To think that words like trauma/ disfunction are over used?

[rockingribena]

Firstly I will say that I know trauma is not something you can compare I truly know that and agree with it.

But I can't help but think that because people use those words so frequently that when people (me) experience extreme trauma it seems less?

I am now in my 30s so this has been around a long time. But I remember really, really trying to get help in my teens and being told, oh all families have their issues. Everyone 'goes through things' - I will point out I didn't go to a school teacher, a club did ask once. I tried to approach some family members.

Some of the things I went through I really did not know were wrong. Well I thought they weren't great but thought ya I guess everyone has life stuff, some things I knew were just awful, but a lot of the things now I look back and think wow who treats a child like that! I also still blame myself for a lot of things that happened to me.

I was recently in with the GP, who is a very good one. I am exhausted, beyond tired. Physically I am fine. She said she thinks it could be mental fatigue. She said 'you could be a case study on childhood trauma, abuse and neglect'

The thing is on the outside I looked 'normal' I went to school, I was clean, I was a bubbly 'happy' outgoing person. I did well in school and at uni but I truly know I could have done a lot better if I had been supported. I have seen seeing a psychologist for a few months now she said I have ADHD but she can't diagnose it officially. She also said I have C-PTSD

But you know that comes from the assault right, the dream was you experiencing trauma from the assault, even though you don't feel like you're traumatised from it? Your brain is protecting you. I can actually relate to that a lot, i used to have vivd violent dreams too, but I didn't start feeling traumatised by my childhood until I was in my 40s, and then it overwhelmed me. Before that, I'd suppressed it, I thought I was OK.

To be clear, I'm not trying to minimise anyone's experience of trauma, I'm saying I don't like people throwing the word around over minor, everyday things.¹

I'm sorry @GagMeWithASpoon I slightly misread your post. What I mean to say is the dream is you experiencing trauma from the assault, rather than the dream itself being the traumatic event.

I'd thought you meant you weren't traumatised by what happened, sorry.

Thanks for all the interesting responses.

On the dysfunctional part, does anyone agree that is over used? I do of course know every family has their issues. But it was genuinely well into my 20s that I realised my family actually was dysfunctional. Who knew that everyone elses mum didn't get shit faced every single night, sometimes pissing herself. Then got you drinking too because it made you more pliable. Who knew that not everyone had an absolute creep of a step dad. Or that being bounced around from relatives for the first 10 years of life was not normal. That you can't say anything because what you thought you saw, well you didn't. You made it up/ are lying/ exaggerating. But it's OK I'll throw some money at you and you will go away. Or here have another drink it will help.

I was always lead to believe every family is dysfunctional. But I had a long term boyfriend, and now a husband. Sure their families have quirk of course they do. But they function pretty 'normally'

I also have my own children now and talking to other mums. While we all have our own way of doing things. It tends to be done somewhat similarlly

Thanks for all the interesting responses.

On the dysfunctional part, does anyone agree that is over used? I do of course know every family has their issues. But it was genuinely well into my 20s that I realised my family actually was dysfunctional. Who knew that everyone elses mum didn't get shit faced every single night, sometimes pissing herself. Then got you drinking too because it made you more pliable. Who knew that not everyone had an absolute creep of a step dad. Or that being bounced around from relatives for the first 10 years of life was not normal. That you can't say anything because what you thought you saw, well you didn't. You made it up/ are lying/ exaggerating. But it's OK I'll throw some money at you and you will go away. Or here have another drink it will help.

I was always lead to believe every family is dysfunctional. But I had a long term boyfriend, and now a husband. Sure their families have quirk of course they do. But they function pretty 'normally'

I also have my own children now and talking to other mums. While we all have our own way of doing things. It tends to be done somewhat similarlly

It is not alone in overuse, see also 'big', 'literally, as examples. Also over dramatising in language. Meltdown instead of tantrum another one.

Sorry to read of your experiences.

For those of us including myself whose babies died we were advised to use the word trigger warning in support groups so you could choose to read or not read a post about the death of a baby. I found it extremely helpful as I lost my beautiful twin sons at birth almost two years ago. I still find it difficult to read posts about twins but the warning helps. I'm sorry if you find people like me "less intelligent" but it helps me immensely.

I am beyond sorry to hear that. I can't even imagine that sort of pain. I had several miscarriages and in certain pages if someone said T.W. I knew I would be better off just not reading their post.

YANBU. Trauma has fairly specific meaning in a medical/therapeutic settings and that is not how most people use it.

Sometimes it is ok if a medical term is used slightly differently in the general public, it's pretty common. "Menopause" is a good example, a lot of people use it to mean the whole of a woman's life after finishing menstruating. It's fine that it's used both ways.

But I do think in the case of "trauma" it's creating a situation where people are taking an attitude to their experiences that is more likely to be harmful than helpful in many cases.

'Dysregulated' is the in vogue term at the moment. No child is ever upset, angry, or misbehaving, they're all dysregulated.

Not just children. On a thread about school parking there was a post mentioning a woman getting out of her car and screaming abuse at a teacher when asked to move. I think several witnesses reported her behaviour but the following day she just claimed she was dysregulated. It was like a get out of jail free card.

Trauma is often related to your ACE score.

Its not necessarily someone dying. Being abused, neglected or ignored in childhood can build a trauma response.

lts not as black and white as death or sexual violence. Refugees are traumatised, people who have had a serious illness or been attacked can be traumatised.

They don’t mean the same thing though.

Dysregulation applies to the nervous system becoming overwhelmed. This isn’t the same as being upset or angry.

I thought it was quite obvious I was referring to the term being misused?

Yeah. It’s bit early for me! Sorry

I'm not even sure what that means!! Dis regulated