To think exh shouldn't be taking his new gf on an exotic holiday when he won't have seen the dc for 5 months?

[ambercat]

Ok, background is h left me 6 weeks ago saying he doesn't love me anymore. Have since found out he has been having an affair since xmas. He has been working away (He in the forces) since last august only home for 5 days every month. New gf works with him so they have pretty much living together, all unknown to me.

I have also found out that for the 13 years we have been together he has had hundreds of one night stands and not been using protection.

So i am in the process of trying to get my head round all this.

He goes away again in July til xmas, he will see the children for 2 weeks in oct when he gets leave.

I was talking to him on fri about giving me more money while he is away as he will be earning alot more than usual. He has refused as he has seen a lawyer who told him he is giving me too much aleady. But he admiitted that when he gets back he will be taking new gf on holiday!!. I said he should be taking dc on holiday not her as they won't have seen him for so long and any extra money he has should benefit them.

So, AIBU, i am so angry with him atm i can't think straight, please tell me what you think before i see him again this evening.

Thanks

Tbh i already suggested it, but i know it won't happen, she is 24, i doubt she would take 3 small children on holiday!!

Any extra money he earns is his to do with what he wants, as long as he is meeting the minium that the CSA calculator suggests he should be giving then I dont think you can tell him how to spend his money. Would you like it if he told you how to spend yours? The GF may be paying towards the holiday unless he has said otherwise.

Yes, he should want to see his children and spend time with them (doesnt have to mean a holiday) so you are not being unreasonable there.

Its still a very recent breakup so bound to be tense but you should just concentrate on getting on with your life and not worrying about what he gets up to in his otherwise things will just eat you up.

Agree with happymummyofone that as long as he is giving you the money he should it's up to him what he does with the rest. YANBU to think he should spend time with his dcs however.

What an awful situation for you - you are doing really well to hod it together and i can understand you feeling resentful but do the very best you can to rise above it. Easier said than done i am sure but if you can this will help not only you but also your children to adjust.

Good luck

Ambercat - so for you and your dcs. Of course you are not unreasonable suggesting that a man might want to spend time with his children, but your exh doesn't seem to place very much on family, does he? You have done your bit suggesting that he might see them, but he doesn't sound as if he is going to be a very reliable person in their lives - just one more thing for you to pick up the pieces for, I guess.

I'm sure you will have thought of this, but after hundreds of one night stands, you are getting yourself screened/tested, aren't you?

I do know he can spend his money how he likes but i feel so gutted for my kids. They would love to go on that sort of holiday, always asking when they can go on a plane.

He should want to spend time with them after being away so much but i guess they are not his priority now.

yes, have been for tests, still waiting for results

i disagree with happymummyofone. i suspect if the shoe was on the other foot and you had a raise at work or a windfall you'd be sharing that money with DC's rather than going out and blowing it all on shoes or an exotic holiday for yourself. why should it be any different for the father? if he has extra money coming in, he should be sharing it with his children and posibly taking them on holiday or buying them a few things.

ifi were you, i would lower my expecations of him, i'm afraid

Is the new gf of the same rank as him? If not, and she is a lower rank, then he has abused his position. If he's Army, this is frowned on, and will affect his career.