I am at capacity. Would have asked him what he would like you to stop doing to take this on. Is he has issues with logins he can take on some of your work that does not need those logins.

burntoranged · 04/09/2025 21:15

I do wish I hadn’t apologised now, but it was only for my perceived tone and not for what I actually said. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I am that he was so quick to shut me down instead of listening to my concerns. I’ll start to document everything. He’s an agency hire which was out of desperation due to failed recruitment, I’m not sure how/why upper management are letting him get away with so little but I think he definitely just thinks he can talk the talk and get away with it. I also won’t be doing the extra work next time he asks, I did it on this occasion and ended up not taking a lunch break without so much as a thanks!

OP posts:
burntoranged · 04/09/2025 21:16

@Appikate thank you, that’s a brilliant idea that I’ll be using next time! I didn’t know he didn’t have a login until after I’d done this work but next time I’ll ask which of my work he’ll be taking on so I can complete his work 🤣

OP posts:
Appikate · 04/09/2025 21:58

The logins are neither here nor there. I wouldn't even get into whether it is his or your job. I would just state the fact that you are at capacity so that is he wants you to take on more he will need to advise what you should stop doing/deprioritise. Good luck with it all... He sounds like a crap manager

RosesAndHellebores · 04/09/2025 22:03

It isn't HR's job to manage you or him. It's HR's job to advise in relation to the application of policies and procedures and about how to manage tricky situations with tricky people. You should have referred to your manager's manager in the first instance.

I'd have asked him to use my name from the very beginning.

MrsMickey · 04/09/2025 22:27

As someone who works on an interim basis, there’s those of us (I hope I fall in this!) who try to make life better for the time we’re there, and those who have become interims for a reason (can’t hold down a job permanently). Just remember, it’s only for a short time, and hopefully the new permanent manager will be far better.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page